Finding a meaningful mantra is one of the best ways to show yourself some support. It's a tool that can instantly connect you to your best self — no matter what the world throws at you — and provide inspiration and comfort. Choose a word, a phrase, or even a lyric from a song that suggests what you want in life. It could be something like "I choose love," or even just a word, like peace. Allow the phrase or word to run through your mind, and practice saying it when you wake up or before you go to bed at night. Eventually, it will become automatic and will always be there for you when you need it.
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
How's your serenity level this week?
Finding a meaningful mantra is one of the best ways to show yourself some support. It's a tool that can instantly connect you to your best self — no matter what the world throws at you — and provide inspiration and comfort. Choose a word, a phrase, or even a lyric from a song that suggests what you want in life. It could be something like "I choose love," or even just a word, like peace. Allow the phrase or word to run through your mind, and practice saying it when you wake up or before you go to bed at night. Eventually, it will become automatic and will always be there for you when you need it.
Friday, December 18, 2009
Is Santa coming to see YOU??
"Children now love luxury; they have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for elders and love chatter in place of exercise. children are now tyrants, not the servants of their households. They no longer rise when elders enter the room. They contradict their parents, and tyrannize their teachers...." --Socrates, 500 BC (!)
When I was little, my parents definitely tried to use the threat of Santa seeing me when I was sleeping and knowing when I'd been good or bad. I'll admit, I was not a perfect child and so I worried quite a bit about what Santa might or might not bring me. Usually I got pretty much what I expected but I did worry a lot about it!
On top of that, my mother warned us of a creature called "Bellsnickle" that would come and take all of your toys back on New Year's Eve if you didn't share your toys with your siblings and friends...again, more cause for worry and concern.
Judging my the quote at the beginning of this post, parents and adults in general have been concerned about children's deteriorating behavior for a long, long time and yet...I do believe that most children are doing the best they can and are often very confused about what is right and what is wrong, based on what the adults around them are doing. Did you ever the hear the phrase "do as I say and not as I do!"? I did and I remember that I didn't particularly like it.
The best thing you can do to encourage good behavior in your kids is to model that behavior for them. Demonstrate over and over politeness, courtesy, compassion, honesty, gratitude and forgiveness. These are the lessons that we all need to model, practice and re-learn over and over. If you do this, Santa will definitely come to see you next Thursday night!
On top of that, my mother warned us of a creature called "Bellsnickle" that would come and take all of your toys back on New Year's Eve if you didn't share your toys with your siblings and friends...again, more cause for worry and concern.
Judging my the quote at the beginning of this post, parents and adults in general have been concerned about children's deteriorating behavior for a long, long time and yet...I do believe that most children are doing the best they can and are often very confused about what is right and what is wrong, based on what the adults around them are doing. Did you ever the hear the phrase "do as I say and not as I do!"? I did and I remember that I didn't particularly like it.
The best thing you can do to encourage good behavior in your kids is to model that behavior for them. Demonstrate over and over politeness, courtesy, compassion, honesty, gratitude and forgiveness. These are the lessons that we all need to model, practice and re-learn over and over. If you do this, Santa will definitely come to see you next Thursday night!
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Christmas is Coming, the Goose is getting fat...
One of the earliest Christmas carols I remember said:
1. Christmas is coming, the goose is getting fat;
Please to put a penny in the old man's hat,
Please to put a penny in the old man's hat.
2. If you haven't got a penny, a haypenny will do;
If you haven't got a haypenny, well God bless you,
If you haven't got a haypenny, well God bless you.
The "goose" is not the only one who gets fat during Christmas-time. The average person gains up to seven to ten pounds every holiday season, while some studies show that is it closer to one to two pounds. Whatever study you subscribe to, it is your own personal reality that really counts. The real issue is whether we ever lose those extra pounds or do we just keep adding weight on each year, making us fatter, unhealthy and frustrated?
Since the holidays are a time for parties, gourmet dinners and other festive events surrounding food, cookies, candy and alcohol, it means that we increase our caloric intake quite substantially––usually empty calories (void of nutritional value) that are full of fat, sugar, sodium and white flour. Moreover, we tend to throw discipline out the chimney, neglecting exercise and other important dietary regulations.
There's no getting around it, those extra holiday calories, especially carbohydrates, added sodium, excessive alcohol consumption, as well as other variables will put more weight on your body. But there is some good news here: those extra pounds might not be all fat. Holiday weight gain may stem from glycogen storage and/or water weight, which can cause you to think you are getting fat.
Because there are 3500 calories in a pound of fat, you would need to consume 3500 calories over and above your metabolic rate and activity level in order to gain that pound of fat and vise versa; 3500 calories to lose a pound of fat. Although it is more complex than that, this tidbit of information is timely and should give you a little peace in regards to your holiday eating habits.
Don't get too jolly yet; when you consume excessive amount of calories (food and liquid) over an extended period of time you will get fat. And poor eating habits will mess with your health especially if you are obese, have high cholesterol, high blood pressure, diabetes, or any other health predicament.
As a fitness expert for over 29 years, it has become somewhat futile to place weight-loss in a News Year’s resolution list, so I’m proposing a different strategy this year: a preemptive attack against "holiday fat". You don’t have to start your new year with the goal of losing the weight that you had planned on losing last year plus the ten pounds you just gained over the holiday season.
The simplest thing you can do over the holidays is to increase your water intake, especially if you are drinking alcohol. The health benefits of water are already well known, but did you know it has a profound impact on weight loss? Most of us retain water because we do not drink enough water. We even mistake thirst for hunger, so we eat more instead of drinking water. Don’t wait until you are thirsty to drink water, start early in the day and make sure you have access to water all day long. Keep in mind, dehydration not only has health consequences but also affects our mood and can make us lethargic, making it impossible to function, exercise and shop.
1. Christmas is coming, the goose is getting fat;
Please to put a penny in the old man's hat,
Please to put a penny in the old man's hat.
2. If you haven't got a penny, a haypenny will do;
If you haven't got a haypenny, well God bless you,
If you haven't got a haypenny, well God bless you.
The "goose" is not the only one who gets fat during Christmas-time. The average person gains up to seven to ten pounds every holiday season, while some studies show that is it closer to one to two pounds. Whatever study you subscribe to, it is your own personal reality that really counts. The real issue is whether we ever lose those extra pounds or do we just keep adding weight on each year, making us fatter, unhealthy and frustrated?
Since the holidays are a time for parties, gourmet dinners and other festive events surrounding food, cookies, candy and alcohol, it means that we increase our caloric intake quite substantially––usually empty calories (void of nutritional value) that are full of fat, sugar, sodium and white flour. Moreover, we tend to throw discipline out the chimney, neglecting exercise and other important dietary regulations.
There's no getting around it, those extra holiday calories, especially carbohydrates, added sodium, excessive alcohol consumption, as well as other variables will put more weight on your body. But there is some good news here: those extra pounds might not be all fat. Holiday weight gain may stem from glycogen storage and/or water weight, which can cause you to think you are getting fat.
Because there are 3500 calories in a pound of fat, you would need to consume 3500 calories over and above your metabolic rate and activity level in order to gain that pound of fat and vise versa; 3500 calories to lose a pound of fat. Although it is more complex than that, this tidbit of information is timely and should give you a little peace in regards to your holiday eating habits.
Don't get too jolly yet; when you consume excessive amount of calories (food and liquid) over an extended period of time you will get fat. And poor eating habits will mess with your health especially if you are obese, have high cholesterol, high blood pressure, diabetes, or any other health predicament.
As a fitness expert for over 29 years, it has become somewhat futile to place weight-loss in a News Year’s resolution list, so I’m proposing a different strategy this year: a preemptive attack against "holiday fat". You don’t have to start your new year with the goal of losing the weight that you had planned on losing last year plus the ten pounds you just gained over the holiday season.
The simplest thing you can do over the holidays is to increase your water intake, especially if you are drinking alcohol. The health benefits of water are already well known, but did you know it has a profound impact on weight loss? Most of us retain water because we do not drink enough water. We even mistake thirst for hunger, so we eat more instead of drinking water. Don’t wait until you are thirsty to drink water, start early in the day and make sure you have access to water all day long. Keep in mind, dehydration not only has health consequences but also affects our mood and can make us lethargic, making it impossible to function, exercise and shop.
Monday, November 30, 2009
Did you "survive" the Thanksgiving holiday?
Getting through the everyday routine is stressful enough, but the holidays can definitely turn it up a notch. After Thanksgiving and Black Friday holiday schedules kick into high gear with holiday shopping, parties, and family get-togethers. To make it through without blowing a fuse (or your budget), here are some tips to stay fit and healthy, both in body and mind:
1. Take a Step Back
Remember that the holidays are about sharing time with loved ones and, for many, celebrating your faith. Don’t let a long to-do list or gift shopping prevent you from making the most of the season. Make a promise to enjoy all that is wonderful about this time of year.
2. Stay Active
The holidays bring fat-laden and sugary temptations galore, from the hearty buffet tables at parties to the seasonal Hershey Kiss-filled candy jars at work. Increasing your calorie intake will translate to added weight. Stay extra active by taking a walk during your lunch hour, parking your car far away from the store entrance when you’re out shopping, or taking the stairs at the mall instead of the elevators. Make sure you are at least as active as you regularly are. Be creative—play a few rounds of charades after dinner with your family.
3. Stick to a Schedule
Keep track of all your obligations in your planner or your Google Calendar. Schedule appointments with yourself to research or purchase holiday gifts. Set a budget and make a list of gifts you plan to purchase and compare prices online to find out where the best deals are. This will not only prevent last-minute impulse shopping, but will also keep your checkbook under control (and will keep the post-holiday stress at bay!).
4. Plan Your Calories
There are plenty of healthy recipe options for big family dinners. Planning ahead and checking out different resources, whether in cookbooks or on the Internet, will help you make the best choices for your waistline.
5. Give Back
Give toys to a collection drive, or donate canned foods to the local food bank, which are facing an increasing need during the holidays. Doing something extra for others is a good reminder to ourselves of all we’ve been blessed with, and sometimes that’s all we need to keep a bit of perspective during the holiday season.
What are you doing to stay stress-free this holiday season?
By Mitzi Dulan, RD, CSSD
Friday, November 13, 2009
How will you handle the "Eating Season?
We are now a couple of weeks into what I like to call the “Eating Season”. It starts off with that creepy yet sugary holiday Halloween. Where we buy bags and bags of candy to give away to soon to be obese children but end up eating most of it ourselves. It then picks up steam as we move closer to the crown jewel of gluttony Thanksgiving. Things really get rolling to what must be a spandex chimney on December 25th. And just as soon as we almost get the table cleared from that we then must celebrate the end of one year and the beginning of what we hope to be a better one. We make those New Year's resolutions then we are once again attacked buy a celebration that has to be number by the Romans, The Super bowl. This is our last excuse for sweat pants and elastic waist bands. So in defense of all of that I have put together a list to help me and maybe others fight off the beast. “Happy Holidays and a Healthy New Year!”
50 ways to lose your blubber
1. Schedule your workouts
2. Drink more water
3. Watch your carb intake
4. Walk more
5. Go to the gym
6. Reward yourself without food
7. Don’t shop for comfort
8. Eat 5 small meals a day
9. Give up cheese
10. Make meals a special time
11. Read diet or fitness magazines
12. Join Weight Watchers
13. Have a weight goal
14. Associate with thin people
15. Exercise 6 days a week
16. Get a fitness partner
17. Keep records of weight and exercise
18. Don’t have a sugar bowl
19. Don’t be afraid to throw food away
20. Only eat ½ your meal
21. Watch less television
22. Picture yourself thin
23. Lift weights
24. Mix up your exercise routine
25. Buy less food
26. Eat at home
27. Take your measurements
28. Take vitamins
29. Burn more calories
30. Have a stationary bike at home and use it
31. “Eat mor chikin”
32. Workout in the morning
33. Eat oatmeal for breakfast
34. Get a personal trainer
35. Sign up for a boot camp
36. Vary your workout plan
37. Take an exercise day off
38. Eat more fish
39. Don’t eat anything white
40. If it taste good spit it out
41. Sign up for a race
42. Breathe
43. Get at least 8 hours of sleep
44. Weigh every day
45. Buy some good running shoes
46. Buy some new workout clothes
47. Have your body fat measured
48. Shop with a list
49. Make a weekly menu
50. Remember sweat will not kill you.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Is there a "right way" to grieve?
Let me answer that immediately: There is no one "right way" to grieve. Losses are inevitable and are ever present in all lives. Death is universal. Grief is universal. We all must cope with bereavement at some stage in our lives. Even though death can be separated into two categories, long-term illness and sudden death, all death is sudden.
The finality of death brings to those left behind a tremendous amount of emotional pain. Grief is not something abnormal; rather, it is a normal and inevitable step in our journey through life. Two simple definitions of grief are
1) the conflicting feelings caused by the end of or change in a familiar pattern or behavior.
2) a normal, natural and painful emotional reaction to loss. We can grieve not only for the passing of a human life, but also for the death of a relationship (divorce) or we can suffer the same emotional reactions over the loss of a beloved pet. Grieving is difficult because it involved many intense feelings – love, sadness, fear, anger, relief, compassion, hate, or happiness to name a few.
Not everyone experiences all of these feelings but many in the grieving process experience several of them at the same time. The feelings are intense, disorganizing and can be long lasting. Grieving often feels has been described as drowning in a sea of painful emotions.
Grieving is difficult work. The following are some suggestion to help in navigating the journey through grief.
-Take time. Don’t let others rush you into “getting over” your feelings.
-Don’t make major decisions. The time of grief is a time of instability.
-Avoid the temptation to use alcohol or drugs to numb the painful feelings.
-Cry. Tears are the healthiest expression of grief. Don’t try to hold back crying for the sake of others.
-Know that there will be good days and bad days. Pangs of intense grief can surface during holidays, significant events such as birthdays or anniversaries.
-Remember the loved one often and as much as you need to. Look at photographs, read old letters and retell your memories to friends and other members of the family.
-Seek people who will understand your need to talk about what happened. Seek out people who will really listen to your remembrances.
-Allow yourself time to heal. Pay attention to your health. Make sure you are getting enough sleep. Eat a healthy diet. Get outside in the sunshine for exercise
or a mild walk.
-Ask for what you need from others. Accept what help they offer. Now is not the time to try to do everything by yourself.
-Seek out grief counseling if you feel you cannot cope alone. Grief counseling is available through community resources, churches and licensed therapists. Join a grief support group. Local community papers will usually have listings. Use the Internet and join an electronic bulletin board dedicated to supporting individuals who have lost loved ones.
-Remember your grief is individual to you. Not everyone’s grief is identical to yours. You will share some similarities with others, but grieving is a very personal and very individual process.
The finality of death brings to those left behind a tremendous amount of emotional pain. Grief is not something abnormal; rather, it is a normal and inevitable step in our journey through life. Two simple definitions of grief are
1) the conflicting feelings caused by the end of or change in a familiar pattern or behavior.
2) a normal, natural and painful emotional reaction to loss. We can grieve not only for the passing of a human life, but also for the death of a relationship (divorce) or we can suffer the same emotional reactions over the loss of a beloved pet. Grieving is difficult because it involved many intense feelings – love, sadness, fear, anger, relief, compassion, hate, or happiness to name a few.
Not everyone experiences all of these feelings but many in the grieving process experience several of them at the same time. The feelings are intense, disorganizing and can be long lasting. Grieving often feels has been described as drowning in a sea of painful emotions.
Grieving is difficult work. The following are some suggestion to help in navigating the journey through grief.
-Take time. Don’t let others rush you into “getting over” your feelings.
-Don’t make major decisions. The time of grief is a time of instability.
-Avoid the temptation to use alcohol or drugs to numb the painful feelings.
-Cry. Tears are the healthiest expression of grief. Don’t try to hold back crying for the sake of others.
-Know that there will be good days and bad days. Pangs of intense grief can surface during holidays, significant events such as birthdays or anniversaries.
-Remember the loved one often and as much as you need to. Look at photographs, read old letters and retell your memories to friends and other members of the family.
-Seek people who will understand your need to talk about what happened. Seek out people who will really listen to your remembrances.
-Allow yourself time to heal. Pay attention to your health. Make sure you are getting enough sleep. Eat a healthy diet. Get outside in the sunshine for exercise
or a mild walk.
-Ask for what you need from others. Accept what help they offer. Now is not the time to try to do everything by yourself.
-Seek out grief counseling if you feel you cannot cope alone. Grief counseling is available through community resources, churches and licensed therapists. Join a grief support group. Local community papers will usually have listings. Use the Internet and join an electronic bulletin board dedicated to supporting individuals who have lost loved ones.
-Remember your grief is individual to you. Not everyone’s grief is identical to yours. You will share some similarities with others, but grieving is a very personal and very individual process.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
How do eating disorders get started?
The start of eating disorders really comes from a variety of factors. While the skinny models of the 1990s are perhaps the origin of a new era of self-conscious, thin-is-in youth, that is not the whole picture. If the public as a whole didn't adopt the idea of thin as ideal beauty, the number of eating disorders we see today probably would be a lot fewer. The following are some different factors that really led to the start of eating disorders in a contemporary setting.
Looks Over Talent
While not all celebrities are exceedingly attractive, almost every one of them is thin. While there are always exceptions, the majority of people who want to succeed in show business, modeling, or popular music are pressured to be thin. In many cases, there are probably plenty of other people out there who are as talented, or even more talented, when compared to the famous actors and musicians out there. The main difference is, only the people with the good looks got the job. Consider all of the instances of very attractive pop singers who rely on the studio to make their voice sound good. They aren't hired to be the most original songwriter or the best singer--they're hired to look good on the album cover and in the music videos.
Peer Pressure and Put Downs
You probably knew that one kid that everyone made fun of or tried to avoid. Maybe that kid was overweight, or had weird clothes, or smelled bad. The moral of the story is, how other people treat you is one of the most important influences you have. If you were abused or made fun of when you were younger, you're more likely to want to find a way to avoid being ridiculed ever again. If that means an eating disorder, some people are still willing to suffer rather than be teased. More than just put downs, peer pressure can be a huge factor. Girls are fiercely competitive, and if they see someone that they think looks better, they can get it in their head that they have to look like her. Sometimes, a bad relationship or abusive boyfriend/girlfriend can nudge someone into having an eating disorder.
Family Troubles
A huge number of people who develop an eating disorder had some sort of trouble in the family when they were growing up. It could have been a divorce, abuse from a parent or sibling, neglect, a lack of support or need for attention, etc. In addition, when parents aren't as involved with their children's lives, the children almost always to turn to the media and their own peers as a source of information. Without the critical role of parents in their lives, many children grow up with a skewed view of what is important and what is normal.
The start of eating disorders might come from your home growing up, the influence of pop culture and the media over today's youth and adults, or even a few cruel words from a peer. Whatever the reason, know that eating disorders are not the answer, and if you know someone who is struggling, make sure that they get some help .
Emile Jarreau, aka, Mr. Fat Loss is fascinated by health, nutrition and weight loss. For more great info about eating disorder for losing weight and keeping it off visit http://www.MrFatLoss.com
Looks Over Talent
While not all celebrities are exceedingly attractive, almost every one of them is thin. While there are always exceptions, the majority of people who want to succeed in show business, modeling, or popular music are pressured to be thin. In many cases, there are probably plenty of other people out there who are as talented, or even more talented, when compared to the famous actors and musicians out there. The main difference is, only the people with the good looks got the job. Consider all of the instances of very attractive pop singers who rely on the studio to make their voice sound good. They aren't hired to be the most original songwriter or the best singer--they're hired to look good on the album cover and in the music videos.
Peer Pressure and Put Downs
You probably knew that one kid that everyone made fun of or tried to avoid. Maybe that kid was overweight, or had weird clothes, or smelled bad. The moral of the story is, how other people treat you is one of the most important influences you have. If you were abused or made fun of when you were younger, you're more likely to want to find a way to avoid being ridiculed ever again. If that means an eating disorder, some people are still willing to suffer rather than be teased. More than just put downs, peer pressure can be a huge factor. Girls are fiercely competitive, and if they see someone that they think looks better, they can get it in their head that they have to look like her. Sometimes, a bad relationship or abusive boyfriend/girlfriend can nudge someone into having an eating disorder.
Family Troubles
A huge number of people who develop an eating disorder had some sort of trouble in the family when they were growing up. It could have been a divorce, abuse from a parent or sibling, neglect, a lack of support or need for attention, etc. In addition, when parents aren't as involved with their children's lives, the children almost always to turn to the media and their own peers as a source of information. Without the critical role of parents in their lives, many children grow up with a skewed view of what is important and what is normal.
The start of eating disorders might come from your home growing up, the influence of pop culture and the media over today's youth and adults, or even a few cruel words from a peer. Whatever the reason, know that eating disorders are not the answer, and if you know someone who is struggling, make sure that they get some help .
Emile Jarreau, aka, Mr. Fat Loss is fascinated by health, nutrition and weight loss. For more great info about eating disorder for losing weight and keeping it off visit http://www.MrFatLoss.com
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Positive thoughts to start your day!
I don't normally send out two posts, two days in a row but I thought this one was particularly good! Hope you think so too!
Alice
Alice
'Be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.'
A sharp tongue can cut your own throat.
If you want your dreams to come true, you mustn't oversleep.
Of all the things you wear, your expression is the most important.
The best vitamin for making friends...... B1.
The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts.
The heaviest thing you can carry is a grudge.
One thing you can give and still keep.....is your word.
You lie the loudest when you lie to yourself
If you lack the courage to start, you have already finished.
One thing you can't recycle is wasted time.
Ideas won't work unless ' You' do.
Your mind is like a parachute...it functions only when open..
The 10 commandments are not a multiple choice.
The pursuit of happiness is the chase of a lifetime! It is never too late to become what you might have been.
Life is too short to wake up with regrets. So love the people who treat you right.. Forget about the one's who don't. Believe everything happens for a reason. If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.
Friends are like balloons; once you let them go, you might not get them back. Sometimes we get so busy with our own lives and problems that we may not even notice that we've let them fly away. Sometimes we are so caught up in who's right and who's wrong that we forget what's right and wrong. Sometimes we just don't realize what real friendship means until it is too late. I don't want to let that happen so I'm gonna tie you to my heart so I never lose you.
Send this to all your friends including me and see how many you get back. Even send it to your balloons that you think have flown away forever. You may be surprised to see it return. Send this heart to everybody you love and like and that have touched your life in a positive way.
A sharp tongue can cut your own throat.
If you want your dreams to come true, you mustn't oversleep.
Of all the things you wear, your expression is the most important.
The best vitamin for making friends...... B1.
The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts.
The heaviest thing you can carry is a grudge.
One thing you can give and still keep.....is your word.
You lie the loudest when you lie to yourself
If you lack the courage to start, you have already finished.
One thing you can't recycle is wasted time.
Ideas won't work unless ' You' do.
Your mind is like a parachute...it functions only when open..
The 10 commandments are not a multiple choice.
The pursuit of happiness is the chase of a lifetime! It is never too late to become what you might have been.
Life is too short to wake up with regrets. So love the people who treat you right.. Forget about the one's who don't. Believe everything happens for a reason. If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.
Friends are like balloons; once you let them go, you might not get them back. Sometimes we get so busy with our own lives and problems that we may not even notice that we've let them fly away. Sometimes we are so caught up in who's right and who's wrong that we forget what's right and wrong. Sometimes we just don't realize what real friendship means until it is too late. I don't want to let that happen so I'm gonna tie you to my heart so I never lose you.
Send this to all your friends including me and see how many you get back. Even send it to your balloons that you think have flown away forever. You may be surprised to see it return. Send this heart to everybody you love and like and that have touched your life in a positive way.
Monday, October 12, 2009
Your emotional health
A friend sent this to me this morning and I thought I would share it with my friends and clients! I'd love to know what you think!
Emotional Addictions
Everyone has their own set of unconscious programs in which they automatically respond to the events in their lives.
Look at your life and ask yourself what emotion or behavior you might be addicted to. Are you attached to drama? Are you playing out a victim or martyr role? Are you attached to a state of mind in which nothing works? Are you holding on to financial limitations?
Observe without judgment everything in your reality. Take one aspect of your life and look at the pattern from the intention of understanding and releasing. Ask yourself if there was an emotional addiction what would it be? Know that in the asking the answer will be revealed.
Once you have observed your dysfunctional addictions, it is now a matter of intention and celebration to shift that pattern at every opportunity. It becomes a playful conscious game of discovery and expansion. We are in a time of great accelerating transformation in which these automatic responses can be discovered, disconnected and deleted.
All multidimensional humans are being invited into the awareness of who they are and the service they offer from their most magnificent self.
Observe the challenges being attracted into your life. These challenges are your greatest gift, for they hold the key, the puzzle piece, to your dysfunctional programs and patterns. With clear intent and gentle observation of ego self notice and recognize the limiting patterns. Is it your health, wealth, happiness or joy that you are limiting?
Be kind with this search. Ask assistance from your multidimensional awareness; know you are being supported in the clearing of these limitations and the restoring of your true cosmic magnificence.
You are one with the energy fabric of humanity and the universe. When you heal or transform some energy pattern in your circuits, this transformation is available to the entire matrix. You are a transformer.
Emotional Addictions
Everyone has their own set of unconscious programs in which they automatically respond to the events in their lives.
Look at your life and ask yourself what emotion or behavior you might be addicted to. Are you attached to drama? Are you playing out a victim or martyr role? Are you attached to a state of mind in which nothing works? Are you holding on to financial limitations?
Observe without judgment everything in your reality. Take one aspect of your life and look at the pattern from the intention of understanding and releasing. Ask yourself if there was an emotional addiction what would it be? Know that in the asking the answer will be revealed.
Once you have observed your dysfunctional addictions, it is now a matter of intention and celebration to shift that pattern at every opportunity. It becomes a playful conscious game of discovery and expansion. We are in a time of great accelerating transformation in which these automatic responses can be discovered, disconnected and deleted.
All multidimensional humans are being invited into the awareness of who they are and the service they offer from their most magnificent self.
Observe the challenges being attracted into your life. These challenges are your greatest gift, for they hold the key, the puzzle piece, to your dysfunctional programs and patterns. With clear intent and gentle observation of ego self notice and recognize the limiting patterns. Is it your health, wealth, happiness or joy that you are limiting?
Be kind with this search. Ask assistance from your multidimensional awareness; know you are being supported in the clearing of these limitations and the restoring of your true cosmic magnificence.
You are one with the energy fabric of humanity and the universe. When you heal or transform some energy pattern in your circuits, this transformation is available to the entire matrix. You are a transformer.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
It's all about "Resiliancy"
Did you ever notice that there are some people
that seem to live in the "flow?" They seem to
attract money, great opportunities and display
unwavering confidence in themselves at all times.
This is not an accident or sheer luck.
These people have learned how to conquer limiting
beliefs that hold back most others.
One small limiting belief will keep you paralyzed
in fear. And this fear will keep you from taking
action and moving forward in your life.
OR, you can take inspired action and learn how to
conquer limiting beliefs, once and for all, and
attract miracles in your life. (Which I'll show
you how to do in a minute.)
First, let's see if you have any limiting beliefs
and then I'll show you an effective technique to
help conquer them.
If you say of any of the following things to
yourself, you have at least one limiting belief...
- "I'll never lose this weight."
- "I cannot be cured of this disease."
- "I'll never be wealthy or financially free."
- "I'm not smart enough."
- "My relationship is over, so why bother trying
to fix it."
- "Who am I to think I can be successful.
Nobody in my family is."
- "I'm afraid to switch jobs. What if it
doesn't work out?"
- "Why should I try?"
- "I'm a big loser."
- "Nobody will ever love me."
- "I'm not attractive."
- "My (wife/husband) does not love me anymore."
- "I can't afford it."
- "Investments are for rich people."
- "I'm too old to go back to school."
- "I have no business experience, so I'm sure to
fail."
- "I cannot afford to invest in anything. I'll
probably lose it all."
- "I'm too young, nobody will take me
seriously."
Do any of these seem familiar?
Heck, you may have many more limiting beliefs.
It's very important to be honest with yourself
about this. (And believe me - you're not alone.)
Now...I want to teach you a clearing method that
conquers limiting beliefs called "The Vital
Message."
Here's what you do...
1. Write down any ailments, feelings, or other
discomforts you are experiencing.
2. If you have a pain, ailment, or feeling, you
do not like...welcome it. Then write down a
description of it. How deep is it? What color
is it? How intense is it? Really feel it and get
in touch with it.
3. Ask the feeling what it is trying to tell you.
Just pretend you can hear an answer. Go with it.
You'll be surprised what it will tell you. Then
write it down. This alone is liberating.
4. Take any action steps that the feeling may
request of you, and write down your experience and
insights. In time, this will clear your limiting
belief.
Repeat this for each limiting belief. Keep in
mind that this takes practice. If you take
inspired action and persist, it will work for you.
Many people, in fact hundreds, since the original
program began, have gone on to conquer limiting
beliefs enabling them to attract their own
miracles.
Some are attracting new cars, homes, new found
happiness, and better health - while others are
experiencing weight loss, quitting smoking,
starting a new business, getting over traumatic
memories, and even finding their soul mate.
All these people followed a proven system, that
works consistently, day after day, year after
year. This process is built around conquering
limiting beliefs.
In fact, once you learn this process - it keeps
right on working for you.
(from an email I received from Dr. Joe Vitale
that seem to live in the "flow?" They seem to
attract money, great opportunities and display
unwavering confidence in themselves at all times.
This is not an accident or sheer luck.
These people have learned how to conquer limiting
beliefs that hold back most others.
One small limiting belief will keep you paralyzed
in fear. And this fear will keep you from taking
action and moving forward in your life.
OR, you can take inspired action and learn how to
conquer limiting beliefs, once and for all, and
attract miracles in your life. (Which I'll show
you how to do in a minute.)
First, let's see if you have any limiting beliefs
and then I'll show you an effective technique to
help conquer them.
If you say of any of the following things to
yourself, you have at least one limiting belief...
- "I'll never lose this weight."
- "I cannot be cured of this disease."
- "I'll never be wealthy or financially free."
- "I'm not smart enough."
- "My relationship is over, so why bother trying
to fix it."
- "Who am I to think I can be successful.
Nobody in my family is."
- "I'm afraid to switch jobs. What if it
doesn't work out?"
- "Why should I try?"
- "I'm a big loser."
- "Nobody will ever love me."
- "I'm not attractive."
- "My (wife/husband) does not love me anymore."
- "I can't afford it."
- "Investments are for rich people."
- "I'm too old to go back to school."
- "I have no business experience, so I'm sure to
fail."
- "I cannot afford to invest in anything. I'll
probably lose it all."
- "I'm too young, nobody will take me
seriously."
Do any of these seem familiar?
Heck, you may have many more limiting beliefs.
It's very important to be honest with yourself
about this. (And believe me - you're not alone.)
Now...I want to teach you a clearing method that
conquers limiting beliefs called "The Vital
Message."
Here's what you do...
1. Write down any ailments, feelings, or other
discomforts you are experiencing.
2. If you have a pain, ailment, or feeling, you
do not like...welcome it. Then write down a
description of it. How deep is it? What color
is it? How intense is it? Really feel it and get
in touch with it.
3. Ask the feeling what it is trying to tell you.
Just pretend you can hear an answer. Go with it.
You'll be surprised what it will tell you. Then
write it down. This alone is liberating.
4. Take any action steps that the feeling may
request of you, and write down your experience and
insights. In time, this will clear your limiting
belief.
Repeat this for each limiting belief. Keep in
mind that this takes practice. If you take
inspired action and persist, it will work for you.
Many people, in fact hundreds, since the original
program began, have gone on to conquer limiting
beliefs enabling them to attract their own
miracles.
Some are attracting new cars, homes, new found
happiness, and better health - while others are
experiencing weight loss, quitting smoking,
starting a new business, getting over traumatic
memories, and even finding their soul mate.
All these people followed a proven system, that
works consistently, day after day, year after
year. This process is built around conquering
limiting beliefs.
In fact, once you learn this process - it keeps
right on working for you.
(from an email I received from Dr. Joe Vitale
Friday, September 18, 2009
Coping with the loss of a parent
Recently, I've known so many friends and clients who have lost a parent. Even when you know it's coming, the death of a parent can be a very shocking and life-changing experience. Suddenly the person that you turned to for their wisdom and their advice is no longer available. Suddenly you may find yourself the oldest generation of the family.
Oftentime, people neglect themselves during this time because they are focused on the loved one. With that in mind, I offer these suggestions from Dyer K. 2002. How to Cope with Loss, Grief, Death & Dying
1.Take it one hour at a time, one day at a time.
2.In as much as possible maintain a normal routine. Keep doing your regular activities.
3.Get enough sleep or at least enough rest.
4.Regular exercise, even just walking, helps to relieve stress, tension and improve a person's overall mood.
5.Eat a balanced healthy diet with plenty of water. This will help your body keep functioning during the time of added stress. Limit the high calorie and junk "comfort" foods.
6.Avoid using alcohol, medications or other drugs to mask the pain.
7.Do those things and be with the people who nurture, comfort and recharge you.
8.Talk to or interact with others (inperson or online groups), especially those who have lived through and survived similar experiences. They may provide valuable insights for coping.
9.Do something creative--writing, journaling, gardening, painting, woodworking, building, photography--to express the intense feelings.
10.Remember the coping strategies used to survive past challenges. Draw upon these inner strengths again.
Oftentime, people neglect themselves during this time because they are focused on the loved one. With that in mind, I offer these suggestions from Dyer K. 2002. How to Cope with Loss, Grief, Death & Dying
1.Take it one hour at a time, one day at a time.
2.In as much as possible maintain a normal routine. Keep doing your regular activities.
3.Get enough sleep or at least enough rest.
4.Regular exercise, even just walking, helps to relieve stress, tension and improve a person's overall mood.
5.Eat a balanced healthy diet with plenty of water. This will help your body keep functioning during the time of added stress. Limit the high calorie and junk "comfort" foods.
6.Avoid using alcohol, medications or other drugs to mask the pain.
7.Do those things and be with the people who nurture, comfort and recharge you.
8.Talk to or interact with others (inperson or online groups), especially those who have lived through and survived similar experiences. They may provide valuable insights for coping.
9.Do something creative--writing, journaling, gardening, painting, woodworking, building, photography--to express the intense feelings.
10.Remember the coping strategies used to survive past challenges. Draw upon these inner strengths again.
Monday, September 7, 2009
Don't get stuck in past or future
Oftentimes clients come in and report the same past hurts over and over. They know that they are stuck in the past and that the past can't be changed, but they go back over and over to re-visit these hurts, slights, tragedies, etc.
Then there are those that are immobilized because of things that "might happen" next week, tomorrow or even later today. Still, it's the future.
The reality is that life happens in the present and that's the only thing we can really do anything about. Do YOU have trouble staying in the present? A technique to become present, according to Lea Cordon, is to "Picture 2 boxes in your head, one for the past and one for the future. Concentrate on inhaling and exhaling deeply. If thoughts come to your mind sort them into one of the 2 boxes until your mind feels quiet and at peace."
Where will YOU spend this Labor Day?? Have a good one!
Then there are those that are immobilized because of things that "might happen" next week, tomorrow or even later today. Still, it's the future.
The reality is that life happens in the present and that's the only thing we can really do anything about. Do YOU have trouble staying in the present? A technique to become present, according to Lea Cordon, is to "Picture 2 boxes in your head, one for the past and one for the future. Concentrate on inhaling and exhaling deeply. If thoughts come to your mind sort them into one of the 2 boxes until your mind feels quiet and at peace."
Where will YOU spend this Labor Day?? Have a good one!
Friday, September 4, 2009
Learning to Dance in the Rain
Do you know what a blessing it is to be able to choose your attitude? We can't change other people, places or things, but can change how we react to things. Watch this little video and tell me what you think!
http://www.danceintherainmovie.com/. I think it's excellent!
Have a wonderful Labor Day holiday!
Alice
http://www.danceintherainmovie.com/. I think it's excellent!
Have a wonderful Labor Day holiday!
Alice
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Learning to be patient: your day will go better!
Could you use some more patience? We live in an impatient society and it takes a toll on everyone. Try these steps and try to be patient with YOURSELF!
1.Try to figure out why you're in such a hurry. We tend to lose our patience when we're multi-tasking or when we're on a tight schedule. If you're stretching yourself too thin, you should reconsider your to-do list before you attempt to change your natural reaction to an overwhelming situation. Try to spread out your tasks so that you're doing only one thing at a time. Delegate responsibilities to others if you can; this in itself may be a test of your patience, but you have to learn to share the load.
2.Pinpoint the triggers that often make you lose your patience. Impatience creeps in insidiously, and if you feel anxious, worried, or unhappy you may not even realize that the underlying cause of these feelings is impatience. To reduce the frequency of impatience, it helps to be aware of it. Which events, people, phrases or circumstances always seem to make you lose your cool? Sit down and make a list of all the things which cause you anxiety, tension, or frustration. At the core of most triggers is a reality that we have a hard time accepting. What are those realities for you?
3.Overcome bouts of impatience. In the long run, developing patience requires a change in your attitude about life, but you can immediately make progress by learning to relax whenever you feel impatient. Take a few deep breaths and just try to clear your mind. Concentrate on breathing and you'll be able to get your bearings.
4.Look for patterns. Being aware of your impatience also gives you a chance to learn from it and perhaps uncover a relationship or circumstance that is simply not healthy or constructive, and that you may have the power to change. Figure that out, and you can then think logically about the problem issue and decide whether or not your impatience is warranted or helpful. It usually isn't, but when it is you can then figure out ways to fix the root problem rather than simply feeling stressed about it.
5.Let go if you can't do anything about the impatience trigger. If there isn't anything that you can do to resolve whatever has triggered your impatience, just let it go. Easier said than done, yes, but it's possible, and it's the only healthy thing to do. Initially, you will probably find it difficult to let go if the matter is important to you--waiting to hear back after a job interview, for instance--but you should be able to alleviate impatience that's caused by issues of less consequence (i.e. waiting in line at the grocery store). If you make a concerted effort to be more patient in relatively inconsequential, short-term situations, you'll gradually develop the strength to remain patient in even the most trying and enduring situations.
6.Remind yourself that things take time. People who are impatient are people who insist on getting things done now and don't like to waste time. However, some things just can't be rushed. Think about your happiest memories. Chances are, they were instances when your patience paid off, like when you worked steadily towards a goal that wasn't immediately gratifying, or took a little extra time to spend leisurely with a loved one. Would you have those memories if you had been impatient? Probably not. Almost anything really good in life takes time and dedication, and if you're impatient, you're more likely to give up on relationships, goals, and other things that are important to you. Good things may not always come to those who wait, but most good things that do come don't come right away.
7.Expect the unexpected. Yes, you have plans, but things don't always work out as planned. Accept the twist and turns in life gracefully. Keep your expectations realistic. This applies not only to circumstances, but also the behavior of those around you. If you find yourself blowing up over your child or your spouse accidentally spilling a drink, you're not in touch with the fact that people aren't perfect. Even if the occasion is not an isolated incident but is instead caused by their repeated neglect and carelessness, losing your patience isn't going to make it any better. That's something to be addressed with discussion and self-control.
8.Give yourself a break. The meaning of this is twofold. First, take a few minutes to do absolutely nothing. Just sit quietly and think. Don't watch television; don't even read. Do nothing. It may be hard at first, and you may even feel pretty impatient after a minute or two, but by taking some time out you can essentially slow your world down, and that's important to develop the attitude necessary to develop patience. Second, stop holding yourself and the world around you to unreachable standards. Sure, we'd all be more patient if babies didn't cry, dishes didn't break, computers didn't crash, and people didn't make mistakes--but that's never going to happen. Expecting the world to run smoothly is like beating your head against the wall. Give yourself a break.
9.Remember what matters. Not focusing on what matters most in this life fuels impatience. Move the world toward peace by being kind, generous in forgiveness of others, being grateful for what is, and taking full advantage of what matters most. When other less important things fuel our impatience, taking time to remember any one of these items reduces our tendency to want something different right now.
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Tips for Dealing with Back-to-School Anxiety
The countdown to the start of the school year has begun. And while most kids aren’t exactly looking forward to it, some kids are truly dreading the return to the classroom.
Anxiety over making new friends, being in a new school, facing bullies, feeling “uncool” or coping with academic pressure can make even a well-adjusted child anxious. And that anxiety or fear can build up in a child’s mind, leading them to act on it in many ways — from tummy aches and sleep problems to out-and-out refusal to go to school — says a University of Michigan Health System child psychologist.
Fortunately, there’s still time to do something about it. Parents can start now, in the summer, to help kids face their fears and calm their worries, says Michelle Kees, Ph.D.
Most kids can overcome their fears with the help of a parent, she says. But for children who show signs of anxiety over a longer period, or intense fears, parents shouldn’t hesitate to seek professional help from someone trained to help children and teens with anxiety problems and other mental health issues. As many as 5 percent of children have expressed some sort of prolonged “school refusal,” experts estimate.
Fear of school can also have its roots in other situations — such as stressful home events, learning problems or bullying — that need prompt attention. And serious untreated anxiety in childhood can put a child at risk for problems later in life.
“Going back to school can be a very exciting time for children, or it can be a time of great anxiety, apprehension and uncertainty,” says Kees, a clinical assistant professor of psychiatry, who treats children with anxiety disorders through the U-M Child & Adolescent Psychiatry clinic. “With any change that we experience in our lives, natural emotions such as anxiety can emerge. For children, this becomes more pronounced because every year they have this new experience of returning to school or starting at a new school.”
If kids and parents don’t deal with the anxiety and its causes, Kees says, “it can get out of control very easily. Often times, it’s a vicious cycle where a child will feel anxious about going to school, the parent will feel badly for the child, and allow them to stay home. The next day, it becomes even more difficult for that child to go to school.”
So, no matter what, parents shouldn’t let anxiety keep kids away from school, she says. Talk to school counselors and teachers, and mental health professionals if need be, to figure out what might be done. And most important of all, work hard to talk openly with your child about what’s worrying them, and how they might deal with it.
Depending on your child’s age, different things might be causing them to worry, and different techniques might be able to ease their back-to-school fears, Kees explains. She offers this advice:
Kindergarten and elementary school children
Parents of young kids often have a lump in their throat as they send their child off for the first day of kindergarten or first grade. Kids can pick up on that nervousness, says Kees, making their own worries even more intense. Months of buildup to the start of school, talking about it as a big event in the child’s young life, can also make a child anxious.
“Young kids who are anxious might avoid talking about going to school, or about school supplies, or about going to get their new school supplies,” says Kees. “Parents should begin early by opening a line of communication even with young children about school experiences and expectations, and about a child’s thoughts and feelings about school. Help children connect with their school by visiting it before school starts, especially if it’s a school they haven’t attended before.”
Shopping together for school supplies, and using the shopping trip as a time to talk about what to expect at school, can be a healthy way to keep a child talking. Parents should also try to connect their child with future classmates. “If a child knows someone who is going to be in the same classroom, that can greatly reduce their apprehension and fear of the unknown,” says Kees.
What if the first week of school arrives and a child still doesn’t want to go to school? He or she might not say it directly, but rather claim to have a tummy ache, a sore throat or a headache that quickly disappears once it’s decided to keep him or her home from school. Kids might hide when it’s time to get ready to go to school, or throw temper tantrums. Anxiety can also cause a child to have trouble sleeping or have nightmares while they’re sleeping. Little ones especially may become very clingy, and not want to leave a parent’s side – especially if they aren’t used to being away from parents during the day.
All of these signs of anxiety may end soon after the start of school. But if they continue for several weeks, Kees recommends that parents talk to a school professional or mental health counselor.
Middle school children
Making the transition from a small elementary school to a bigger middle school with different classes and more difficult work can be a big hurdle for some pre-teens. This age also comes with the added issue of meeting new children and facing social pressures about clothes, appearance and other things.
“For parents, recognizing anxiety in middle-school children can sometimes be difficult. This is the age when friends start to become more important than parents in a child’s view, and they may not share their feelings with you,” says Kees. “Possible indicators include coming up with excuses for not riding the bus or staying at planned school activities, or any behavior that involves avoiding going to school.”
Children who withdraw from friends or family, seem sad or less energetic, or just “aren’t themselves” may be experiencing issues about going to school or something more serious such as depression.
“If parents notice a dramatic change in their child’s attitude about school, their level of enjoyment or interest, as well as their performance, this is a red flag that something might be going on that should be addressed,” Kees explains. Parents can start by talking with their child’s teacher or school counselor, and perhaps seek advice from a mental health professional in the community.
High school students
Health Minute ImageBy the time they reach high school, kids face a growing amount of responsibility at school, including pressure to fit in, and to do well academically in order to prepare for college or technical school. This is also the time of a young person’s life when they develop their own identity and the self-confidence needed to be independent.
Starting high school comes with a whole range of anxieties, says Kees. “The fear of starting high school and thinking, ‘Where do I fit in, what will people think of me, and will there be peer pressure to do things I don’t want to do,’ can be quite overwhelming as a freshman, or even later,” she says.
Teens tend to talk with their friends rather than their parents when something is bothering them, says Kees, and if their parents ask if something’s wrong, they may deny it. But parents can try to keep the lines of communication open by talking to teens about their friends, about their interests and activities, and anything else that might help a teen “open up” and say if something’s on their mind. Teens with anxiety issues may also have frequent headaches, dizziness, nausea and muscle aches that don’t seem to have any cause, or may have trouble sleeping.
Anxiety and depression can go hand-in-hand in teens, and the late teen years are a peak time for depression to begin. Parents should keep an eye out for major changes in their teen’s behavior and attitudes, loss of interest in things that once held their attention, large drops in their grades, aggression or irritability, or withdrawal from friends and family. These kinds of signs can signal a more serious problem that will need professional help to address.
When anxiety about school “masks” something else
Kids of any age who don’t want to go to school, or avoid it, may be doing so because of a specific issue beyond general anxiety, worry or depression, Kees notes.
“Children who are bullied or teased often become anxious about going to school, and if the problem is not addressed, the anxiety will continue along with a host of other problems,” she says. “Similarly, children who are avoiding school may be doing so because school is hard for them — school anxiety many times emerges just before a child is diagnosed with a learning difficulty.”
The bottom line, she says, is for parents to reach out to their kids and talk honestly about what’s going on. And, if problems persist, reach out for help — through the school, the child’s doctor or nurse, or a mental health professional.
source: http://www.med.umich.edu/opm/newspage/2006/hmschoolanxiety.htm
Anxiety over making new friends, being in a new school, facing bullies, feeling “uncool” or coping with academic pressure can make even a well-adjusted child anxious. And that anxiety or fear can build up in a child’s mind, leading them to act on it in many ways — from tummy aches and sleep problems to out-and-out refusal to go to school — says a University of Michigan Health System child psychologist.
Fortunately, there’s still time to do something about it. Parents can start now, in the summer, to help kids face their fears and calm their worries, says Michelle Kees, Ph.D.
Most kids can overcome their fears with the help of a parent, she says. But for children who show signs of anxiety over a longer period, or intense fears, parents shouldn’t hesitate to seek professional help from someone trained to help children and teens with anxiety problems and other mental health issues. As many as 5 percent of children have expressed some sort of prolonged “school refusal,” experts estimate.
Fear of school can also have its roots in other situations — such as stressful home events, learning problems or bullying — that need prompt attention. And serious untreated anxiety in childhood can put a child at risk for problems later in life.
“Going back to school can be a very exciting time for children, or it can be a time of great anxiety, apprehension and uncertainty,” says Kees, a clinical assistant professor of psychiatry, who treats children with anxiety disorders through the U-M Child & Adolescent Psychiatry clinic. “With any change that we experience in our lives, natural emotions such as anxiety can emerge. For children, this becomes more pronounced because every year they have this new experience of returning to school or starting at a new school.”
If kids and parents don’t deal with the anxiety and its causes, Kees says, “it can get out of control very easily. Often times, it’s a vicious cycle where a child will feel anxious about going to school, the parent will feel badly for the child, and allow them to stay home. The next day, it becomes even more difficult for that child to go to school.”
So, no matter what, parents shouldn’t let anxiety keep kids away from school, she says. Talk to school counselors and teachers, and mental health professionals if need be, to figure out what might be done. And most important of all, work hard to talk openly with your child about what’s worrying them, and how they might deal with it.
Depending on your child’s age, different things might be causing them to worry, and different techniques might be able to ease their back-to-school fears, Kees explains. She offers this advice:
Kindergarten and elementary school children
Parents of young kids often have a lump in their throat as they send their child off for the first day of kindergarten or first grade. Kids can pick up on that nervousness, says Kees, making their own worries even more intense. Months of buildup to the start of school, talking about it as a big event in the child’s young life, can also make a child anxious.
“Young kids who are anxious might avoid talking about going to school, or about school supplies, or about going to get their new school supplies,” says Kees. “Parents should begin early by opening a line of communication even with young children about school experiences and expectations, and about a child’s thoughts and feelings about school. Help children connect with their school by visiting it before school starts, especially if it’s a school they haven’t attended before.”
Shopping together for school supplies, and using the shopping trip as a time to talk about what to expect at school, can be a healthy way to keep a child talking. Parents should also try to connect their child with future classmates. “If a child knows someone who is going to be in the same classroom, that can greatly reduce their apprehension and fear of the unknown,” says Kees.
What if the first week of school arrives and a child still doesn’t want to go to school? He or she might not say it directly, but rather claim to have a tummy ache, a sore throat or a headache that quickly disappears once it’s decided to keep him or her home from school. Kids might hide when it’s time to get ready to go to school, or throw temper tantrums. Anxiety can also cause a child to have trouble sleeping or have nightmares while they’re sleeping. Little ones especially may become very clingy, and not want to leave a parent’s side – especially if they aren’t used to being away from parents during the day.
All of these signs of anxiety may end soon after the start of school. But if they continue for several weeks, Kees recommends that parents talk to a school professional or mental health counselor.
Middle school children
Making the transition from a small elementary school to a bigger middle school with different classes and more difficult work can be a big hurdle for some pre-teens. This age also comes with the added issue of meeting new children and facing social pressures about clothes, appearance and other things.
“For parents, recognizing anxiety in middle-school children can sometimes be difficult. This is the age when friends start to become more important than parents in a child’s view, and they may not share their feelings with you,” says Kees. “Possible indicators include coming up with excuses for not riding the bus or staying at planned school activities, or any behavior that involves avoiding going to school.”
Children who withdraw from friends or family, seem sad or less energetic, or just “aren’t themselves” may be experiencing issues about going to school or something more serious such as depression.
“If parents notice a dramatic change in their child’s attitude about school, their level of enjoyment or interest, as well as their performance, this is a red flag that something might be going on that should be addressed,” Kees explains. Parents can start by talking with their child’s teacher or school counselor, and perhaps seek advice from a mental health professional in the community.
High school students
Health Minute ImageBy the time they reach high school, kids face a growing amount of responsibility at school, including pressure to fit in, and to do well academically in order to prepare for college or technical school. This is also the time of a young person’s life when they develop their own identity and the self-confidence needed to be independent.
Starting high school comes with a whole range of anxieties, says Kees. “The fear of starting high school and thinking, ‘Where do I fit in, what will people think of me, and will there be peer pressure to do things I don’t want to do,’ can be quite overwhelming as a freshman, or even later,” she says.
Teens tend to talk with their friends rather than their parents when something is bothering them, says Kees, and if their parents ask if something’s wrong, they may deny it. But parents can try to keep the lines of communication open by talking to teens about their friends, about their interests and activities, and anything else that might help a teen “open up” and say if something’s on their mind. Teens with anxiety issues may also have frequent headaches, dizziness, nausea and muscle aches that don’t seem to have any cause, or may have trouble sleeping.
Anxiety and depression can go hand-in-hand in teens, and the late teen years are a peak time for depression to begin. Parents should keep an eye out for major changes in their teen’s behavior and attitudes, loss of interest in things that once held their attention, large drops in their grades, aggression or irritability, or withdrawal from friends and family. These kinds of signs can signal a more serious problem that will need professional help to address.
When anxiety about school “masks” something else
Kids of any age who don’t want to go to school, or avoid it, may be doing so because of a specific issue beyond general anxiety, worry or depression, Kees notes.
“Children who are bullied or teased often become anxious about going to school, and if the problem is not addressed, the anxiety will continue along with a host of other problems,” she says. “Similarly, children who are avoiding school may be doing so because school is hard for them — school anxiety many times emerges just before a child is diagnosed with a learning difficulty.”
The bottom line, she says, is for parents to reach out to their kids and talk honestly about what’s going on. And, if problems persist, reach out for help — through the school, the child’s doctor or nurse, or a mental health professional.
source: http://www.med.umich.edu/opm/newspage/2006/hmschoolanxiety.htm
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Hurt people, hurt people: Tips on Anger Management
Email this article
Printer friendly page
"Hurt people, hurt people." In other words, people who hurt others with their actions and words are people who are hurting inside themselves! When someone lashes out at another person, they are expressing their hurt in a destructive and irresponsible manner. Feelings of hurt and pain are normal parts of everyday life. Therefore, it is important to find solutions to our problems that are constructive and responsible in order to enjoy the pleasures that life has to offer, as well.
Feelings never tell us what to do. They only tell us that something requires our attention. So negative feelings can play a positive role in our lives. We must put ourselves in control of the painful emotions rather than be controlled by them. The first step in taking control is to ask the question, "What is causing these feelings?"
Sometimes the cause of the feelings is from recent events-job loss or health decline. Other times, the cause is a manifestation of negative emotion from long ago-unresolved issues of adolescence. Take the time to ask the question, think, and seek answers. This is important whether you are the one who is angry or the one who is on the receiving end of an angry person's wrath.
If you are angry and find yourself hurting others, here are some things that should help you deal with your feelings in a more constructive way:
1. Be mindful that you are entitled to the full range of feelings that life has to offer, one of which is pain. Make up your mind that you are not entitled to hurt others with those feelings. It is normal to feel pain. It is unacceptable to inflict it.
2. Take note of what makes you want to act ugly, sullen, and resentful. Is there a pattern? Do your assumptions about people and life need adjustments so that you're not so upset by (often unrelated or minor) irritants?
3. Remain current with your feelings and needs. Don't put off taking care of yourself. Feel pain, acknowledge it, and search for solutions. Reactions that are solution-oriented help you find good ways to deal with hurt.
4. Change you attitude about hurt. This allows you to avoid hurt in the first place. By this, I don't mean you should avoid things that make you feel bad. Adopt a personal policy not to let negative emotion control you. When you decide to take control, pain can't fester into an uncontrollable monster.
5. Don't choose the pain. I hate to say this, but some people hurt, because they choose to hurt. They decide that something is worth suffering over and believe that they need to "dwell here now." That's not to say that you should no longer discriminate between right and wrong. However, be more discriminating about that on which you're willing to expend mental energy.
6. Approach people and situations with patience and understanding. This causes you to slow down and act less impulsively. Imagine that a child spills milk at the table and an adult goes bonkers. The adult hasn't stopped to think about the fact that when children are growing up, the latter are clumsy at different developmental stages by nature, and that the spilt milk was not intentional or the result of laziness.
7. Look for non-destructive ways to express your anger. Being current, as previously mentioned, is one way. Others include, but are not limited to, taking slow deep breaths, biting your tongue, holding in your stomach, counting to ten, meditating, contemplating and praying. All of us do better when we control our impulses when expressing anger.
If you're someone who finds yourself in a hurt person's line of fire, you need some tools to manage their feelings as well as your own. Some options include:
1. Let them vent. Listen to their frustrations before you speak or act. Never interrupt, because until you hear their story, you know nothing. Find out as much as you can about the source of their pain and you'll know why they're angry.
2. Assess your level of responsibility in causing their pain. If you are directly involved, take responsibility and make things right. However, often you will find that you are not the target or cause of the pain. If you were just in the right place at the right time, don't take it personally.
3. Adopt an attitude of forgiveness. Try to understand that when people are hurt, they don't always think clearly and they say things that they don't really mean. It's easy to be consumed with reciprocal anger, so avoid the urge by forgiving them.
4. Be mindful of how you respond to them. The goal is to make things better, not worse. Sometimes they just want someone to acknowledge their pain. You can do so by saying something like, "I don't know just what to do to help you right now, but I want you to know how sorry I am about this."
5. Take control of your own feelings. Don't give up your power to them by allowing their words to control the way you respond. Their pain, even when directed at you, does not define you.
Hurt people can only hurt others if allowed to do so. With adults, know that you can judge the size of a person by the size of the things that they allow to make them angry. Yes, we've all had initial feelings of hurt as the result of others' actions and words. But, when we take a moment to really look at the situation, all of us have the power to draw the line and refuse to accept another's hurt.
Remember that people say and do boneheaded things from time to time without thinking. People forget, lose their tempers, underachieve by our standards, break promises, cheat, lie and do other things that disappoint us. Make allowances for people's differences. Human beings make errors. Values amongst us are varied. If you keep your standards very high, you are subject to be more sensitive around people with low standards. If you have low standards, you will feel offended and slighted by those who have high standards. That said, the bottom line is this: when someone is hurting someone else, they are acting from a place of pain and hurt. Diminish the hurt to make room for enrichment. Instead of hurt people hurting people, you then have enriched people enriching people.
Printer friendly page
"Hurt people, hurt people." In other words, people who hurt others with their actions and words are people who are hurting inside themselves! When someone lashes out at another person, they are expressing their hurt in a destructive and irresponsible manner. Feelings of hurt and pain are normal parts of everyday life. Therefore, it is important to find solutions to our problems that are constructive and responsible in order to enjoy the pleasures that life has to offer, as well.
Feelings never tell us what to do. They only tell us that something requires our attention. So negative feelings can play a positive role in our lives. We must put ourselves in control of the painful emotions rather than be controlled by them. The first step in taking control is to ask the question, "What is causing these feelings?"
Sometimes the cause of the feelings is from recent events-job loss or health decline. Other times, the cause is a manifestation of negative emotion from long ago-unresolved issues of adolescence. Take the time to ask the question, think, and seek answers. This is important whether you are the one who is angry or the one who is on the receiving end of an angry person's wrath.
If you are angry and find yourself hurting others, here are some things that should help you deal with your feelings in a more constructive way:
1. Be mindful that you are entitled to the full range of feelings that life has to offer, one of which is pain. Make up your mind that you are not entitled to hurt others with those feelings. It is normal to feel pain. It is unacceptable to inflict it.
2. Take note of what makes you want to act ugly, sullen, and resentful. Is there a pattern? Do your assumptions about people and life need adjustments so that you're not so upset by (often unrelated or minor) irritants?
3. Remain current with your feelings and needs. Don't put off taking care of yourself. Feel pain, acknowledge it, and search for solutions. Reactions that are solution-oriented help you find good ways to deal with hurt.
4. Change you attitude about hurt. This allows you to avoid hurt in the first place. By this, I don't mean you should avoid things that make you feel bad. Adopt a personal policy not to let negative emotion control you. When you decide to take control, pain can't fester into an uncontrollable monster.
5. Don't choose the pain. I hate to say this, but some people hurt, because they choose to hurt. They decide that something is worth suffering over and believe that they need to "dwell here now." That's not to say that you should no longer discriminate between right and wrong. However, be more discriminating about that on which you're willing to expend mental energy.
6. Approach people and situations with patience and understanding. This causes you to slow down and act less impulsively. Imagine that a child spills milk at the table and an adult goes bonkers. The adult hasn't stopped to think about the fact that when children are growing up, the latter are clumsy at different developmental stages by nature, and that the spilt milk was not intentional or the result of laziness.
7. Look for non-destructive ways to express your anger. Being current, as previously mentioned, is one way. Others include, but are not limited to, taking slow deep breaths, biting your tongue, holding in your stomach, counting to ten, meditating, contemplating and praying. All of us do better when we control our impulses when expressing anger.
If you're someone who finds yourself in a hurt person's line of fire, you need some tools to manage their feelings as well as your own. Some options include:
1. Let them vent. Listen to their frustrations before you speak or act. Never interrupt, because until you hear their story, you know nothing. Find out as much as you can about the source of their pain and you'll know why they're angry.
2. Assess your level of responsibility in causing their pain. If you are directly involved, take responsibility and make things right. However, often you will find that you are not the target or cause of the pain. If you were just in the right place at the right time, don't take it personally.
3. Adopt an attitude of forgiveness. Try to understand that when people are hurt, they don't always think clearly and they say things that they don't really mean. It's easy to be consumed with reciprocal anger, so avoid the urge by forgiving them.
4. Be mindful of how you respond to them. The goal is to make things better, not worse. Sometimes they just want someone to acknowledge their pain. You can do so by saying something like, "I don't know just what to do to help you right now, but I want you to know how sorry I am about this."
5. Take control of your own feelings. Don't give up your power to them by allowing their words to control the way you respond. Their pain, even when directed at you, does not define you.
Hurt people can only hurt others if allowed to do so. With adults, know that you can judge the size of a person by the size of the things that they allow to make them angry. Yes, we've all had initial feelings of hurt as the result of others' actions and words. But, when we take a moment to really look at the situation, all of us have the power to draw the line and refuse to accept another's hurt.
Remember that people say and do boneheaded things from time to time without thinking. People forget, lose their tempers, underachieve by our standards, break promises, cheat, lie and do other things that disappoint us. Make allowances for people's differences. Human beings make errors. Values amongst us are varied. If you keep your standards very high, you are subject to be more sensitive around people with low standards. If you have low standards, you will feel offended and slighted by those who have high standards. That said, the bottom line is this: when someone is hurting someone else, they are acting from a place of pain and hurt. Diminish the hurt to make room for enrichment. Instead of hurt people hurting people, you then have enriched people enriching people.
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Some tips on working with hospitalized children
This is an excellent article by Stephanie Innes of the Arizona Starnet:
advertisementThe adolescent boy is lying on his hospital bed with a wet towel over his eyes, which are burning from a recent chemotherapy treatment.
"Would you like me to bring you anything?" Allison Woods asks the boy, a leukemia patient at University Medical Center who has relapsed after a long remission and is scheduled to have a bone marrow transplant later in the week.
The boy shakes his head no, and sounds like he's crying.
Woods, remaining upbeat, suggests a stress ball.
"Yes," the boy says. "I'd like that."
Woods is what's called a "child life specialist," someone with whose aim is to make the hospital experience for children as pleasant as possible. Among other things, that means asking young patients what they want — whether it's honest information, a stress ball, or a reward for enduring "pokes" — hospital lingo for needles and other invasive medical procedures.
Increasingly, child life specialists are recognized by doctors, nurses and social workers as crucial members of pediatric medical teams. They operate on a philosophy of treating young patients and their siblings with respect and helping them gain a sense of control over what they are experiencing.
Reflecting a national trend, the number of child life specialists in Tucson has more than doubled in the last decade and both Tucson Medical Center and UMC — Tucson's two largest hospitals — plan to add more in the near future as they expand their services for children.
"The unknown is always petrifying, even for us as adults," said Jolene Eggert, TMC's child life manager. "I remember having my tonsils out and just screaming. My mom heard me screaming all the way up the elevator. She wasn't allowed to come with me."
It's different now. Parents and guardians are encouraged to stay with their children as much as possible, as long as the medical situation allows it. And the child life specialists prepare kids by reviewing what is going to happen to them.
While doctors and nurses often have to tell children what is happening to them, child life specialists are able to allow some choice, and in turn pass that information to the rest of the medical team. Is there an arm they prefer to use when having blood drawn? Is there a special toy they want to be there when they wake up from surgery? Do they want to know how the doctor will take their appendix out?
"A lot of control is taken from kids when they are in the hospital," said Woods, one of the six child life specialists at UMC. "This is something they can control. They guide the conversation, and they can refuse me, too."
Teddy bears with tonsils, anatomically correct dolls, visualization and books are all used to prepare kids for needles, ports, tracheotomies and anesthesia masks. Though they aren't invasive, masks in particular can be terrifying for a child who has never seen one and is lying helpless on an operating table.
The child life team invites children to play with medical equipment before they go into the operating room. One day last week, hospitalized children and their siblings at TMC used syringes to squeeze out paint and make art projects.
TMC has a coloring book about a turtle named Tomás who goes to the hospital and is shown under an X-ray and in the operating room. When there's a procedure that requires taking big, deep breaths, Eggert and her team work with kids beforehand by having them blow bubbles and pinwheels.
There are 3,400 active certified child life specialists worldwide — most of them in the U.S. — with most of the growth occurring in the past decade, the national Child Life Council says. The specialists must have a bachelor's degree, typically in psychology, family studies or a related field, complete nearly 500 hours of clinical internships and pass a national certification exam.
"Honesty was not the policy decades ago. Children didn't really have any voice. We big people thought we knew what was best and easiest and it was really what was best and easiest for us," said Linda Throne, director of nursing for women's and children's services at UMC.
"When I first came here 14 years ago, there was one certified child life specialist. There was another person put in that role long ago, before we really understood you need a certain level of education and national certification."
Often when a trauma patient comes in or a pediatric "frequent flier" returns, the doctor or nurse will be asked to "page child life." Medical personnel at UMC have found that when children feel calm and safe, they fare much better going through medical procedures.
"As our population grows, so will the number of child life specialists," Throne said. "They are an integral, respected part of the medical team and a very equal part of the team, too."
Ed Motzkin, whose son, 15-year-old William Motzkin, has had six surgeries at TMC in the past year, said his son often wants to go to the hospital and say hello to the staff, even when he isn't sick.
"He loves them. The child life staff actually develop a friendship with the kids," Motzkin said.
William said that when he missed school, Eggert and her staff coordinated with his teachers to make sure he could continue his studies in the hospital.
"They are really good supporters, and they are really nice," he said. "They would just be cheerful and would really make me laugh. Like if you are down, they have video games."
Both TMC and UMC have big yellow toy chests on wheels called Andrea's Closet. It's a program named for a young Phoenix girl named Andrea Brunk, who died of complications from leukemia in 2002. Andrea's Closet allows children to pick out toys when they have to endure the "pokes" of painful medical procedures.
At UMC, a Wii, televisions, Playstations and game chargers have been provided to the child life program by a local organization called the Kick Cancer for Stephen Foundation. It is named for Stephen Placencia, a Cienega High School student who died of cancer last year at age 17. His parents want to make sure that teens have age-appropriate activities in the hospital — something the child life specialists are working on, too.
"Stephen was a quiet, shier boy. He did appreciate what the child life people tried to do for him — they were always checking to see if we needed anything, if we didn't understand what was going on," Stephen's mother, Francie Placencia, said.
"It wasn't just Stephen — they always made sure our other three children were OK, and offered us resources in the community."
She noticed a difference when Stephen had a surgery in Pennsylvania, and there was no child life specialist offered to the family.
"There was not someone constantly checking, no game room, and no activities," she said. "It's always nice to know you have someone on your side."
Woods seems to instinctively know what her patients need.
She helps Sierra Johnson, a 3-year-old leukemia patient, cut up her sausage and eggs, plays a game of peek-a-boo that sends the toddler into fits of giggles, and then does a painting project with her. Sitting beside Sierra on the bed is a doll that, like Sierra, has a port in her chest with a tube attached to medicine.
At her next stop, she allows a 5-year-old girl with cancer to pick out some stamps from Andrea's Closet because the girl had "a lot of pokes" that day.
She holds the hand of a teen-aged boy with cerebral palsy and then attaches a colorful mobile to the edge of his bed.
After agreeing to getting a stress ball for the adolescent leukemia patient, she offers him several other activities, like movies. He declines. He wants to stay lying down, and his eyes hurt.
"How about a Bionicle, and maybe a GameCube for later?" she asks him.
"OK ... please," he replies.
Woods tries to make sure someone is there for him when his family isn't. He's being encouraged to walk to keep up his strength before the transplant.
"I'll come back later and we can either build the Bionicle or do walks if you are feeling better," Woods tells the boy.
"Yes," he replies. "I'll see you soon."
TMC team focuses on chronically ill children
Tucson Medical Center recently began a team approach to take better care of young patients who are chronically or terminally ill.
The new palliative care program is called Tucson Lifeline for Children — TLC — and is expected to accommodate 250 children per year eventually. So far, 52 have enrolled in the new program, which is headed by Dr. Gina Jansheski.
The children she sees have diseases like cerebral palsy, cystic fibrosis and spina bifida, and often have multiple other ailments, too. The program is part of a growing trend in health care, sometimes called the "medical home," where medical professionals from many disciplines come together to help patients as a coordinated team.
"It's like first-class service for our frequent fliers," Jansheski said. "I get paged when they come into the hospital and welcome them back. They are our special patients."
In addition to doctors and nurses, members of the TLC include child life specialists, dietitians, pediatric pain specialists, music therapists, Spanish-language interpreters, massage therapists and respiratory therapists.
Jansheski, who is director of TMC's pediatric palliative care and hospice, begins by spending about two hours with each patient's parent or guardian. She takes an inventory of the child's needs and the family's needs, too. The categories she covers include physical, spiritual, cultural, psychosocial, and advanced care directives.
Monday, July 27, 2009
How do YOU cope with Stress?
WAYS TO COPE WITH STRESS
Courtesy of the Tripler Army Medical Center, Honolulu, Hawaii
*Get up 15 minutes earlier
*Prepare for the morning the night before
*Avoid tight fitting clothes
*Avoid relying on chemical aids
*Set appointments ahead
*Don't rely on your memory ... write it down
*Practice preventive maintenance
*Make duplicate keys
*Say "no" more often
*Set priorities in your life
*Avoid negative people
*Use time wisely
*Simplify meal times
*Always make copies of important papers
*Anticipate your needs
*Repair anything that doesn't work properly
*Ask for help with the jobs you dislike
*Break large tasks into bite size portions
*Look at problems as challenges
*Look at challenges differently
*Unclutter your life
*Smile
*Be prepared for rain
Friday, July 17, 2009
Could you benefit from family therapy?
Attachment Disorders
Socio-economic status has nothing to do with the ability to establish successful attachment relationships. Children who have had a succession of nannies, or orphaned children who spend their early years in orphanages or move from foster home to foster home, are at risk for severe attachment disruption. It also can occur as a result of severe illness in the parent or the child, parental unavailability, or emotional trauma. Some children have inborn disabilities or temperaments that make it difficult for them to form a secure attachment, no matter how hard the parent tries. In any case, there generally are several factors involved. The major causes of attachment disorders are:
•neglect, including emotional neglect
•abuse, physical or sexual
•separation from primary caregiver
•changes in primary caregiver
•traumatic experiences such as death of parent or disaster
•maternal depression
•maternal use of drugs or alcohol
•undiagnosed, isolating painful illness such as colic or ear infections
Divorce
Separation and divorce can be devastating but there are things you can do to support and comfort your child. There are also things you may unwittingly do that can make coping with separation and divorce harder for your child --now and in future relationships.
Learn how to help your child cope with the negative short and long term effects of separation and divorce, as well as ways to help prevent trauma and decrease hardship. Challenges that are confronted effectively can improve relationships and strengthen your childs ability to cope.
When talking with your children about separation or divorce, it is important to be honest, but not critical of your spouse. Most children want to know why their lives are being upset. Depending on the age of your children and reason for divorce, this may require some diplomacy. As children mature, they will probably want more information.
Here are a few suggestions:
•Make plans to talk with your children before any changes in the living arrangements occur.
•Plan to talk when your spouse is present, if possible.
•Remind your children of your love.
•Be respectful of your spouse when giving the reasons for the separation.
•Tell them that your marriage problems are not their fault. Let them know they are not responsible for fixing them.
•Tell them about changes in living arrangements, school or activities. Let them know when they will happen. But do not overwhelm kids with details.
•Be emotionally available to comfort them. Even if there has been much conflict in the home, children may deeply experience the loss of the leaving parent, or the loss of hope for reconciliation.
Blended Families - Stepfamilies
Studies show that children of stepfamilies face a higher risk of emotional and behavioral problems. They also are less likely to be resilient in stressful situations. Although most parents are able to work out these difficulties within the family, they should consider a psychiatric evaluation for their child when he exhibits strong feelings of being:
•alone in dealing with his losses;
•torn between two parents or two households;
•excluded;
•isolated by feelings of guilt and anger;
•unsure about what is right;
•very uncomfortable with any member of his original family or stepfamily.
A psychiatric evaluation might be appropriate for both the child and the family when:
•the child directs his anger upon a particular family member or openly resents a stepparent or parent;
•one of the parents suffers from great stress and is unable to help with the childs increased need for attention;
•a stepparent or parent openly favors one of the children;
•discipline of a child is left to the parent rather than involving both the stepparent and parent;
•members of the family derive no pleasure from usually enjoyable activities such as learning, going to school, working, playing, or being with friends and family.
By devoting the necessary time to develop their own traditions and form caring relationships, stepfamilies can create emotionally rich and lasting bonds for each member. In the process, the children acquire the self-esteem and strength to enjoy the challenges that lie ahead.
source: http://www.drmarge.com/areas_of_focus/Family_Therapy.htm
Socio-economic status has nothing to do with the ability to establish successful attachment relationships. Children who have had a succession of nannies, or orphaned children who spend their early years in orphanages or move from foster home to foster home, are at risk for severe attachment disruption. It also can occur as a result of severe illness in the parent or the child, parental unavailability, or emotional trauma. Some children have inborn disabilities or temperaments that make it difficult for them to form a secure attachment, no matter how hard the parent tries. In any case, there generally are several factors involved. The major causes of attachment disorders are:
•neglect, including emotional neglect
•abuse, physical or sexual
•separation from primary caregiver
•changes in primary caregiver
•traumatic experiences such as death of parent or disaster
•maternal depression
•maternal use of drugs or alcohol
•undiagnosed, isolating painful illness such as colic or ear infections
Divorce
Separation and divorce can be devastating but there are things you can do to support and comfort your child. There are also things you may unwittingly do that can make coping with separation and divorce harder for your child --now and in future relationships.
Learn how to help your child cope with the negative short and long term effects of separation and divorce, as well as ways to help prevent trauma and decrease hardship. Challenges that are confronted effectively can improve relationships and strengthen your childs ability to cope.
When talking with your children about separation or divorce, it is important to be honest, but not critical of your spouse. Most children want to know why their lives are being upset. Depending on the age of your children and reason for divorce, this may require some diplomacy. As children mature, they will probably want more information.
Here are a few suggestions:
•Make plans to talk with your children before any changes in the living arrangements occur.
•Plan to talk when your spouse is present, if possible.
•Remind your children of your love.
•Be respectful of your spouse when giving the reasons for the separation.
•Tell them that your marriage problems are not their fault. Let them know they are not responsible for fixing them.
•Tell them about changes in living arrangements, school or activities. Let them know when they will happen. But do not overwhelm kids with details.
•Be emotionally available to comfort them. Even if there has been much conflict in the home, children may deeply experience the loss of the leaving parent, or the loss of hope for reconciliation.
Blended Families - Stepfamilies
Studies show that children of stepfamilies face a higher risk of emotional and behavioral problems. They also are less likely to be resilient in stressful situations. Although most parents are able to work out these difficulties within the family, they should consider a psychiatric evaluation for their child when he exhibits strong feelings of being:
•alone in dealing with his losses;
•torn between two parents or two households;
•excluded;
•isolated by feelings of guilt and anger;
•unsure about what is right;
•very uncomfortable with any member of his original family or stepfamily.
A psychiatric evaluation might be appropriate for both the child and the family when:
•the child directs his anger upon a particular family member or openly resents a stepparent or parent;
•one of the parents suffers from great stress and is unable to help with the childs increased need for attention;
•a stepparent or parent openly favors one of the children;
•discipline of a child is left to the parent rather than involving both the stepparent and parent;
•members of the family derive no pleasure from usually enjoyable activities such as learning, going to school, working, playing, or being with friends and family.
By devoting the necessary time to develop their own traditions and form caring relationships, stepfamilies can create emotionally rich and lasting bonds for each member. In the process, the children acquire the self-esteem and strength to enjoy the challenges that lie ahead.
source: http://www.drmarge.com/areas_of_focus/Family_Therapy.htm
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Could music make your life better?
I know that all of you know that I am also a musicologist and music healer. Tonight as I listened to "America's Got Talent" I was so touched by a woman who sang her heart out and the judges loved her. When asked how she felt after this outstanding performance, she said she felt as though it were the second miracle in her life. "What was the first?" Sharon asked her. The dear lady then revealed that she was a cancer survivor for the last five years! Then Piers Morgan asked her if she believes that singing contributed to her healing. She replied that there was no doubt about that. Piers said" your singing has healed not only YOU but also everyone that hears you!"
What music is healing to you? What music lifts you up and gives you strength and hope? Find that music and listen to it often! It's free!!
Monday, June 29, 2009
No More Excuses
Having a tough day? Feeling like your life is not what you were promised? Check out this video and see what this guy has done despite some really bad luck! Have a good day!
http://www.thegolfchannel.com/golf-videos/meet-butch-lumpkin-9477/?ref=26000
Alice
http://www.thegolfchannel.com/golf-videos/meet-butch-lumpkin-9477/?ref=26000
Alice
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Dealing with Mood Swings
Do you or someone you love have mood swings? Probably most humans have mood swings but it's how far you swing and how often your moods swing that determine whether or not it's worth considering therapy and/or medication. This is an excellent article I found on http://www.babyboomerarticles.com/. I hope this will be helpful to you!
Alice
Mood Swings: Dealing With The Unpredictable By: Harvey D. Ong
In one moderately publicized case in the US, a man filed for divorce, wishing to part ways with his wife, who had just given birth. The reasons for the divorce were summed up as “irreconcilable differences,” which tends to be legal jargon for “they got each other angry and neither one is mature enough to apologize.”
The divorce proceedings didn't get very far because it wasn't all that hard to dismiss, according to people who were aware of the confidential details of the case. As one of them anonymously commented, the whole thing really came down to the man being unable to deal with his pregnant wife's mood swings.
Among the multitude of things that people might find annoying or difficult to deal with while a woman is pregnant, the mood swings might be among the most complex. Simply defined, mood swings are those sudden changes in the emotional state of a person. These can happen for any number of reasons, with some people choosing to blame hormones and others finding fault in the woman's psychology.
In general, most physicians believe that the emotional changes that women undergo during pregnancy are caused by hormones. Pregnancy causes spikes in hormone levels that prevent fertilization when a woman is already pregnant. These same hormones also affect physical changes in the body, such as increased milk production in the breasts and preparing the pathways through which the baby will pass through during the birth process.
Hormones can also affect mental changes, making a woman happy and perky one minute, depressed and in despair the next.If the woman isn't pregnant, then there are still other possible reasons for them to have mood swings. Even men can have sudden changes in their mood and emotional state. Bipolar disorder is known to cause mood changes in the people that have them. These changes tend to be infrequent, but can occur very suddenly and without any sort of indication that they are going to happen.
Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) has also been known to cause someone's mood to suddenly and rapidly change, though this is not considered a common occurrence among those with ADHD. Other mood disorders, like depression and anxiety disorder can also bring about sudden changes in mood. It should be noted that mood swings are not necessarily a symptom of ADHD. Anything that can alter or tamper with the hormone levels of the body can result in sudden changes in a person's mood.
These include post-menstrual syndrome, menopause, and puberty.If the problem is hormonal, the best approach is to simply wait it out. Human bodies tend to even out their hormone levels after a while, returning to what can be considered a “default” state. Once the hormones have returned to their normal levels, then the person's mood should return to normal as well.
If the problem isn't hormonal, then it is usually best to find a therapist that one is comfortable with, to discuss the potential causes and the best treatments for it. It is better to seek professional help than let something like this do damage to one's personal relationships.
Article Source: http://babyboomerarticles.com
Alice
Mood Swings: Dealing With The Unpredictable By: Harvey D. Ong
In one moderately publicized case in the US, a man filed for divorce, wishing to part ways with his wife, who had just given birth. The reasons for the divorce were summed up as “irreconcilable differences,” which tends to be legal jargon for “they got each other angry and neither one is mature enough to apologize.”
The divorce proceedings didn't get very far because it wasn't all that hard to dismiss, according to people who were aware of the confidential details of the case. As one of them anonymously commented, the whole thing really came down to the man being unable to deal with his pregnant wife's mood swings.
Among the multitude of things that people might find annoying or difficult to deal with while a woman is pregnant, the mood swings might be among the most complex. Simply defined, mood swings are those sudden changes in the emotional state of a person. These can happen for any number of reasons, with some people choosing to blame hormones and others finding fault in the woman's psychology.
In general, most physicians believe that the emotional changes that women undergo during pregnancy are caused by hormones. Pregnancy causes spikes in hormone levels that prevent fertilization when a woman is already pregnant. These same hormones also affect physical changes in the body, such as increased milk production in the breasts and preparing the pathways through which the baby will pass through during the birth process.
Hormones can also affect mental changes, making a woman happy and perky one minute, depressed and in despair the next.If the woman isn't pregnant, then there are still other possible reasons for them to have mood swings. Even men can have sudden changes in their mood and emotional state. Bipolar disorder is known to cause mood changes in the people that have them. These changes tend to be infrequent, but can occur very suddenly and without any sort of indication that they are going to happen.
Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) has also been known to cause someone's mood to suddenly and rapidly change, though this is not considered a common occurrence among those with ADHD. Other mood disorders, like depression and anxiety disorder can also bring about sudden changes in mood. It should be noted that mood swings are not necessarily a symptom of ADHD. Anything that can alter or tamper with the hormone levels of the body can result in sudden changes in a person's mood.
These include post-menstrual syndrome, menopause, and puberty.If the problem is hormonal, the best approach is to simply wait it out. Human bodies tend to even out their hormone levels after a while, returning to what can be considered a “default” state. Once the hormones have returned to their normal levels, then the person's mood should return to normal as well.
If the problem isn't hormonal, then it is usually best to find a therapist that one is comfortable with, to discuss the potential causes and the best treatments for it. It is better to seek professional help than let something like this do damage to one's personal relationships.
Article Source: http://babyboomerarticles.com
Monday, June 8, 2009
12 Tips for Stress-Free Vacations
Hello Friends!
I had no idea it had been 3 weeks since I sent you a Crescent Hill Counseling blogpost! Time does fly, doesn't it?
I thought perhaps that since summer is upon us and people are vacationing whether at home or elsewhere, I'd send out this great article I found about "stress-free vacations!" Hope you'll find it helpful!
See you soon! Alice
Don't over-schedule. Think back to your last vacation—did you overextend yourself or visit so many attractions that you ended up not liking some of them? Resist succumbing to the fear that you may never return and so must see everything a destination has to offer, and instead focus on those activities and attractions that truly appeal to you. Take it easy—this is your time off.
Vary your activities from day to day. Visiting large art museums back-to-back can be taxing for even the most ardent culture vulture, just as shopping for six straight hours can wear out inveterate browsers. If you're someone who simply must pack a lot into every day of your trip, try to mix and match your activities. Spend a morning at a museum, and follow with a light hike or garden tour in the afternoon. Save a second museum for a different day, when you might also take a bus or boat tour.
Reconfirm hours and admission. No matter how much you trust your guidebook, or how recently you've checked an attraction's Web page, call the day of your visit to make sure the place is open. Some museums open or close late or early at a whim, or may close unexpectedly because of a staff shortage, a local holiday you're not aware of, a change in the budget, or for renovations.
Plan for inclement weather. There's no reason that a rainy day should put a damper on your vacation. Consider the climate where you're headed, and then plan realistically for the possibility that you'll have some rain—perhaps this will be when you go shopping or to a museum? If there's even a slight chance of an afternoon shower, carry along a lightweight, collapsible umbrella. If you're traveling with children, bring along games you can play, rent a video in your hotel room, or make a list of indoor attractions that you can enjoy regardless of wet weather.
Carry a bit of change in local currency with you. You might find that little unexpected payments are required in order to gain admission to sights, like public parks, or in order to use illumination devices in churches (timed lights on certain parts of the interior or artwork).
Pack light. Bring along just one bag, fill it with only a day's worth of necessities—guidebook, maps, cell phone, bottled water, IDs, sunscreen, portable umbrella, etc.—and take turns carrying it. There's no reason for everyone in the group to haul around a separate bag.
Don't forget your cell phone or phone card. Carry your phone with you, even if you don't plan to use it. Turn it off and use it only when you want or need to, but do keep it close at hand. It can be a lifesaver when you're trying to confirm a museum's hours, directions, or admission; need to make or change a dinner reservation for later in the day; or if you become lost or disoriented. If your cell phone doesn't work where you're going, you can rent one or get a prepaid phone card to make calls home.
Write down your hotel name and address on a slip of paper. In places where you don't speak the language, jot down the name, address, and phone number of your hotel on several pieces of paper, along with the same information for any restaurants, attractions, or other sites you're planning to visit, and present these to cab or bus drivers as you travel. Be sure, if appropriate, to write this information in both the local alphabet and your own.
Find out when museums offer free admission. Many large museums offer free or "pay-as-you-wish" admission one or two days per week, often for just part of the day (the first couple of hours in the morning, or a few hours late in the evening). Thursday and Friday evenings are common for this practice, but exact days can vary greatly—you might be able to plan your museum visits to get into several places free. Keep in mind, however, that most museums are nonprofit. If you are in a financial position to make a donation, it's always appreciated.
Plan a late-night museum jaunt. Quite a few major museums extend their usual opening times by two or three hours one night a week. This can be a great time to visit a museum, perhaps combining your tour with dinner afterward at a nearby restaurant. Sometimes museums offer special evening programs, such as lectures, wine-and-cheese socials, exhibit openings, or films.
With a group? Consider a theme park. Most parks have been planned specifically to appeal to a broad range of interests, so apart from wild rides there are gentle ones that please young children, older travelers, and more sedate types. Plus, many attractions in many theme parks are completely accessible to people who use wheelchairs or who have other disabilities.
Go with theme-park discounts. Local tourism boards almost always have coupons for the big theme parks—and many people are eligible for corporate deals through their company, school, or credit-card company. If you go after 4 PM, many parks charge almost half price; if you go in the offseason, your discounts will be even better. Check around for deals before you fork over your money.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Through the Eyes of a Child--refreshing!!
1st grade school teacher had twenty-six students in her class. She presented each child in her classroom the 1st half of a well-known proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. It's hard to believe these were actually done by first graders. Their insight may surprise you. While reading, keep in mind that these are first-graders, 6-year-olds, because the last one is a classic!
1.
Don't change horses...
until they stop running.
2.
Strike while the...
bug is close.
3.
It's always darkest before...
Daylight Saving Time.
4.
Never underestimate the power of...
termites.
5.
You can lead a horse to water but...
How?
6.
Don't bite the hand that...
looks dirty.
7.
No news is...
impossible
8.
A miss is as good as a...
Mr.
9.
You can't teach an old dog new...
Math
10.
If you lie down with dogs... you'll stink
in the morning.
11.
Love all, trust...
Me.
12..
The pen is mightier than the...
pigs.
13.
An idle mind is...
the best way to relax.
14.
Where there's smoke there's...
pollution..
15.
Happy the bride who...
gets all the presents.
16.
A penny saved is...
not much.
17.
Two's company, three's...
the Musketeers.
18.
Don't put off till tomorrow what...
you put on to go to bed.
19.
Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and...
You have to blow your nose.
20.
There are none so blind as...
Stevie Wonder.
21.
Children should be seen and not...
spanked or grounded.
22.
If at first you don't succeed...
get new batteries.
23.
You get out of something only what you...
See in the picture on the box
24.
When the blind lead the blind...
get out of the way.
25.
A bird in the hand...
is going to poop on you.
And the WINNER and last one!
26.
Better late than...
Pregnant
1.
Don't change horses...
until they stop running.
2.
Strike while the...
bug is close.
3.
It's always darkest before...
Daylight Saving Time.
4.
Never underestimate the power of...
termites.
5.
You can lead a horse to water but...
How?
6.
Don't bite the hand that...
looks dirty.
7.
No news is...
impossible
8.
A miss is as good as a...
Mr.
9.
You can't teach an old dog new...
Math
10.
If you lie down with dogs... you'll stink
in the morning.
11.
Love all, trust...
Me.
12..
The pen is mightier than the...
pigs.
13.
An idle mind is...
the best way to relax.
14.
Where there's smoke there's...
pollution..
15.
Happy the bride who...
gets all the presents.
16.
A penny saved is...
not much.
17.
Two's company, three's...
the Musketeers.
18.
Don't put off till tomorrow what...
you put on to go to bed.
19.
Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and...
You have to blow your nose.
20.
There are none so blind as...
Stevie Wonder.
21.
Children should be seen and not...
spanked or grounded.
22.
If at first you don't succeed...
get new batteries.
23.
You get out of something only what you...
See in the picture on the box
24.
When the blind lead the blind...
get out of the way.
25.
A bird in the hand...
is going to poop on you.
And the WINNER and last one!
26.
Better late than...
Pregnant
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Mother's Day Feelings
Today is Mother's Day and many people will joyfully celebrate with their mother's or will lovingly and gratefully remember their mothers. But what about all the people who are angry with their mothers and unhappy and resentful about the way their mothers treated them or didn't treat them? One of the most difficult life lessons is accepting the things we cannot change, changing the things we can and having the wisdom to know the difference.
If you did not get along with your mother and have angry bitter feelings still, what can you do? Some of the things that people learn in therapy is that most parents tend to parent in the same way that they were parented. When people come into my office with painful mother-child relationships, I often ask them what they know about their own mother's childhood. Invariably it was abusive, neglectful and pretty awful too. Now of course, two wrongs don't make a right, right? But when humans have terrible childhoods and parenting, unless they get a lot of help themselves, many of these patterns are likely to be repeated.
Healing painful relationships with parents can be a lifelong task but things CAN get better. Forgiveness is done for the one feeling the pain. It helps you and does not "let the offender off the hook."
If you are having some feelings of pain around this, please let me know and we can talk about it this week! Happy Mother's Day to you!
If you did not get along with your mother and have angry bitter feelings still, what can you do? Some of the things that people learn in therapy is that most parents tend to parent in the same way that they were parented. When people come into my office with painful mother-child relationships, I often ask them what they know about their own mother's childhood. Invariably it was abusive, neglectful and pretty awful too. Now of course, two wrongs don't make a right, right? But when humans have terrible childhoods and parenting, unless they get a lot of help themselves, many of these patterns are likely to be repeated.
Healing painful relationships with parents can be a lifelong task but things CAN get better. Forgiveness is done for the one feeling the pain. It helps you and does not "let the offender off the hook."
If you are having some feelings of pain around this, please let me know and we can talk about it this week! Happy Mother's Day to you!
Monday, May 4, 2009
"Mine that Bird: the ultimate Underdog!"
If you were looking for a real emotional picker-upper last Saturday, I sure hope you saw the Derby!!! Not only did Calvin Borel come from dead last to win the Derby by multiple lengths, the horse "Mine that Bird" was a 50-1 longshot! Most people were still bemoaning the fact that "I Want Revenge" was scratched the morning of the race because he was widely predicted to win. The weather was worse than "iffy" and the track was muddy with water actually standing on it so that the horses and jockeys had to slog through it to get their mounts.
Whereas most of the horses were flown to the Derby (and some came from other countries and continents) "Mine That Bird" was driven to the Derby from New Mexico in a 21-hour drive that got her there just shortly before the Derby! Calvin Borel said he wan't thrilled with this horse, but he was supposed to have ridden "I Want Revenge" and this was the only horse he could get! Wow!
To me, the message is...never give up, never say never, and expect the unexpected!!! You never know what the Universe has in store for you and if you just hang in there and do the next right thing, you can do amazing and wonderful things! Have a great week!
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
What do you know about positive thinking CD's?
Positive thinking CDs can be classified into three types:
1) Self-Hypnosis - A positive thinking CD of this type repeats a certain message to the listener over and over again and urges him/her to follow as well. It gets across the message to the persons subconscious in an unapparent way, resulting in the individuals’ change of beliefs about his/her abilities. Such positive thinking CDs can be further classified into two types:
a) Conscious - This type of positive thinking CD is played back to the individual while he/she is awake. It normally has several oral exercises for the person to indulge in and gain from significantly.
b) Subconscious - As evident by the name, such positive thinking CDs are meant to influence the person’s outlook by reaching his/her subconscious mind directly. They are normally used while the person is asleep.
2) Therapeutic - It is common knowledge that music has phenomenal healing powers. It is a medium that can effectively be used to alter any type of behavioral pattern that a person may be suffering from. There are positive thinking CDs available that have effectively harnessed this power of music and presented it in a manner that directly affects and changes a persons emotional state. Such positive thinking CDs normally either have inspirational background music or have songs that contain positive messages for the listener.
3) Audio Books - With the changing lifestyles and living patterns, people nowadays aren’t left with much time to catch up on their reading habits, leave alone indulging in self-introspection to change one’s outlook.
This type of positive thinking CDs are directly targeted at such upwardly mobile people who can listen to many self-help books that are available in this format. They can either be played back on the CD player on the car while driving or can even be transferred onto your IPODs for better mobility. With the help of such positive thinking CDs, it has become very easy for people to understand their weaknesses and work on them in an effective manner
1) Self-Hypnosis - A positive thinking CD of this type repeats a certain message to the listener over and over again and urges him/her to follow as well. It gets across the message to the persons subconscious in an unapparent way, resulting in the individuals’ change of beliefs about his/her abilities. Such positive thinking CDs can be further classified into two types:
a) Conscious - This type of positive thinking CD is played back to the individual while he/she is awake. It normally has several oral exercises for the person to indulge in and gain from significantly.
b) Subconscious - As evident by the name, such positive thinking CDs are meant to influence the person’s outlook by reaching his/her subconscious mind directly. They are normally used while the person is asleep.
2) Therapeutic - It is common knowledge that music has phenomenal healing powers. It is a medium that can effectively be used to alter any type of behavioral pattern that a person may be suffering from. There are positive thinking CDs available that have effectively harnessed this power of music and presented it in a manner that directly affects and changes a persons emotional state. Such positive thinking CDs normally either have inspirational background music or have songs that contain positive messages for the listener.
3) Audio Books - With the changing lifestyles and living patterns, people nowadays aren’t left with much time to catch up on their reading habits, leave alone indulging in self-introspection to change one’s outlook.
This type of positive thinking CDs are directly targeted at such upwardly mobile people who can listen to many self-help books that are available in this format. They can either be played back on the CD player on the car while driving or can even be transferred onto your IPODs for better mobility. With the help of such positive thinking CDs, it has become very easy for people to understand their weaknesses and work on them in an effective manner
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Derby Week and Addictions
Let's see, how many addictions can get triggered during Derby Week?? Well, the two that come to mind quickest are gambling and alcoholism. Those two are definitely "givens." Derby week is all about horse racing and "winning big." It can, of course, also be about losing big, loosing your shirt, and blowing lots of money you don't really have. Maybe I'm just down on gambling but it has also been a very scary proposition to me, especially if you have an addictive personality and like the idea of "instant wealth" with out good old-fashioned work. Of course it appeals to people. When advertisers come up with phrases like "somebody's got to win, why not you?" it's bound to suck lots of people in. In preparation for Derby Week, I thought you might like to see some of the signs and symptoms of problem gambling...just in case you're looking forward to it too much:
Myths & Facts about Gambling Addiction and Problem Gambling
MYTH: You have to gamble everyday to be a problem gambler.
FACT: A problem gambler may gamble frequently or infrequently. Gambling is a problem if it causes problems.
FACT: A problem gambler may gamble frequently or infrequently. Gambling is a problem if it causes problems.
MYTH: Problem gambling is not really a problem if the gambler can afford it.FACT: Problems caused by excessive gambling are not just financial. Too much time spent on gambling can lead to relationship breakdown and loss of important friendships.
MYTH: Partners of problem gamblers often drive problem gamblers to gamble.FACT: Problem gamblers often rationalize their behavior. Blaming others is one way to avoid taking responsibility for their actions, including what is needed to overcome the problem.
MYTH: If a problem gambler builds up a debt, you should help them take care of it.FACT: Quick fix solutions may appear to be the right thing to do. However, bailing the gambler out of debt may actually make matters worse by enabling gambling problems to continue.
Adapted from: Chris Lobsinger's Problem Gambling
Each day this week, I will focus on a different addiction that could be triggered this week just in case you know that you're prone to addictions! Let me know if you want to talk about this during your session.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
How's YOUR inner child doing today?
Did you know that you have an "inner child?" It's the part of you that still feels and thinks like you did when you were actually a child. As it turns out, that part of us is often bigger than the adult part of us and can cause a lot of problems because children don't have all the facts and make conclusion and decision that are based on partial information and through a child's eyes.
Inner child work is in one way detective work. We have a mystery to solve.Why have I been attracted to the the type of people that I have been in relationship with in my life?Why do I react in certain ways in certain situations? Where did my behavior patterns come from?Why do I sometimes feel so: helpless; lonely; desperate; scared; angry; self-destructive; etc."
It is very important to start awakening to the Truth that there is nothing inherently wrong with our being - it is our relationship with our self and with life that is dysfunctional. And that relationship was formed in early childhood.That is the purpose of inner child healing - to stop letting our experiences of the past dictate how we respond to life today. It cannot be done without revisiting our childhood. We need to become aware, to raise our consciousness. To create a new level of consciousness for ourselves that allows us to observe ourselves.It is vital to start learning how to not give power to that critical shaming voice. We need to start observing ourselves with compassion. This is almost impossible at the beginning of the inner child healing process - having compassion for our self, being Loving to our self, is the hardest thing for us to do. (to be continued)
Inner child work is in one way detective work. We have a mystery to solve.Why have I been attracted to the the type of people that I have been in relationship with in my life?Why do I react in certain ways in certain situations? Where did my behavior patterns come from?Why do I sometimes feel so: helpless; lonely; desperate; scared; angry; self-destructive; etc."
It is very important to start awakening to the Truth that there is nothing inherently wrong with our being - it is our relationship with our self and with life that is dysfunctional. And that relationship was formed in early childhood.That is the purpose of inner child healing - to stop letting our experiences of the past dictate how we respond to life today. It cannot be done without revisiting our childhood. We need to become aware, to raise our consciousness. To create a new level of consciousness for ourselves that allows us to observe ourselves.It is vital to start learning how to not give power to that critical shaming voice. We need to start observing ourselves with compassion. This is almost impossible at the beginning of the inner child healing process - having compassion for our self, being Loving to our self, is the hardest thing for us to do. (to be continued)
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Happy St. Patrick's Day from Crescent Hill Counseling
I wish you the luck of the Irish today and offer the ancient Irish Blessing to you!
May the road rise to meet you,May the wind be always at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face,The rains fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again,May God hold you in the palm of his hand.
May God be with you and bless you: May you see your children's children.
May you be poor in misfortune,Rich in blessings.
May you know nothing but happinessFrom this day forward.
May the road rise up to meet youMay the wind be always at your back
May the warm rays of sun fall upon your home
And may the hand of a friend always be near.
May green be the grass you walk on,
May blue be the skies above you,
May pure be the joys that surround you,
May true be the hearts that love you.
May the road rise to meet you,May the wind be always at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face,The rains fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again,May God hold you in the palm of his hand.
May God be with you and bless you: May you see your children's children.
May you be poor in misfortune,Rich in blessings.
May you know nothing but happinessFrom this day forward.
May the road rise up to meet youMay the wind be always at your back
May the warm rays of sun fall upon your home
And may the hand of a friend always be near.
May green be the grass you walk on,
May blue be the skies above you,
May pure be the joys that surround you,
May true be the hearts that love you.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Singing and happiness: what's the connection?
Singing and happiness: what's the connection?
In her blog post today, Marci Shimhoff writes about the power of singing as a path to happiness! Marci says "For the first time in history, we know that happiness isn’t an abstract emotion; it’s a physiological state that can be measured" As a clinical musicologist and speaker, people ask me all the time if it's more healing to sing or play an instrument or listen to favorite music on CD or iPod. The answer is SING!! That is the natural, God-given musical instrument and the one that stirs vibration and healing in our bodies. We also tend to sing the music that we love most and that is therefore uniquely healing to our bodies! I could go on and on, but I won't. Just don't forget to sing a little every day. Sing in the shower or the car or while you're walking the dog. Even humming or whistling can be powerful!
In her blog post today, Marci Shimhoff writes about the power of singing as a path to happiness! Marci says "For the first time in history, we know that happiness isn’t an abstract emotion; it’s a physiological state that can be measured" As a clinical musicologist and speaker, people ask me all the time if it's more healing to sing or play an instrument or listen to favorite music on CD or iPod. The answer is SING!! That is the natural, God-given musical instrument and the one that stirs vibration and healing in our bodies. We also tend to sing the music that we love most and that is therefore uniquely healing to our bodies! I could go on and on, but I won't. Just don't forget to sing a little every day. Sing in the shower or the car or while you're walking the dog. Even humming or whistling can be powerful!
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Unwanted negative feelings
If your days seem filled with unwanted negative feelings, there is only one cure. When they come, choose them. Don't ask why, don't wonder how, don't fight them and never put yourself down for having them.
But most of all never blame someone else for how you feel.
If you do, it means you are still fast asleep and your choice is to be a victim.
When the feelings come, even big disturbing emotional feelings say, "I choose this feeling" and know it comes because of something you have thought or done in the past, perhaps a certain belief that you have learned or an attachment that is threatened.
Choice does not mean you want the feelings, but it does mean you are taking responsibility for them. And that is the beginning of self mastery. It is the first step to the healing and resolving of your emotions.
But only the first step.
Try this today and then ask yourself what the next step might be.
If you are really interested to know, you will come to know!
************************************************************************************ESPAVO..............
Acceptance is the secret of contentment. Appreciation is the secret of happiness
thanks to my friend Sandi Lee for this.
But most of all never blame someone else for how you feel.
If you do, it means you are still fast asleep and your choice is to be a victim.
When the feelings come, even big disturbing emotional feelings say, "I choose this feeling" and know it comes because of something you have thought or done in the past, perhaps a certain belief that you have learned or an attachment that is threatened.
Choice does not mean you want the feelings, but it does mean you are taking responsibility for them. And that is the beginning of self mastery. It is the first step to the healing and resolving of your emotions.
But only the first step.
Try this today and then ask yourself what the next step might be.
If you are really interested to know, you will come to know!
************************************************************************************ESPAVO..............
Acceptance is the secret of contentment. Appreciation is the secret of happiness
thanks to my friend Sandi Lee for this.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Learning to "fight fair"
Do you have conflict with your partner or spouse? Well, I'm sure that you know it's not unusual if you're a real human being! But there are effective ways to disagree and there are painful, humiliating ways. Which would you prefer? Are you willing to learn and practice some "fair fighting techniques?" OK, let's get started!
Sunday, February 15, 2009
The Bible on One Page
This is an amazing labor of love that someone has gone to a lot of trouble to create. Check it out and realize that there are lots of good people out there working hard to make the world a better place!
Have a good Sunday!
Alice Bible on One Page
Have a good Sunday!
Alice Bible on One Page
Monday, February 2, 2009
Ten Important Insights for Inner Peace
The greatest goal you can set this year is to make peace with your life, no matter your circumstances.
These 10 powerful insights from Eckhart Tolle will get you started.
- Don't seek happiness. If you seek it, you won't find it, because seeking is the antithesis of happiness. Happiness is ever elusive, but freedom from unhappiness is attainable now, by facing what is rather than making up stories about it.
- The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but your thoughts about it. Be aware of the thoughts you are thinking. Separate them from the situation, which is always neutral, which always is as it is. There is the situation or the fact, and here are my thoughts about it. Instead of making up stories, stay with the facts. For example, "I am ruined" is a story. It limits you and prevents you from taking effective action. "I have 50 cents left in my bank account" is a fact. Facing facts is always empowering.
- See if you can catch the voice in your head, perhaps in the very moment it complains about something, and recognize it for what it is: the voice of the ego, no more than a thought. Whenever you notice that voice, you will also realize that you are not the voice, but the one who is aware of it. In fact, you are the awareness that is aware of the voice. In the background, there is the awareness. In the foreground, there is the voice, the thinker. In this way you are becoming free of the ego, free of the unobserved mind.
- Wherever you look, there is plenty of circumstantial evidence for the reality of time—a rotting apple, your face in the bathroom mirror compared with your face in a photo taken 30 years ago—yet you never find any direct evidence, you never experience time itself. You only ever experience the present moment.
- Why do anxiety, stress, or negativity arise? Because you turned away from the present moment. And why did you do that? You thought something else was more important. One small error, one misperception, creates a world of suffering.
- People believe themselves to be dependent on what happens for their happiness. They don't realize that what happens is the most unstable thing in the universe. It changes constantly. They look upon the present moment as either marred by something that has happened and shouldn't have or as deficient because of something that has not happened but should have. And so they miss the deeper perfection that is inherent in life itself, a perfection that lies beyond what is happening or not happening. Accept the present moment and find the perfection that is untouched by time.
- The more shared past there is in a relationship, the more present you need to be; otherwise, you will be forced to relive the past again and again.
- Equating the physical body with "I," the body that is destined to grow old, wither, and die, always leads to suffering. To refrain from identifying with the body doesn't mean that you no longer care for it. If it is strong, beautiful, or vigorous, you can appreciate those attributes—while they last. You can also improve the body's condition through nutrition and exercise. If you don't equate the body with who you are, when beauty fades, vigor diminishes, or the body becomes incapacitated, this will not affect your sense of worth or identity in any way. In fact, as the body begins to weaken, the light of consciousness can shine more easily.
- You do not become good by trying to be good, but by finding the goodness that is already within you and allowing that goodness to emerge.
- If peace is really what you want, then you will choose peace.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
