Steps to Changing Bad Habits

"Habit is habit and not to be flung out of the window by any man but coaxed downstairs a step at a time." - Mark Twain"

Ill habits gather by unseen degrees, as brooks make rivers, rivers run to seas." - John Dryden

Laura Barwegen, in an article in Discipleship Journal, tells of routinely watching "Jeopardy!" and eating a bowl of Raisin Bran after coming home from work. Now, 15 years later, she still gets hungry for a bowl of Raisin Bran whenever she hears the theme music to "Jeopardy!". Habits are necessary to get us through the normal day.

When I get up in the morning and head for the bathroom, I am pretty much on automatic - my habits are definitely in control. Everything has a prescribed order and woe be it if I deviate. I even have a particular pattern for shaving. Any other pattern takes longer - I have to think.

The wrong kind of habits can be a real problem, however. Some habits probably are better classified as addictions, and we may need outside help to break them. Smoking, drug abuse and pornography fit into this category. Other bad habits are simply a result of our own choices and/or failure to stop undesirable actions. When we get home from work, our habit may be to read the newspaper or turn on the TV. But today, our spouse or child may need to talk. Can we break from our habit without getting visibly upset?

We may also have the "habit" of failing to consider our spouse's needs for entertainment and recreation. Can we force ourselves to schedule times doing what they like? For example, establish a date night once a week or even once a month. Turn off the football game and play a board game with your wife.

As an aside, breaking out of old habits may be good for you in other ways. Studies show that unless we continue to learn, our brains literally begin to atrophy, which may contribute to dementia, Alzheimer's and other brain diseases. Continuously stretching ourselves will even help us lose weight, according to one study.

So what can we do to break bad habits? Barwegen suggests a few simple steps for us to consider.

First of all, be aware of how that habit got started. You started doing something on a frequent and regular basis, thus programming your brain to operate in a certain way without thinking. Deviation from that programmed path now becomes uncomfortable.You have to consciously choose to turn off the TV or to plan events on a regular basis with your spouse. At first this will be uncomfortable, but keep at it.

This leads us to Barwegen's second simple suggestion: Keep practicing.To quote Barwegen, as we practice desirable behaviors and thought patterns, taking small, incremental steps "may feel awkward at first, but as we repeat them, they'll take over more brain real estate and will eventually become unconscious habits."

Finally, as we begin to change old habits and establish new and more desirable habits, reward that success. Give yourself a verbal pat on the back. Talk about what you are doing with others. Hopefully they have noticed and are also giving you positive feedback. One of the main reasons for establishing habits is our fear of failure or conversely our desire to be comfortable. We find something that works or at least keeps us out of trouble, and we cement that in as a desirable behavior.Consider once again turning off the TV or planning events. TV has a way of enabling us to turn off our brains; it's almost like an anesthesia - it deadens us to work problems and home noises. Planning events sets us up for rejection or failure as we try something different.Healthy relationships are all about building mutually beneficial thought patterns and behaviors. It's worth it!