Stressed out? Take a deeeeeeep breath....ahhhhhhh!

Breathing techniques are one of the most important aspects of any Yoga program. Breathing techniques find their application in almost all types of exercises and techniques that people use for their physical well-being. Breathing techniques provide great relief from stress and energy depletion, which is quite common in today's scenario of unhealthy competition and strife. Breathing techniques have been linked to ease out many medical problems, helping in mental calm, and also in spiritual practices that one undertakes.

It has been estimated that we breathe more than 17,000 times a day, but most of the times, we do it unconsciously. We are not aware about the time we should take to exhale or inhale. We also do not know the flow of air that we need to take: whether we should take deeper breaths or short ones. However, proper guidance about breathing techniques can work well for physical needs. It is said that short and speedy breath is the cause of fatigue, anxiety, and a loss of carbon dioxide that leads to the constricting of arteries and blood vessels. It is well observed that this type of breath involves the movements of chest muscles only; however, breathing techniques that involve deeper breaths incorporate use of belly to inhale and exhale. It goes without saying that deeper breaths are better than the short ones.
Learning to take a deep breath
It is quite easy to learn breathing techniques involving the use of belly. Below are some points that can illustrate these breathing techniques in a better way:
•Breathing techniques often involve deep breaths; however, to attain that breath, you need to empty out your belly from all the air. So, we start from the point of emptying the belly of total air. Once it is free of all the air, when you will inhale, you will automatically have deeper breaths.
•It is very important to note that you need to inhale through your nose and not mouth. If you have a tendency to inhale through your mouth, you probably will not get the results of these breathing techniques.

•Make it a regular practice to breathe deep. You can start by lying down, and can also choose some cool place where you have access to fresh air: morning time is the best one when you are practicing these breathing techniques

•If you have some occupation that are too much stressing and demanding in their work, these breathing techniques can work wonders for you. You can practice deep breathing in the evening also, and anywhere. It is just a matter of being knowledgeable and habitual to it.

Breathing techniques have their application in spiritual practices also. If you practice meditation and Yoga, you will need to adopt these breathing techniques anyhow, as almost all the Yoga practices start from breathing techniques. The control over your breath opens the gate of further controls that you need to achieve to be successful in meditation.

Life's Rules for 2011 and Beyond

I don't know who collected all of these great things, but I wanted to share them.  I believe that these are very wise ideas and they were sent to me by my friend in Maryland, Rev. Sandi.  Enjoy!
Health:

1. Drink plenty of water.

2. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.

3. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants..

4. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm and Empathy



5. Make time to prayer and meditation

6. Play more games



7. Read more books than you did in 2010

8. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day

9. Sleep for at least 7 hours.

10. Take a 10-30 minutes walk daily. And while you walk, smile.



Personality:

11. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

12. Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.

13. Don't over do. Keep your limits.

14. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

15. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip.

16. Dream more while you are awake.

17. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

18. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your friend or partner with His/Her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.

19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.

20. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.

21. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

22. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.

23. Smile and laugh more.

24. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree....



Society:

25. Call your family often.

26. Each day give something good to others.

27. Forgive everyone for everything.

28. Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.

29. Try to make at least three people smile each day.

30. What other people think of you is none of your business.

31. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.



Life:

32. Do the right thing!

33. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

34. GOD heals everything.

35. However good or bad a situation is, it will change..

36. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

37. The best is yet to come.

38. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it.

39. Your Inner most is always happy. So, be happy.



And, Most Importantly:









40. Everyday, say I LOVE YOU to those that give your life meaning.

The 90/10 priniciple...a powerful lesson!

This is one of the best slideshows I've seen lately.  It really makes a powerful case for the interconnectedness of our behaviors and how our lives go.  It is very hard to isolate incidents and believe that they don't affect everything else.  Life is a giant interconnected web and our thoughts, actions, and beliefs powerfully affect each other.  Today, choose positive, loving and forgiving thoughts and behaviors.  You'll be contributing to a better world!Alice90 10 Principle Presentation

View more presentations from Faisal Khan.

10 Life Lessons You Should Unlearn

Dear Friends and Clients of Crescent Hill Counseling,

In the past 20 years, I've realized that our culture is rife with ideas that actually inhibit joy. Here are some of the things I'm most grateful to have unlearned:  (by Martha Beck)



1. Problems are bad. You spent your school years solving arbitrary problems imposed by boring authority figures. You learned that problems—comment se dit?—suck. But people without real problems go mad and invent things like base jumping and wedding planning. Real problems are wonderful, each carrying the seeds of its own solution. Job burnout? It's steering you toward your perfect career. An awful relationship? It's teaching you what love means. Confusing tax forms? They're suggesting you hire an accountant, so you can focus on more interesting tasks, such as flossing. Finding the solution to each problem is what gives life its gusto.


2. It's important to stay happy. Solving a knotty problem can help us be happy, but we don't have to be happy to feel good. If that sounds crazy, try this: Focus on something that makes you miserable. Then think, "I must stay happy!" Stressful, isn't it? Now say, "It's okay to be as sad as I need to be." This kind of permission to feel as we feel—not continuous happiness—is the foundation of well-being.


3. I'm irreparably damaged by my past. Painful events leave scars, true, but it turns out they're largely erasable. Jill Bolte Taylor, the neuroanatomist who had a stroke that obliterated her memory, described the event as losing "37 years of emotional baggage." Taylor rebuilt her own brain, minus the drama. Now it appears we can all effect a similar shift, without having to endure a brain hemorrhage. The very thing you're doing at this moment—questioning habitual thoughts—is enough to begin off-loading old patterns. For example, take an issue that's been worrying you ("I've got to work harder!") and think of three reasons that belief may be wrong. Your brain will begin to let it go. Taylor found this thought-loss euphoric. You will, too.


4. Working hard leads to success. Baby mammals, including humans, learn by playing, which is why "the battle of Waterloo was won on the playing fields of Eton." Boys who'd spent years strategizing for fun gained instinctive skills to handle real-world situations. So play as you did in childhood, with all-out absorption. Watch for ways your childhood playing skills can solve a problem (see #1). Play, not work, is the key to success. While we're on the subject...

5. Success is the opposite of failure. Fact: From quitting smoking to skiing, we succeed to the degree we try, fail, and learn. Studies show that people who worry about mistakes shut down, but those who are relaxed about doing badly soon learn to do well. Success is built on failure.

"If all my wishes came true, right now, life would be perfect"

6. It matters what people think of me. "But if I fail," you may protest, "people will think badly of me!" This dreaded fate causes despair, suicide, homicide. I realized this when I read blatant lies about myself on the Internet. When I bewailed this to a friend, she said, "Wow, you have some painful fantasies about other people's fantasies about you." Yup, my anguish came from my hypothesis that other people's hypothetical hypotheses about me mattered. Ridiculous! Right now, imagine what you'd do if it absolutely didn't matter what people thought of you. Got it? Good. Never go back.

7. We should think rationally about our decisions. Your rational capacities are far newer and more error-prone than your deeper, "animal" brain. Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal. Consider a choice you have to make—anything from which movie to see to which house to buy. Instead of weighing pros and cons intellectually, notice your physical response to each option. Pay attention to when your body tenses or relaxes. And speaking of bodies...

8. The pretty girls (handsome men) get all the good stuff. Oh, God. So not true. I unlearned this after years of coaching beautiful clients. Yes, these lovelies get preferential treatment in most life scenarios, but there's a catch: While everyone's looking at them, virtually no one sees them. Almost every gorgeous client had a husband who'd married her breasts and jawline without ever noticing her soul.

9. If all my wishes came true right now, life would be perfect. Check it out: People who have what you want are all over rehab clinics, divorce courts, and jails. That's because good fortune has side effects, just like medications advertised on TV. Basically, any external thing we depend on to make us feel good has the power to make us feel bad. Weirdly, when you've stopped depending on tangible rewards, they often materialize. To attract something you want, become as joyful as you think that thing would make you. The joy, not the thing, is the point.



10. Loss is terrible. Ten years ago I still feared loss enough to abandon myself in order to keep things stable. I'd smile when I was sad, pretend to like people who appalled me. What I now know is that losses aren't cataclysmic if they teach the heart and soul their natural cycle of breaking and healing. A real tragedy? That's the loss of the heart and soul themselves. If you've abandoned yourself in the effort to keep anyone or anything else, unlearn that pattern. Live your truth, losses be damned. Just like that, your heart and soul will return home.

The Problem with Affairs

Many people come into my office because either they or their spouse is having an affair or they suspect an affair.  This is an excellent article on the topic, written by a colleague in another city!  Hope you find it helpful!

Have a great Labor Day week-end!

Alice

Being hit with the news that an affair is usually devastating and often turns the betrayed spouse's world upside down. In a maelstrom of intense emotions, often people have difficulty thinking clearly and are at a loss as to how to begin to put the pieces of their shattered lives back together. Healing both yourself and your marriage (if you choose) are possible after an affair. However, myths about affairs abound and they often create more distress when going through this already difficult process. Here are the top 10 myths I have encountered about affairs. I have seen this kind of misinformation add pain and confusion where there was already plenty.
If the experience of an affair has, in some way, touched your life, I hope you will read on and clarify any misconceptions that have caused you or someone you love more hurt.


Myth #1


It is better to not talk about the affair Talking about it only makes you more upset, making it harder to get over it and move on with your life.
The Truth: Research shows that openly talking about the affair (with your spouse) is one of the most important factors in improving the relationship and aiding with healing. If you have a gangrenous wound you do not just wrap it up and act as everything is fine. You need to unwrap it and treat it.


Myth #2

It is better to not talk about the affair. Any additional information will just make it harder to forget it and get on with your life.


The Truth: Finding out your partner has had an affair is devastating and traumatic. You often feel as you do not know what is real anymore. The betrayed partner may begin to question everything that previously felt certain in life. The truth is, information about the affair helps the hurt partner reassemble the pieces to the puzzle that is their life. This is the first step in healing.

Myth #3

People have affairs because of sexual attraction.


Truth:

The pull of an affair has much more to do with feeling cherished and adored by a new love.

Often they only see the positive aspects of a person and miss the flaws that the spouse recognizes.

Myth #4

Most affairs end in divorce.

The Truth: More than half of marriages affected by an affair remain in tact. Some couples even report that their relationship is more intimate, honest and meaningful after the affair. Such couples take important steps toward healing the relationship.

Myth #5

Affairs happen because marriages or unhappy.

Affairs can and do happen in good marriages. They are usually more about sliding across boundaries than they are about love, especially when the affair started out as a friendship that grew in intensity.

Myth #6

You should just forget the affair and get on with your marriage.

The Truth: This is a harmful attitude not only because it is next too impossible, but also because betrayed partners end up feeling additional pain and guilt for not "handling it right."


Myth #7

Affairs are usually just sexual in nature.


The Truth:

That was the most likely scenario in affairs of past decades. However, since the majority of modern day affairs tend to begin as work friendships which over time develop increasingly emotional intimacy, most affairs have an emotional component to them.

Myth: 8


Emotional Affairs (affairs where there has been no actual sexual involvement) are not really affairs.
The Truth:

Emotional affairs seem to create as much pain as affairs that have become sexual. This is true particularly if the betrayed spouse is a woman. Women experience more pain if their husband has had an affair that has involved emotional sharing than if it is just for sex. Men, on the other hand, tend to experience more pain if their wives have sexual affairs.

Myth #9


People have affairs because they are not getting enough sex in their marriage.

Truth:

It is usually the person who has the affair who is giving the least in the marriage. The spouse may actually be quite giving. The person who is least invested in the relationship is the one most at risk to stray.


Myth #10

The person who has an affair has no morals.


The Truth: More than 80% of marital partners who had an affair reported that they considered affairs wrong, and would never be the kind of person who would have an affair. They reported that they found themselves caught up in an emotional situation over which they then lost control. These days the beginnings of affairs may have more to do with sliding across boundaries than a calculated plan to deceive.



Barbara Calvi, M.S., L.M.F.T. is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice in Calabasas, California. She specializes in working with couples and with both couples and singles on affair recovery. You can subscribe to her relationship newsletter at her website: http://www.ShouldIstayorshouldIgocounseling.com or visit her relationship and affair recovery blogs at http://www.Beatthemarriageodds.typepad.com or http://Beatthemarriageodds.typepad.com/affairrecovery

Do you have a problem with compulsive gambling? There is help.

Fast Facts

• More than 80 percent of U.S. adults have reportedly gambled at least once in the past year and have done so responsibly. Approximately one percent of adults (two million individuals), however, meet the criteria of a pathological gambler. Another 2 to 3 percent have less significant, yet serious, problems with their gambling. (1)

• One in three Minnesotans say they know someone with a gambling problem. (2)

• A major depressive disorder is likely to occur in 76 percent of pathological gamblers.(3)

• In a study of gamblers enrolled in a treatment program, 10 percent considered and formulated plans to commit suicide within six months of enrollment to treatment.(4)

• Nearly half of Minnesotans think people with lower incomes are more likely to develop a gambling problem. However, like alcohol and drug addiction, it crosses the entire economic spectrum. (2)

• Nine in 10 Minnesotans say they would feel comfortable talking to a friend or family member about a gambling problem. (2)

• Minnesota is one of 29 states that fund problem gambling programs. (5)

• Minnesota has a toll-free, 24-hour, seven-day-a-week, confidential Helpline providing information and referrals for problem gamblers and other concerned individuals: 1-800-333-HOPE begin_of_the_skype_highlighting 1-800-333-HOPE end_of_the_skype_highlighting.

• Eight in 10 Minnesotans do not know of a financial resource available to those who need problem gambling treatment but cannot afford to pay for it. However, the State of Minnesota will provide treatment if insurance does not cover it. (2)

• In 2006, 1,150 individuals received state-funded treatment from problem gambling treatment providers. (6)

• 93 treatment providers in 111 locations throughout the state are registered with the Minnesota Department of Human Services to provide outpatient treatment.

• Family members and/or significant others affected by negative consequences of problem gambling can access treatment and funding even if the gambler is unwilling to participate in treatment.



1) National Council on Problem Gambling, March 2003.



2) Minnesota Department of Human Services’ Consumer Study, 2002



3) Unwin, B.K.; Davis, M.K.; & Leeuw, J.B. “Pathological gambling,” American Family Physician, February 2000.



4) Moore, Thomas L., Ph.D. Gambling Treatment Programs Evaluation Update, 2002.



5) Association of Problem Gambling Service Administrators, 2007.



6) Minnesota Department of Human Services

Crescent Hill Counseling is alive and open for business

Many of you know that I've been out of town for several weeks in late March, early April for the birth of my first grandchild.  But I'm back now and open for business!

I love being a therapist and watching people change and grow, mature and accept themselves and their families as they are and not try to change others.  Always a losing battle!

At the foundation of the therapy I do is the concept of self-esteem and the idea that we are good people who sometime make bad choices in behaviors and the people with whom we choose to associate.  But we can make new choices every day and learn to separate the person from the behavior or deed.

The man in the picture above (deleted) has been in the news a whole lot recently.  He has been dealing with something called sex addiction.  Is sex addiction real, you ask, or just an excuse for bad behavior?  I believe that it is real because I have been treating sex addicts for almost 25 years.  Often they are powerful, successful, intelligent people who began to feel "entitled" to indulging their impulses even though down deep they knew they were jeopardizing the lives of their families, they were jeopardizing their careers, and they were harming people that were involved with.

Most sex addiction starts very early as sex addicts often grow up in dysfunctional families were sex is either not talked about at all, or is talked about and acted out frequently.  Many sex addicts tell me their families were either very, very religious or had no religion at all.  As children they often grow up feeling scared and along.  They learn to comfort themselves sexually and as they reach puberty and then adulthood, they naturally gravitate toward people who feel as they do.  They often develop "double lives" as the man in the picture did.

If you or someone you know is struggling with internet pornography, repeated affairs, or visiting prostitues and strip bars, please give them my name and address.  I can help and look forward to helping find solutions.

Do you think your teenager is using drugs?

Dear Readers,

One of the populations that I work with is the teenage drug and alcohol abuser.  By the time they get to me they have usually had some run-ins with both the court system and their school teachers, administrators. and definitely their families.  I offer this assessment to you in case you are wondering whether or not your teenager might have a problem.  If you feel that he or she does, please don't hesitate to call me Crescent Hill Counseling, 502-419-1698.  Thanks!

Teen Drug Abuse Assessment

Read each question carefully and completely. Take as much time as you need to reflect on each question. This tool is of no help to you if you refuse to answer each question honestly. Answers are completely confidential. No personal information is requested and your answers are not saved. Remember, if you cheat, you're only cheating yourself.

Yes    No 1. Have you found drug paraphernalia or other evidence of drugs (such as pipes, rolling papers, eye drops, or butane lighters)?
Yes    No 2. Has the teen borrowed increasing amounts of money from you (the parents) or friends?
Yes    No 3. Does the teen steal?
Yes    No 4. Have you noticed abrupt changes in mood or attitude?
Yes    No 5. Have you noticed withdrawal, isolation, depression, or fatigue?
Yes    No 6. Has there been a sudden decline in attendance or performance at school or work?
Yes    No 7. Has there been sudden resistance to discipline at home or school?
Yes    No 8. Have there been more frequent or more intense temper outbursts?
Yes    No 9. Has the teen lost interest in hobbies or sports?
Yes    No 10. Have there been changes in the teen's eating or sleeping habits?
Yes    No 11. Is the teen hanging out with a new group of friends that you suspect may use drugs?
Yes    No 12. Is the teen more secretive about his/her actions or possessions?
Yes    No 13. Have you noticed a drastic change in the teen's appearance or has the teen lost interest in his/her appearance?
Yes    No 14. Does the teen have frequent headaches, nosebleeds, or other physical problems with no medical reason?
Yes    No 15. Do you sometimes smell chemicals or drugs?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Total 'Yes' 0 (out of 15 possible)

Interpretation Based on your answers, the teenager is probably not abusing drugs. Get help for your teen if you still feel there may be a problem with drug abuse.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

All calculators are made available as self-help tools for your independent use with results based on information provided by the user. All examples are hypothetical and are for illustrative purposes only. Calculated results are believed to be accurate but results are not guaranteed. Health and Parenting Assessments address subjects that may be of interest to the general public. These assesments should be used for education about medical conditions only and are not for providing medical diagnosis. Only a health care professional can diagnose and recommend treatment. Users are advised to promptly check with a physician if a medical condition exists or is suspected.

Presented by WebCalcSolutions.com and BizCalcs.com.
Copyright © 2005-2010 PeteSoft, LLC. All rights reserved.
Updated 05 Jul 2007

Looking for the Perfect Relationship?

If you're looking for the perfect relationship, I have some bad news for you: there is no such thing! It is purely a figment of Hollywood and romantic fiction novelists. Bottom line? No individual is perfect therefore a perfect relationship isn't going to happen either! But forget about perfection anyway! Perfection doesn't exist in our world but people can definitely have wonderful, beautiful, awesome and extremely satisfying relationships!

Please watch this wisdom-filled video from my friend Abraham Hicks and let me know what you think!

Have a wonder-filled week!

Dealing with Toxic People in the Workplace

We all know them; we all deal with them as best we can, but what do the experts say?


Anyone who’s ever worked in an office or served on a large, longstanding committee probably knows this scenario – when you find yourself getting overly aggravated, disrupted or distracted by an angry, dysfunctional fellow worker.



Check out this excellent advice from psychotherapist Phillip Chard, who suggests guided imagery. When having a reasonable conversation isn’t an option, going inward with guided imagery is the way to go:



Nancy works with an emotionally toxic person.



This individual has a talent for agitating her co-workers, a feat she accomplishes by being disrespectful, hypercritical and sarcastic.



"She verbally attacks people all the time, even in meetings, so everybody in our work group is intimidated by her," Nancy reported.



Management has turned a blind eye to the mess, leaving this woman's colleagues to fend for themselves.

And they've tried, albeit unsuccessfully.



"I've read books and gone to workshops on conflict management, and even worked with a personal coach, but I still get the same result - she doesn't change," Nancy lamented.



The conflict resolution methods Nancy utilized rely on saying things in a certain way, as if the right words, expressions and interactive tone will somehow transform Ms. Toxicity into a more respectful soul. Such rational methods can work on occasion.



However, because toxic people are driven by hostility and unconscious mental scripts, they require a different strategy, one that focuses less on changing an adversary's behavior and more on altering one's own while with him or her.



"You're trying to change how this woman behaves around you, but you may get further by changing your own behavior instead," I suggested.



The greatest power an emotionally toxic person wields is to influence the state of consciousness in someone else.



If such individuals can push your hot buttons and control your feelings and reactions, then they triumph.



"You've abdicated mastery of your own state of mind and behavior to this woman," I told Nancy. "Now, you need to take it back."



Just as one can train the body to acquire certain physical skills, the capacity to manage one's consciousness, including thoughts and feelings, can also be learned.



A variety of psychological disciplines can help, including guided imagery, mental rehearsal, role playing, the use of personal mantras and so on.



In Nancy's case, she chose guided imagery.



While with her toxic co-worker, she visualized an orb of light inside her body, one that expanded in size and intensity each time she inhaled - like inflating a balloon.



She thought of it as a kind of invisible force field of psychic energy surrounding her.



Inside this "sphere of energy," Nancy remained calm, grounded and insulated from Ms. Toxicity's mayhem.



And each time this adversary tried to unbalance her with a nasty remark or critical expression, Nancy simply focused on visualizing her "force field" and maintaining control of her inner state.



The result?



Unable to manipulate Nancy's consciousness, Ms. Toxicity gradually began treating her with greater respect.



Toxic types wield their power by disrupting your capacity to remain in charge of your emotions and state of mind.



By refusing to react on that person's terms, you regain your personal power and demonstrate that you are not going to play their game.



Because when it comes to toxic types, playing is futile.



Just say, "Game over."



This column appeared in the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel on Jan. 18, 2010.

20 Best Break Up Songs to Get Through Grieving: Music to Help Heal When a Relationship Ends

Here's an interesting little article that I ran across this morning and thought you might enjoy!  So many people go into therapy or counseling because of relationship break ups and there is definitely a lot of music that addresses breaking-up.  In my day "Breaking Up is Hard to Do" by Neil Sedaka was a favorite. 


Hope you enjoy this! 


Jan 9, 2010 Sandra Williams



Here are several healing and sad break up songs that are divided into stages of grief.


Couples going through a break up usually go through the five stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance) until they come to the final stage, which is acceptance. It could take longer to get through the grieving process if it was a lengthy relationship or a bad break up.



Music helps many people cope when relationships end and for some reason they’re often compelled to listen to sad break up songs while mourning. Some of this music is angry and depressing, but there are songs that might actually lift the spirits of those going through break ups.



Angry Break Up Songs:

1.Bad Medicine – Bon Jovi: Bon Jovi seems to have found a formula for belting out rock ballad hits on a regular basis. This was a number one hit in 1988 that sees love as addictive.

2.Shut Up – Black Eyed Peas

3.You Oughta Know – Alanis Morissette

4.Walk – Pantera

5.Untouchable Face – Ani DiFranco

6.Love Stinks – J. Geils Band: Enough said.

Sad Break Up Songs:

7. Congratulations – Traveling Wilburys



8. And It Stoned Me – Van Morrison: Somehow people just know that this Irish singer has been there. Van Morrison is a brilliant songwriter who has a smooth smoky sound with a down to earth blues feel. He can laugh at hard times and is perfect for sad break up songs.



9. Last Day Of Our Acquaintance – Sinead O’Connor: Sinead could sing anything and make it sound sad, but this is a song about a marriage finally falling apart.




10. Trouble – Ray Lamontagne



Good Break Up Denial Songs:

11. End of The Road – Boys II Men



12. Can't Be Really Gone – Tim McGraw



Healing Music Good For The Acceptance Stage

13. With or Without You – U2



14. At This Point In My Life – Tracy Chapman



15. Two more Bottles of Wine – Emmylou Harris



16. Face Drop – Sean Kingston: This is a fun song by the adorable Jamaican singer and songwriter Sean Kingston. “Saying that I'd look better if I was thinner, but you know you should have loved me for my inner”, the husky singer croons.



17. Beyonce – Irreplaceable: Almost everyone knows what “to the left” means, thanks to Beyonce.



18. Let Him Fly – Dixie Chicks



19. I’m Still Standing – Elton John: Elton’s always good for an empowering break up song, and that’s probably because of his big heart. The fact that he’s bounced back from so much himself must add to his song writing skills.



20. I Don’t Care Anymore – Phil Collins: When Phil Collins belts out that he doesn’t care anymore, that’s pretty straightforward. However, much of this break up song list is open to interpretation.





Read more at Suite101: 20 Best Break Up Songs to Get Through Grieving: Music to Help Heal When a Relationship Ends http://popmusic.suite101.com/article.cfm/20_best_break_up_songs_to_get_through_grieving#ixzz0cDU4Z4Dp

Seven Tips for dealing with Seasonal Depression

Starting around Halloween, therapists become overbooked, their schedules bursting at the seams with new appointments and people coming back for a “tune-up”, not feeling so hot all of a sudden.




So, this might be a good time to run some tips by you for dealing with depression during this vulnerable time for so many. And let me just say at the outset that I really do understand that depression, by definition, drains your energy, motivation and sense of hope and efficacy, so you’re not exactly in the mood to follow tips. I get that. Try to do a little of this and that anyway. If you keep at it, the gains can become cumulative and effective over time. Okay, here goes:



1.Seek emotional support from the relationships likely to deliver the goods. That means sharing how you feel with trusted family or friends; making yourself show up for a social activity; emailing somebody; picking up the phone; joining a support group.. you get the picture. Structured social activity is your friend here.





2.Get exercise – it’s a natural anti-depressant. You won’t feel like it if you’re depressed, but go for a walk or get to the gym anyway. And while you’re at it, get your daily dose of sunlight, too, assuming you’re not in the Land of the Midnight Sun or, um, Cleveland. (Sorry, Cleveland! It’s actually exceptionally gorgeous and sunny here lately, with stunning foliage, so that was a cheap shot…. Must be accumulated resentment from too many gray Novembers, I guess.)





3.Try to normalize your sleep pattern – if you’re depressed, you’re likely to be sleeping too little or too much or both. Get to bed at a decent hour and don’t sleep in too long.





4.Eat healthy, mood-boosting foods. This includes complex carbs, vitamin B, chromium and foods rich in Omega 3 fatty acids (salmon, nuts, flax oil, etc). And, for heavens sake, ditch the refined sugar, people! You’ll get a quick boost, followed by a plummeting mood, and that’s a promise. Excessive caffeine isn’t so great for you either.





5.Figure out what works as your uplift tools: listening to guided imagery or your favorite music; getting out in nature; journaling; a taste of dark chocolate; working with your favorite yoga DVD; playing with the dog; taking a hot, aromatherapy bath; getting a massage; watching a goofy movie… whatever does it for you.





6.Be intentionally kind to yourself. Plan with your well-being in mind. Avoid stressful encounters and assignments when possible. Talk nicely and encouragingly to yourself. Watch for when negative self-talk or impossibly high standards start harassing you from the inside and tell that part of your brain to just knock it off.





7.Get professional help if you can’t activate these strategies. You may need a kick-start from some medication and/or more structured care from a pro.



And do check out the research which shows that short term Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) can alleviate this condition, even more than light therapy, and that for many, results stick through the following year.



(written by Belleruth Naparstek, http://www.belleruthnaparstek.com/)

How's your serenity level this week?

I hope you're having a joyful and calm Christmas week!  One of the best techniques I know for calm and serenity involves having a short phrase or even a single word that you repeat to yourself when you're feeling stress or anxiety rising within.  I found this short little article that I wanted to share with you.  You can also get some Christmas Tranquility here!
Finding a meaningful mantra is one of the best ways to show yourself some support. It's a tool that can instantly connect you to your best self — no matter what the world throws at you — and provide inspiration and comfort. Choose a word, a phrase, or even a lyric from a song that suggests what you want in life. It could be something like "I choose love," or even just a word, like peace. Allow the phrase or word to run through your mind, and practice saying it when you wake up or before you go to bed at night. Eventually, it will become automatic and will always be there for you when you need it.

Is Santa coming to see YOU??

"Children now love luxury; they have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for elders and love chatter in place of exercise. children are now tyrants, not the servants of their households. They no longer rise when elders enter the room. They contradict their parents, and tyrannize their teachers...." --Socrates, 500 BC (!)

When I was little, my parents definitely tried to use the threat of Santa seeing me when I was sleeping and knowing when I'd been good or bad.  I'll admit, I was not a perfect child and so I worried quite a bit about what Santa might or might not bring me.  Usually I got pretty much what I expected but I did worry a lot about it!

On top of that, my mother warned us of a creature called "Bellsnickle" that would come and take all of your toys back on New Year's Eve if you didn't share your toys with your siblings and friends...again, more cause for worry and concern. 

Judging my the quote at the beginning of this post, parents and adults in general have been concerned about children's deteriorating behavior for a long, long time and yet...I do believe that most children are doing the best they can and are often very confused about what is right and what is wrong, based on what the adults around them are doing.  Did you ever the hear the phrase "do as I say and not as I do!"?  I did and I remember that I didn't particularly like it. 

The best thing you can do to encourage good behavior in your kids is to model that behavior for them.  Demonstrate over and over politeness, courtesy, compassion, honesty, gratitude and forgiveness.  These are the lessons that we all need to model, practice and re-learn over and over.  If you do this, Santa will definitely come to see you next Thursday night!

Christmas is Coming, the Goose is getting fat...

One of the earliest Christmas carols I remember said:

1. Christmas is coming, the goose is getting fat;
Please to put a penny in the old man's hat,
Please to put a penny in the old man's hat.

2. If you haven't got a penny, a haypenny will do;
If you haven't got a haypenny, well God bless you,
If you haven't got a haypenny, well God bless you.



The "goose" is not the only one who gets fat during Christmas-time. The average person gains up to seven to ten pounds every holiday season, while some studies show that is it closer to one to two pounds. Whatever study you subscribe to, it is your own personal reality that really counts. The real issue is whether we ever lose those extra pounds or do we just keep adding weight on each year, making us fatter, unhealthy and frustrated?

Since the holidays are a time for parties, gourmet dinners and other festive events surrounding food, cookies, candy and alcohol, it means that we increase our caloric intake quite substantially––usually empty calories (void of nutritional value) that are full of fat, sugar, sodium and white flour. Moreover, we tend to throw discipline out the chimney, neglecting exercise and other important dietary regulations.

There's no getting around it, those extra holiday calories, especially carbohydrates, added sodium, excessive alcohol consumption, as well as other variables will put more weight on your body. But there is some good news here: those extra pounds might not be all fat. Holiday weight gain may stem from glycogen storage and/or water weight, which can cause you to think you are getting fat.

Because there are 3500 calories in a pound of fat, you would need to consume 3500 calories over and above your metabolic rate and activity level in order to gain that pound of fat and vise versa; 3500 calories to lose a pound of fat. Although it is more complex than that, this tidbit of information is timely and should give you a little peace in regards to your holiday eating habits.

Don't get too jolly yet; when you consume excessive amount of calories (food and liquid) over an extended period of time you will get fat. And poor eating habits will mess with your health especially if you are obese, have high cholesterol, high blood pressure, diabetes, or any other health predicament.

As a fitness expert for over 29 years, it has become somewhat futile to place weight-loss in a News Year’s resolution list, so I’m proposing a different strategy this year: a preemptive attack against "holiday fat". You don’t have to start your new year with the goal of losing the weight that you had planned on losing last year plus the ten pounds you just gained over the holiday season.

The simplest thing you can do over the holidays is to increase your water intake, especially if you are drinking alcohol. The health benefits of water are already well known, but did you know it has a profound impact on weight loss? Most of us retain water because we do not drink enough water. We even mistake thirst for hunger, so we eat more instead of drinking water. Don’t wait until you are thirsty to drink water, start early in the day and make sure you have access to water all day long. Keep in mind, dehydration not only has health consequences but also affects our mood and can make us lethargic, making it impossible to function, exercise and shop.

Did you "survive" the Thanksgiving holiday?

Getting through the everyday routine is stressful enough, but the holidays can definitely turn it up a notch. After Thanksgiving and Black Friday holiday schedules kick into high gear with holiday shopping, parties, and family get-togethers. To make it through without blowing a fuse (or your budget), here are some tips to stay fit and healthy, both in body and mind:

1. Take a Step Back

Remember that the holidays are about sharing time with loved ones and, for many, celebrating your faith. Don’t let a long to-do list or gift shopping prevent you from making the most of the season. Make a promise to enjoy all that is wonderful about this time of year.

2. Stay Active

The holidays bring fat-laden and sugary temptations galore, from the hearty buffet tables at parties to the seasonal Hershey Kiss-filled candy jars at work. Increasing your calorie intake will translate to added weight. Stay extra active by taking a walk during your lunch hour, parking your car far away from the store entrance when you’re out shopping, or taking the stairs at the mall instead of the elevators. Make sure you are at least as active as you regularly are. Be creative—play a few rounds of charades after dinner with your family.

3. Stick to a Schedule

Keep track of all your obligations in your planner or your Google Calendar. Schedule appointments with yourself to research or purchase holiday gifts. Set a budget and make a list of gifts you plan to purchase and compare prices online to find out where the best deals are. This will not only prevent last-minute impulse shopping, but will also keep your checkbook under control (and will keep the post-holiday stress at bay!).

4. Plan Your Calories

There are plenty of healthy recipe options for big family dinners. Planning ahead and checking out different resources, whether in cookbooks or on the Internet, will help you make the best choices for your waistline.

5. Give Back

Give toys to a collection drive, or donate canned foods to the local food bank, which are facing an increasing need during the holidays. Doing something extra for others is a good reminder to ourselves of all we’ve been blessed with, and sometimes that’s all we need to keep a bit of perspective during the holiday season.

What are you doing to stay stress-free this holiday season?

By Mitzi Dulan, RD, CSSD

How will you handle the "Eating Season?

We are now a couple of weeks into what I like to call the “Eating Season”. It starts off with that creepy yet sugary holiday Halloween. Where we buy bags and bags of candy to give away to soon to be obese children but end up eating most of it ourselves. It then picks up steam as we move closer to the crown jewel of gluttony Thanksgiving. Things really get rolling to what must be a spandex chimney on December 25th. And just as soon as we almost get the table cleared from that we then must celebrate the end of one year and the beginning of what we hope to be a better one. We make those New Year's resolutions then we are once again attacked buy a celebration that has to be number by the Romans, The Super bowl. This is our last excuse for sweat pants and elastic waist bands. So in defense of all of that I have put together a list to help me and maybe others fight off the beast. “Happy Holidays and a Healthy New Year!”

50 ways to lose your blubber
1. Schedule your workouts
2. Drink more water
3. Watch your carb intake
4. Walk more
5. Go to the gym
6. Reward yourself without food
7. Don’t shop for comfort
8. Eat 5 small meals a day
9. Give up cheese
10. Make meals a special time
11. Read diet or fitness magazines
12. Join Weight Watchers
13. Have a weight goal
14. Associate with thin people
15. Exercise 6 days a week
16. Get a fitness partner
17. Keep records of weight and exercise
18. Don’t have a sugar bowl
19. Don’t be afraid to throw food away
20. Only eat ½ your meal
21. Watch less television
22. Picture yourself thin
23. Lift weights
24. Mix up your exercise routine
25. Buy less food
26. Eat at home
27. Take your measurements
28. Take vitamins
29. Burn more calories
30. Have a stationary bike at home and use it
31. “Eat mor chikin”
32. Workout in the morning
33. Eat oatmeal for breakfast
34. Get a personal trainer
35. Sign up for a boot camp
36. Vary your workout plan
37. Take an exercise day off
38. Eat more fish
39. Don’t eat anything white
40. If it taste good spit it out
41. Sign up for a race
42. Breathe
43. Get at least 8 hours of sleep
44. Weigh every day
45. Buy some good running shoes
46. Buy some new workout clothes
47. Have your body fat measured
48. Shop with a list
49. Make a weekly menu
50. Remember sweat will not kill you.

Is there a "right way" to grieve?

Let me answer that immediately: There is no one "right way" to grieve. Losses are inevitable and are ever present in all lives. Death is universal. Grief is universal. We all must cope with bereavement at some stage in our lives. Even though death can be separated into two categories, long-term illness and sudden death, all death is sudden.
The finality of death brings to those left behind a tremendous amount of emotional pain. Grief is not something abnormal; rather, it is a normal and inevitable step in our journey through life. Two simple definitions of grief are
1) the conflicting feelings caused by the end of or change in a familiar pattern or behavior.
2) a normal, natural and painful emotional reaction to loss. We can grieve not only for the passing of a human life, but also for the death of a relationship (divorce) or we can suffer the same emotional reactions over the loss of a beloved pet. Grieving is difficult because it involved many intense feelings – love, sadness, fear, anger, relief, compassion, hate, or happiness to name a few.
Not everyone experiences all of these feelings but many in the grieving process experience several of them at the same time. The feelings are intense, disorganizing and can be long lasting. Grieving often feels has been described as drowning in a sea of painful emotions.

Grieving is difficult work. The following are some suggestion to help in navigating the journey through grief.

-Take time. Don’t let others rush you into “getting over” your feelings.

-Don’t make major decisions. The time of grief is a time of instability.

-Avoid the temptation to use alcohol or drugs to numb the painful feelings.

-Cry. Tears are the healthiest expression of grief. Don’t try to hold back crying for the sake of others.

-Know that there will be good days and bad days. Pangs of intense grief can surface during holidays, significant events such as birthdays or anniversaries.

-Remember the loved one often and as much as you need to. Look at photographs, read old letters and retell your memories to friends and other members of the family.

-Seek people who will understand your need to talk about what happened. Seek out people who will really listen to your remembrances.

-Allow yourself time to heal. Pay attention to your health. Make sure you are getting enough sleep. Eat a healthy diet. Get outside in the sunshine for exercise
or a mild walk.

-Ask for what you need from others. Accept what help they offer. Now is not the time to try to do everything by yourself.

-Seek out grief counseling if you feel you cannot cope alone. Grief counseling is available through community resources, churches and licensed therapists. Join a grief support group. Local community papers will usually have listings. Use the Internet and join an electronic bulletin board dedicated to supporting individuals who have lost loved ones.

-Remember your grief is individual to you. Not everyone’s grief is identical to yours. You will share some similarities with others, but grieving is a very personal and very individual process.

How do eating disorders get started?

The start of eating disorders really comes from a variety of factors. While the skinny models of the 1990s are perhaps the origin of a new era of self-conscious, thin-is-in youth, that is not the whole picture. If the public as a whole didn't adopt the idea of thin as ideal beauty, the number of eating disorders we see today probably would be a lot fewer. The following are some different factors that really led to the start of eating disorders in a contemporary setting.

Looks Over Talent

While not all celebrities are exceedingly attractive, almost every one of them is thin. While there are always exceptions, the majority of people who want to succeed in show business, modeling, or popular music are pressured to be thin. In many cases, there are probably plenty of other people out there who are as talented, or even more talented, when compared to the famous actors and musicians out there. The main difference is, only the people with the good looks got the job. Consider all of the instances of very attractive pop singers who rely on the studio to make their voice sound good. They aren't hired to be the most original songwriter or the best singer--they're hired to look good on the album cover and in the music videos.

Peer Pressure and Put Downs

You probably knew that one kid that everyone made fun of or tried to avoid. Maybe that kid was overweight, or had weird clothes, or smelled bad. The moral of the story is, how other people treat you is one of the most important influences you have. If you were abused or made fun of when you were younger, you're more likely to want to find a way to avoid being ridiculed ever again. If that means an eating disorder, some people are still willing to suffer rather than be teased. More than just put downs, peer pressure can be a huge factor. Girls are fiercely competitive, and if they see someone that they think looks better, they can get it in their head that they have to look like her. Sometimes, a bad relationship or abusive boyfriend/girlfriend can nudge someone into having an eating disorder.

Family Troubles

A huge number of people who develop an eating disorder had some sort of trouble in the family when they were growing up. It could have been a divorce, abuse from a parent or sibling, neglect, a lack of support or need for attention, etc. In addition, when parents aren't as involved with their children's lives, the children almost always to turn to the media and their own peers as a source of information. Without the critical role of parents in their lives, many children grow up with a skewed view of what is important and what is normal.

The start of eating disorders might come from your home growing up, the influence of pop culture and the media over today's youth and adults, or even a few cruel words from a peer. Whatever the reason, know that eating disorders are not the answer, and if you know someone who is struggling, make sure that they get some help .


Emile Jarreau, aka, Mr. Fat Loss is fascinated by health, nutrition and weight loss. For more great info about eating disorder for losing weight and keeping it off visit http://www.MrFatLoss.com

Positive thoughts to start your day!

I don't normally send out two posts, two days in a row but I thought this one was particularly good! Hope you think so too!

Alice

'Be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.'
A sharp tongue can cut your own throat.
If you want your dreams to come true, you mustn't oversleep.

Of all the things you wear, your expression is the most important.

The best vitamin for making friends...... B1.


The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts.

The heaviest thing you can carry is a grudge.

One thing you can give and still keep.....is your word.

You lie the loudest when you lie to yourself
If you lack the courage to start, you have already finished.
One thing you can't recycle is wasted time.
Ideas won't work unless ' You' do.

Your mind is like a parachute...it functions only when open..

The 10 commandments are not a multiple choice.

The pursuit of happiness is the chase of a lifetime! It is never too late to become what you might have been.

Life is too short to wake up with regrets. So love the people who treat you right.. Forget about the one's who don't. Believe everything happens for a reason. If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.

Friends are like balloons; once you let them go, you might not get them back. Sometimes we get so busy with our own lives and problems that we may not even notice that we've let them fly away. Sometimes we are so caught up in who's right and who's wrong that we forget what's right and wrong. Sometimes we just don't realize what real friendship means until it is too late. I don't want to let that happen so I'm gonna tie you to my heart so I never lose you.

Send this to all your friends including me and see how many you get back. Even send it to your balloons that you think have flown away forever. You may be surprised to see it return. Send this heart to everybody you love and like and that have touched your life in a positive way.