Crescent Hill Counseling

Stressed out? Take a deeeeeeep breath....ahhhhhhh!

2011-09-19T15:06:00.000-04:00

Breathing techniques are one of the most important aspects of any Yoga program. Breathing techniques find their application in almost all types of exercises and techniques that people use for their physical well-being. Breathing techniques provide great relief from stress and energy depletion, which is quite common in today's scenario of unhealthy competition and strife. Breathing techniques have been linked to ease out many medical problems, helping in mental calm, and also in spiritual practices that one undertakes.

It has been estimated that we breathe more than 17,000 times a day, but most of the times, we do it unconsciously. We are not aware about the time we should take to exhale or inhale. We also do not know the flow of air that we need to take: whether we should take deeper breaths or short ones. However, proper guidance about breathing techniques can work well for physical needs. It is said that short and speedy breath is the cause of fatigue, anxiety, and a loss of carbon dioxide that leads to the constricting of arteries and blood vessels. It is well observed that this type of breath involves the movements of chest muscles only; however, breathing techniques that involve deeper breaths incorporate use of belly to inhale and exhale. It goes without saying that deeper breaths are better than the short ones.
Learning to take a deep breath
It is quite easy to learn breathing techniques involving the use of belly. Below are some points that can illustrate these breathing techniques in a better way:
•Breathing techniques often involve deep breaths; however, to attain that breath, you need to empty out your belly from all the air. So, we start from the point of emptying the belly of total air. Once it is free of all the air, when you will inhale, you will automatically have deeper breaths.
•It is very important to note that you need to inhale through your nose and not mouth. If you have a tendency to inhale through your mouth, you probably will not get the results of these breathing techniques.

•Make it a regular practice to breathe deep. You can start by lying down, and can also choose some cool place where you have access to fresh air: morning time is the best one when you are practicing these breathing techniques

•If you have some occupation that are too much stressing and demanding in their work, these breathing techniques can work wonders for you. You can practice deep breathing in the evening also, and anywhere. It is just a matter of being knowledgeable and habitual to it.

Breathing techniques have their application in spiritual practices also. If you practice meditation and Yoga, you will need to adopt these breathing techniques anyhow, as almost all the Yoga practices start from breathing techniques. The control over your breath opens the gate of further controls that you need to achieve to be successful in meditation.

Life's Rules for 2011 and Beyond

2011-03-14T21:36:00.000-04:00

I don't know who collected all of these great things, but I wanted to share them. I believe that these are very wise ideas and they were sent to me by my friend in Maryland, Rev. Sandi. Enjoy!
Health:

1. Drink plenty of water.

2. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.

3. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants..

4. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm and Empathy

5. Make time to prayer and meditation

6. Play more games

7. Read more books than you did in 2010

8. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day

9. Sleep for at least 7 hours.

10. Take a 10-30 minutes walk daily. And while you walk, smile.

Personality:

11. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

12. Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.

13. Don't over do. Keep your limits.

14. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

15. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip.

16. Dream more while you are awake.

17. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

18. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your friend or partner with His/Her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.

19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.

20. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.

21. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

22. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.

23. Smile and laugh more.

24. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree....

Society:

25. Call your family often.

26. Each day give something good to others.

27. Forgive everyone for everything.

28. Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.

29. Try to make at least three people smile each day.

30. What other people think of you is none of your business.

31. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

Life:

32. Do the right thing!

33. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

34. GOD heals everything.

35. However good or bad a situation is, it will change..

36. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

37. The best is yet to come.

38. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it.

39. Your Inner most is always happy. So, be happy.

And, Most Importantly:

40. Everyday, say I LOVE YOU to those that give your life meaning.

The 90/10 priniciple...a powerful lesson!

2010-11-04T21:32:00.000-04:00

This is one of the best slideshows I've seen lately. It really makes a powerful case for the interconnectedness of our behaviors and how our lives go. It is very hard to isolate incidents and believe that they don't affect everything else. Life is a giant interconnected web and our thoughts, actions, and beliefs powerfully affect each other. Today, choose positive, loving and forgiving thoughts and behaviors. You'll be contributing to a better world!Alice90 10 Principle Presentation

View more presentations from Faisal Khan.

10 Life Lessons You Should Unlearn

2010-09-15T10:38:00.000-04:00

Dear Friends and Clients of Crescent Hill Counseling,

In the past 20 years, I've realized that our culture is rife with ideas that actually inhibit joy. Here are some of the things I'm most grateful to have unlearned: (by Martha Beck)

1. Problems are bad. You spent your school years solving arbitrary problems imposed by boring authority figures. You learned that problems—comment se dit?—suck. But people without real problems go mad and invent things like base jumping and wedding planning. Real problems are wonderful, each carrying the seeds of its own solution. Job burnout? It's steering you toward your perfect career. An awful relationship? It's teaching you what love means. Confusing tax forms? They're suggesting you hire an accountant, so you can focus on more interesting tasks, such as flossing. Finding the solution to each problem is what gives life its gusto.

2. It's important to stay happy. Solving a knotty problem can help us be happy, but we don't have to be happy to feel good. If that sounds crazy, try this: Focus on something that makes you miserable. Then think, "I must stay happy!" Stressful, isn't it? Now say, "It's okay to be as sad as I need to be." This kind of permission to feel as we feel—not continuous happiness—is the foundation of well-being.

3. I'm irreparably damaged by my past. Painful events leave scars, true, but it turns out they're largely erasable. Jill Bolte Taylor, the neuroanatomist who had a stroke that obliterated her memory, described the event as losing "37 years of emotional baggage." Taylor rebuilt her own brain, minus the drama. Now it appears we can all effect a similar shift, without having to endure a brain hemorrhage. The very thing you're doing at this moment—questioning habitual thoughts—is enough to begin off-loading old patterns. For example, take an issue that's been worrying you ("I've got to work harder!") and think of three reasons that belief may be wrong. Your brain will begin to let it go. Taylor found this thought-loss euphoric. You will, too.

4. Working hard leads to success. Baby mammals, including humans, learn by playing, which is why "the battle of Waterloo was won on the playing fields of Eton." Boys who'd spent years strategizing for fun gained instinctive skills to handle real-world situations. So play as you did in childhood, with all-out absorption. Watch for ways your childhood playing skills can solve a problem (see #1). Play, not work, is the key to success. While we're on the subject...

5. Success is the opposite of failure. Fact: From quitting smoking to skiing, we succeed to the degree we try, fail, and learn. Studies show that people who worry about mistakes shut down, but those who are relaxed about doing badly soon learn to do well. Success is built on failure.

"If all my wishes came true, right now, life would be perfect"

6. It matters what people think of me. "But if I fail," you may protest, "people will think badly of me!" This dreaded fate causes despair, suicide, homicide. I realized this when I read blatant lies about myself on the Internet. When I bewailed this to a friend, she said, "Wow, you have some painful fantasies about other people's fantasies about you." Yup, my anguish came from my hypothesis that other people's hypothetical hypotheses about me mattered. Ridiculous! Right now, imagine what you'd do if it absolutely didn't matter what people thought of you. Got it? Good. Never go back.

7. We should think rationally about our decisions. Your rational capacities are far newer and more error-prone than your deeper, "animal" brain. Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal. Consider a choice you have to make—anything from which movie to see to which house to buy. Instead of weighing pros and cons intellectually, notice your physical response to each option. Pay attention to when your body tenses or relaxes. And speaking of bodies...

8. The pretty girls (handsome men) get all the good stuff. Oh, God. So not true. I unlearned this after years of coaching beautiful clients. Yes, these lovelies get preferential treatment in most life scenarios, but there's a catch: While everyone's looking at them, virtually no one sees them. Almost every gorgeous client had a husband who'd married her breasts and jawline without ever noticing her soul.

9. If all my wishes came true right now, life would be perfect. Check it out: People who have what you want are all over rehab clinics, divorce courts, and jails. That's because good fortune has side effects, just like medications advertised on TV. Basically, any external thing we depend on to make us feel good has the power to make us feel bad. Weirdly, when you've stopped depending on tangible rewards, they often materialize. To attract something you want, become as joyful as you think that thing would make you. The joy, not the thing, is the point.

10. Loss is terrible. Ten years ago I still feared loss enough to abandon myself in order to keep things stable. I'd smile when I was sad, pretend to like people who appalled me. What I now know is that losses aren't cataclysmic if they teach the heart and soul their natural cycle of breaking and healing. A real tragedy? That's the loss of the heart and soul themselves. If you've abandoned yourself in the effort to keep anyone or anything else, unlearn that pattern. Live your truth, losses be damned. Just like that, your heart and soul will return home.

The Problem with Affairs

2010-09-04T22:25:00.000-04:00

Many people come into my office because either they or their spouse is having an affair or they suspect an affair. This is an excellent article on the topic, written by a colleague in another city! Hope you find it helpful!

Have a great Labor Day week-end!

Alice

Being hit with the news that an affair is usually devastating and often turns the betrayed spouse's world upside down. In a maelstrom of intense emotions, often people have difficulty thinking clearly and are at a loss as to how to begin to put the pieces of their shattered lives back together. Healing both yourself and your marriage (if you choose) are possible after an affair. However, myths about affairs abound and they often create more distress when going through this already difficult process. Here are the top 10 myths I have encountered about affairs. I have seen this kind of misinformation add pain and confusion where there was already plenty.
If the experience of an affair has, in some way, touched your life, I hope you will read on and clarify any misconceptions that have caused you or someone you love more hurt.

Myth #1

It is better to not talk about the affair Talking about it only makes you more upset, making it harder to get over it and move on with your life.
The Truth: Research shows that openly talking about the affair (with your spouse) is one of the most important factors in improving the relationship and aiding with healing. If you have a gangrenous wound you do not just wrap it up and act as everything is fine. You need to unwrap it and treat it.

Myth #2

It is better to not talk about the affair. Any additional information will just make it harder to forget it and get on with your life.

The Truth: Finding out your partner has had an affair is devastating and traumatic. You often feel as you do not know what is real anymore. The betrayed partner may begin to question everything that previously felt certain in life. The truth is, information about the affair helps the hurt partner reassemble the pieces to the puzzle that is their life. This is the first step in healing.

Myth #3

People have affairs because of sexual attraction.

Truth:

The pull of an affair has much more to do with feeling cherished and adored by a new love.

Often they only see the positive aspects of a person and miss the flaws that the spouse recognizes.

Myth #4

Most affairs end in divorce.

The Truth: More than half of marriages affected by an affair remain in tact. Some couples even report that their relationship is more intimate, honest and meaningful after the affair. Such couples take important steps toward healing the relationship.

Myth #5

Affairs happen because marriages or unhappy.

Affairs can and do happen in good marriages. They are usually more about sliding across boundaries than they are about love, especially when the affair started out as a friendship that grew in intensity.

Myth #6

You should just forget the affair and get on with your marriage.

The Truth: This is a harmful attitude not only because it is next too impossible, but also because betrayed partners end up feeling additional pain and guilt for not "handling it right."

Myth #7

Affairs are usually just sexual in nature.

The Truth:

That was the most likely scenario in affairs of past decades. However, since the majority of modern day affairs tend to begin as work friendships which over time develop increasingly emotional intimacy, most affairs have an emotional component to them.

Myth: 8

Emotional Affairs (affairs where there has been no actual sexual involvement) are not really affairs.
The Truth:

Emotional affairs seem to create as much pain as affairs that have become sexual. This is true particularly if the betrayed spouse is a woman. Women experience more pain if their husband has had an affair that has involved emotional sharing than if it is just for sex. Men, on the other hand, tend to experience more pain if their wives have sexual affairs.

Myth #9

People have affairs because they are not getting enough sex in their marriage.

Truth:

It is usually the person who has the affair who is giving the least in the marriage. The spouse may actually be quite giving. The person who is least invested in the relationship is the one most at risk to stray.

Myth #10

The person who has an affair has no morals.

The Truth: More than 80% of marital partners who had an affair reported that they considered affairs wrong, and would never be the kind of person who would have an affair. They reported that they found themselves caught up in an emotional situation over which they then lost control. These days the beginnings of affairs may have more to do with sliding across boundaries than a calculated plan to deceive.

Barbara Calvi, M.S., L.M.F.T. is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice in Calabasas, California. She specializes in working with couples and with both couples and singles on affair recovery. You can subscribe to her relationship newsletter at her website: http://www.ShouldIstayorshouldIgocounseling.com or visit her relationship and affair recovery blogs at http://www.Beatthemarriageodds.typepad.com or http://Beatthemarriageodds.typepad.com/affairrecovery

Do you have a problem with compulsive gambling? There is help.

2010-06-13T20:52:00.000-04:00

Fast Facts

• More than 80 percent of U.S. adults have reportedly gambled at least once in the past year and have done so responsibly. Approximately one percent of adults (two million individuals), however, meet the criteria of a pathological gambler. Another 2 to 3 percent have less significant, yet serious, problems with their gambling. (1)

• One in three Minnesotans say they know someone with a gambling problem. (2)

• A major depressive disorder is likely to occur in 76 percent of pathological gamblers.(3)

• In a study of gamblers enrolled in a treatment program, 10 percent considered and formulated plans to commit suicide within six months of enrollment to treatment.(4)

• Nearly half of Minnesotans think people with lower incomes are more likely to develop a gambling problem. However, like alcohol and drug addiction, it crosses the entire economic spectrum. (2)

• Nine in 10 Minnesotans say they would feel comfortable talking to a friend or family member about a gambling problem. (2)

• Minnesota is one of 29 states that fund problem gambling programs. (5)

• Minnesota has a toll-free, 24-hour, seven-day-a-week, confidential Helpline providing information and referrals for problem gamblers and other concerned individuals: 1-800-333-HOPE begin_of_the_skype_highlighting 1-800-333-HOPE end_of_the_skype_highlighting.

• Eight in 10 Minnesotans do not know of a financial resource available to those who need problem gambling treatment but cannot afford to pay for it. However, the State of Minnesota will provide treatment if insurance does not cover it. (2)

• In 2006, 1,150 individuals received state-funded treatment from problem gambling treatment providers. (6)

• 93 treatment providers in 111 locations throughout the state are registered with the Minnesota Department of Human Services to provide outpatient treatment.

• Family members and/or significant others affected by negative consequences of problem gambling can access treatment and funding even if the gambler is unwilling to participate in treatment.

1) National Council on Problem Gambling, March 2003.

2) Minnesota Department of Human Services’ Consumer Study, 2002

3) Unwin, B.K.; Davis, M.K.; & Leeuw, J.B. “Pathological gambling,” American Family Physician, February 2000.

4) Moore, Thomas L., Ph.D. Gambling Treatment Programs Evaluation Update, 2002.

5) Association of Problem Gambling Service Administrators, 2007.

6) Minnesota Department of Human Services

Crescent Hill Counseling is alive and open for business

2010-04-16T18:58:00.000-04:00

Many of you know that I've been out of town for several weeks in late March, early April for the birth of my first grandchild. But I'm back now and open for business!

I love being a therapist and watching people change and grow, mature and accept themselves and their families as they are and not try to change others. Always a losing battle!

At the foundation of the therapy I do is the concept of self-esteem and the idea that we are good people who sometime make bad choices in behaviors and the people with whom we choose to associate. But we can make new choices every day and learn to separate the person from the behavior or deed.

The man in the picture above has been in the news a whole lot recently. He has been dealing with something called sex addiction. Is sex addiction real, you ask, or just an excuse for bad behavior? I believe that it is real because I have been treating sex addicts for almost 25 years. Often they are powerful, successful, intelligent people who began to feel "entitled" to indulging their impulses even though down deep they knew they were jeopardizing the lives of their families, they were jeopardizing their careers, and they were harming people that were involved with.

Most sex addiction starts very early as sex addicts often grow up in dysfunctional families were sex is either not talked about at all, or is talked about and acted out frequently. Many sex addicts tell me their families were either very, very religious or had no religion at all. As children they often grow up feeling scared and along. They learn to comfort themselves sexually and as they reach puberty and then adulthood, they naturally gravitate toward people who feel as they do. They often develop "double lives" as the man in the picture did.

If you or someone you know is struggling with internet pornography, repeated affairs, or visiting prostitues and strip bars, please give them my name and address. I can help and look forward to helping find solutions.

Adjusting to a New Baby in the Family

2010-03-28T00:37:00.000-04:00

As couples start building their family, all kinds of questions and concerns are raised. Do you remember how nervous you were with one baby on the way? Now with two, how is this going to change your life? How will you manage more than one child? Since most children are two or more years apart, in addition to the adjustments for the parents, there are also adjustments for the first-born child. You would not think that children this small notice or are affected, but they are!

As the parents, you can prepare for the challenges your child will face. First, ask your family and friends to bring a little $3.00 toy or book to present to your first-born at the hospital. In fact, buy a small bag of inexpensive things to take to the hospital so if people do not have one or if you are uncomfortable asking, you can hand them one at the hospital. While this may sound like you are spoiling your older child, you are not. It is helping to validate in the child's mind their value - that they have not been replaced.

Your oldest child is going to be taking everything in. The new baby will not have a clue that people came to visit or what gifts are being brought. This simple gesture to include your older child will keep them calm and not left out. When people come to the hospital or your home, ask them please to acknowledge your oldest child before the baby. Again, the baby will not remember a thing but the older child will. Too many times people walk right past a small child to coo over the new baby while the older child watches on. In their mind, just yesterday, you talked to them.

This does not mean that people have to go overboard and make their attention phony, but just a respect for the child who is aware to some degree of what is going on. More than likely, there will be an adjustment period for the child. The older child has been away from their mother for a couple of days or longer, and suddenly, mom walks in the door with another little person. Moms should pass the newborn to dad or another family member and go off with the oldest child to read a book or tell a story.

Children are much brighter than most adults will credit. By gradually, introducing the baby into the older child's life will make for a better adjustment. The child will carry this respect forward with them as they grow older and while they may not remember each little gift or every person who took a minute to talk to them before the baby, they will have gained a stronger sense of self. That little act will provide confidence in your child and let them know that they are important.

Do you think your teenager is using drugs?

2010-02-22T22:28:00.000-05:00

Dear Readers,

One of the populations that I work with is the teenage drug and alcohol abuser. By the time they get to me they have usually had some run-ins with both the court system and their school teachers, administrators. and definitely their families. I offer this assessment to you in case you are wondering whether or not your teenager might have a problem. If you feel that he or she does, please don't hesitate to call me Crescent Hill Counseling, 502-419-1698. Thanks!

Teen Drug Abuse Assessment

Read each question carefully and completely. Take as much time as you need to reflect on each question. This tool is of no help to you if you refuse to answer each question honestly. Answers are completely confidential. No personal information is requested and your answers are not saved. Remember, if you cheat, you're only cheating yourself.

Yes    No 1. Have you found drug paraphernalia or other evidence of drugs (such as pipes, rolling papers, eye drops, or butane lighters)?
Yes    No 2. Has the teen borrowed increasing amounts of money from you (the parents) or friends?
Yes    No 3. Does the teen steal?
Yes    No 4. Have you noticed abrupt changes in mood or attitude?
Yes    No 5. Have you noticed withdrawal, isolation, depression, or fatigue?
Yes    No 6. Has there been a sudden decline in attendance or performance at school or work?
Yes   No 7. Has there been sudden resistance to discipline at home or school?
Yes    No 8. Have there been more frequent or more intense temper outbursts?
Yes    No 9. Has the teen lost interest in hobbies or sports?
Yes    No 10. Have there been changes in the teen's eating or sleeping habits?
Yes    No 11. Is the teen hanging out with a new group of friends that you suspect may use drugs?
Yes    No 12. Is the teen more secretive about his/her actions or possessions?
Yes    No 13. Have you noticed a drastic change in the teen's appearance or has the teen lost interest in his/her appearance?
Yes    No 14. Does the teen have frequent headaches, nosebleeds, or other physical problems with no medical reason?
Yes    No 15. Do you sometimes smell chemicals or drugs?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Total 'Yes' 0 (out of 15 possible)

Interpretation Based on your answers, the teenager is probably not abusing drugs. Get help for your teen if you still feel there may be a problem with drug abuse.

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All calculators are made available as self-help tools for your independent use with results based on information provided by the user. All examples are hypothetical and are for illustrative purposes only. Calculated results are believed to be accurate but results are not guaranteed. Health and Parenting Assessments address subjects that may be of interest to the general public. These assesments should be used for education about medical conditions only and are not for providing medical diagnosis. Only a health care professional can diagnose and recommend treatment. Users are advised to promptly check with a physician if a medical condition exists or is suspected.

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Updated 05 Jul 2007

Looking for the Perfect Relationship?

2010-02-07T11:42:00.001-05:00

If you're looking for the perfect relationship, I have some bad news for you: there is no such thing! It is purely a figment of Hollywood and romantic fiction novelists. Bottom line? No individual is perfect therefore a perfect relationship isn't going to happen either! But forget about perfection anyway! Perfection doesn't exist in our world but people can definitely have wonderful, beautiful, awesome and extremely satisfying relationships!

Please watch this wisdom-filled video from my friend Abraham Hicks and let me know what you think!

Have a wonder-filled week!

Dealing with Toxic People in the Workplace

2010-01-28T09:05:00.001-05:00

We all know them; we all deal with them as best we can, but what do the experts say?

Anyone who’s ever worked in an office or served on a large, longstanding committee probably knows this scenario – when you find yourself getting overly aggravated, disrupted or distracted by an angry, dysfunctional fellow worker.

Check out this excellent advice from psychotherapist Phillip Chard, who suggests guided imagery. When having a reasonable conversation isn’t an option, going inward with guided imagery is the way to go:

Nancy works with an emotionally toxic person.

This individual has a talent for agitating her co-workers, a feat she accomplishes by being disrespectful, hypercritical and sarcastic.

"She verbally attacks people all the time, even in meetings, so everybody in our work group is intimidated by her," Nancy reported.

Management has turned a blind eye to the mess, leaving this woman's colleagues to fend for themselves.

And they've tried, albeit unsuccessfully.

"I've read books and gone to workshops on conflict management, and even worked with a personal coach, but I still get the same result - she doesn't change," Nancy lamented.

The conflict resolution methods Nancy utilized rely on saying things in a certain way, as if the right words, expressions and interactive tone will somehow transform Ms. Toxicity into a more respectful soul. Such rational methods can work on occasion.

However, because toxic people are driven by hostility and unconscious mental scripts, they require a different strategy, one that focuses less on changing an adversary's behavior and more on altering one's own while with him or her.

"You're trying to change how this woman behaves around you, but you may get further by changing your own behavior instead," I suggested.

The greatest power an emotionally toxic person wields is to influence the state of consciousness in someone else.

If such individuals can push your hot buttons and control your feelings and reactions, then they triumph.

"You've abdicated mastery of your own state of mind and behavior to this woman," I told Nancy. "Now, you need to take it back."

Just as one can train the body to acquire certain physical skills, the capacity to manage one's consciousness, including thoughts and feelings, can also be learned.

A variety of psychological disciplines can help, including guided imagery, mental rehearsal, role playing, the use of personal mantras and so on.

In Nancy's case, she chose guided imagery.

While with her toxic co-worker, she visualized an orb of light inside her body, one that expanded in size and intensity each time she inhaled - like inflating a balloon.

She thought of it as a kind of invisible force field of psychic energy surrounding her.

Inside this "sphere of energy," Nancy remained calm, grounded and insulated from Ms. Toxicity's mayhem.

And each time this adversary tried to unbalance her with a nasty remark or critical expression, Nancy simply focused on visualizing her "force field" and maintaining control of her inner state.

The result?

Unable to manipulate Nancy's consciousness, Ms. Toxicity gradually began treating her with greater respect.

Toxic types wield their power by disrupting your capacity to remain in charge of your emotions and state of mind.

By refusing to react on that person's terms, you regain your personal power and demonstrate that you are not going to play their game.

Because when it comes to toxic types, playing is futile.

Just say, "Game over."

This column appeared in the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel on Jan. 18, 2010.

20 Best Break Up Songs to Get Through Grieving: Music to Help Heal When a Relationship Ends

2010-01-10T08:43:00.005-05:00

Here's an interesting little article that I ran across this morning and thought you might enjoy! So many people go into therapy or counseling because of relationship break ups and there is definitely a lot of music that addresses breaking-up. In my day "Breaking Up is Hard to Do" by Neil Sedaka was a favorite.

Hope you enjoy this!

Jan 9, 2010 Sandra Williams

Here are several healing and sad break up songs that are divided into stages of grief.

Couples going through a break up usually go through the five stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance) until they come to the final stage, which is acceptance. It could take longer to get through the grieving process if it was a lengthy relationship or a bad break up.

Music helps many people cope when relationships end and for some reason they’re often compelled to listen to sad break up songs while mourning. Some of this music is angry and depressing, but there are songs that might actually lift the spirits of those going through break ups.

Angry Break Up Songs:

1.Bad Medicine – Bon Jovi: Bon Jovi seems to have found a formula for belting out rock ballad hits on a regular basis. This was a number one hit in 1988 that sees love as addictive.

2.Shut Up – Black Eyed Peas

3.You Oughta Know – Alanis Morissette

4.Walk – Pantera

5.Untouchable Face – Ani DiFranco

6.Love Stinks – J. Geils Band: Enough said.

Sad Break Up Songs:

7. Congratulations – Traveling Wilburys

8. And It Stoned Me – Van Morrison: Somehow people just know that this Irish singer has been there. Van Morrison is a brilliant songwriter who has a smooth smoky sound with a down to earth blues feel. He can laugh at hard times and is perfect for sad break up songs.

9. Last Day Of Our Acquaintance – Sinead O’Connor: Sinead could sing anything and make it sound sad, but this is a song about a marriage finally falling apart.

10. Trouble – Ray Lamontagne

Good Break Up Denial Songs:

11. End of The Road – Boys II Men

12. Can't Be Really Gone – Tim McGraw

Healing Music Good For The Acceptance Stage

13. With or Without You – U2

14. At This Point In My Life – Tracy Chapman

15. Two more Bottles of Wine – Emmylou Harris

16. Face Drop – Sean Kingston: This is a fun song by the adorable Jamaican singer and songwriter Sean Kingston. “Saying that I'd look better if I was thinner, but you know you should have loved me for my inner”, the husky singer croons.

17. Beyonce – Irreplaceable: Almost everyone knows what “to the left” means, thanks to Beyonce.

18. Let Him Fly – Dixie Chicks

19. I’m Still Standing – Elton John: Elton’s always good for an empowering break up song, and that’s probably because of his big heart. The fact that he’s bounced back from so much himself must add to his song writing skills.

20. I Don’t Care Anymore – Phil Collins: When Phil Collins belts out that he doesn’t care anymore, that’s pretty straightforward. However, much of this break up song list is open to interpretation.

Read more at Suite101: 20 Best Break Up Songs to Get Through Grieving: Music to Help Heal When a Relationship Ends http://popmusic.suite101.com/article.cfm/20_best_break_up_songs_to_get_through_grieving#ixzz0cDU4Z4Dp

Seven Tips for dealing with Seasonal Depression

2010-01-04T21:52:00.000-05:00

Starting around Halloween, therapists become overbooked, their schedules bursting at the seams with new appointments and people coming back for a “tune-up”, not feeling so hot all of a sudden.

So, this might be a good time to run some tips by you for dealing with depression during this vulnerable time for so many. And let me just say at the outset that I really do understand that depression, by definition, drains your energy, motivation and sense of hope and efficacy, so you’re not exactly in the mood to follow tips. I get that. Try to do a little of this and that anyway. If you keep at it, the gains can become cumulative and effective over time. Okay, here goes:

1.Seek emotional support from the relationships likely to deliver the goods. That means sharing how you feel with trusted family or friends; making yourself show up for a social activity; emailing somebody; picking up the phone; joining a support group.. you get the picture. Structured social activity is your friend here.

2.Get exercise – it’s a natural anti-depressant. You won’t feel like it if you’re depressed, but go for a walk or get to the gym anyway. And while you’re at it, get your daily dose of sunlight, too, assuming you’re not in the Land of the Midnight Sun or, um, Cleveland. (Sorry, Cleveland! It’s actually exceptionally gorgeous and sunny here lately, with stunning foliage, so that was a cheap shot…. Must be accumulated resentment from too many gray Novembers, I guess.)

3.Try to normalize your sleep pattern – if you’re depressed, you’re likely to be sleeping too little or too much or both. Get to bed at a decent hour and don’t sleep in too long.

4.Eat healthy, mood-boosting foods. This includes complex carbs, vitamin B, chromium and foods rich in Omega 3 fatty acids (salmon, nuts, flax oil, etc). And, for heavens sake, ditch the refined sugar, people! You’ll get a quick boost, followed by a plummeting mood, and that’s a promise. Excessive caffeine isn’t so great for you either.

5.Figure out what works as your uplift tools: listening to guided imagery or your favorite music; getting out in nature; journaling; a taste of dark chocolate; working with your favorite yoga DVD; playing with the dog; taking a hot, aromatherapy bath; getting a massage; watching a goofy movie… whatever does it for you.

6.Be intentionally kind to yourself. Plan with your well-being in mind. Avoid stressful encounters and assignments when possible. Talk nicely and encouragingly to yourself. Watch for when negative self-talk or impossibly high standards start harassing you from the inside and tell that part of your brain to just knock it off.

7.Get professional help if you can’t activate these strategies. You may need a kick-start from some medication and/or more structured care from a pro.

And do check out the research which shows that short term Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) can alleviate this condition, even more than light therapy, and that for many, results stick through the following year.

(written by Belleruth Naparstek, http://www.belleruthnaparstek.com/)

How's your serenity level this week?

2009-12-22T10:38:00.000-05:00

I hope you're having a joyful and calm Christmas week! One of the best techniques I know for calm and serenity involves having a short phrase or even a single word that you repeat to yourself when you're feeling stress or anxiety rising within. I found this short little article that I wanted to share with you. You can also get some Christmas Tranquility here!
Finding a meaningful mantra is one of the best ways to show yourself some support. It's a tool that can instantly connect you to your best self — no matter what the world throws at you — and provide inspiration and comfort. Choose a word, a phrase, or even a lyric from a song that suggests what you want in life. It could be something like "I choose love," or even just a word, like peace. Allow the phrase or word to run through your mind, and practice saying it when you wake up or before you go to bed at night. Eventually, it will become automatic and will always be there for you when you need it.

Is Santa coming to see YOU??

2009-12-18T18:41:00.000-05:00

"Children now love luxury; they have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for elders and love chatter in place of exercise. children are now tyrants, not the servants of their households. They no longer rise when elders enter the room. They contradict their parents, and tyrannize their teachers...." --Socrates, 500 BC (!)

When I was little, my parents definitely tried to use the threat of Santa seeing me when I was sleeping and knowing when I'd been good or bad. I'll admit, I was not a perfect child and so I worried quite a bit about what Santa might or might not bring me. Usually I got pretty much what I expected but I did worry a lot about it!

On top of that, my mother warned us of a creature called "Bellsnickle" that would come and take all of your toys back on New Year's Eve if you didn't share your toys with your siblings and friends...again, more cause for worry and concern.

Judging my the quote at the beginning of this post, parents and adults in general have been concerned about children's deteriorating behavior for a long, long time and yet...I do believe that most children are doing the best they can and are often very confused about what is right and what is wrong, based on what the adults around them are doing. Did you ever the hear the phrase "do as I say and not as I do!"? I did and I remember that I didn't particularly like it.

The best thing you can do to encourage good behavior in your kids is to model that behavior for them. Demonstrate over and over politeness, courtesy, compassion, honesty, gratitude and forgiveness. These are the lessons that we all need to model, practice and re-learn over and over. If you do this, Santa will definitely come to see you next Thursday night!

Christmas is Coming, the Goose is getting fat...

2009-12-10T23:35:00.007-05:00

One of the earliest Christmas carols I remember said:

1. Christmas is coming, the goose is getting fat;
Please to put a penny in the old man's hat,
Please to put a penny in the old man's hat.

2. If you haven't got a penny, a haypenny will do;
If you haven't got a haypenny, well God bless you,
If you haven't got a haypenny, well God bless you.

The "goose" is not the only one who gets fat during Christmas-time. The average person gains up to seven to ten pounds every holiday season, while some studies show that is it closer to one to two pounds. Whatever study you subscribe to, it is your own personal reality that really counts. The real issue is whether we ever lose those extra pounds or do we just keep adding weight on each year, making us fatter, unhealthy and frustrated?

Since the holidays are a time for parties, gourmet dinners and other festive events surrounding food, cookies, candy and alcohol, it means that we increase our caloric intake quite substantially––usually empty calories (void of nutritional value) that are full of fat, sugar, sodium and white flour. Moreover, we tend to throw discipline out the chimney, neglecting exercise and other important dietary regulations.

There's no getting around it, those extra holiday calories, especially carbohydrates, added sodium, excessive alcohol consumption, as well as other variables will put more weight on your body. But there is some good news here: those extra pounds might not be all fat. Holiday weight gain may stem from glycogen storage and/or water weight, which can cause you to think you are getting fat.

Because there are 3500 calories in a pound of fat, you would need to consume 3500 calories over and above your metabolic rate and activity level in order to gain that pound of fat and vise versa; 3500 calories to lose a pound of fat. Although it is more complex than that, this tidbit of information is timely and should give you a little peace in regards to your holiday eating habits.

Don't get too jolly yet; when you consume excessive amount of calories (food and liquid) over an extended period of time you will get fat. And poor eating habits will mess with your health especially if you are obese, have high cholesterol, high blood pressure, diabetes, or any other health predicament.

As a fitness expert for over 29 years, it has become somewhat futile to place weight-loss in a News Year’s resolution list, so I’m proposing a different strategy this year: a preemptive attack against "holiday fat". You don’t have to start your new year with the goal of losing the weight that you had planned on losing last year plus the ten pounds you just gained over the holiday season.

The simplest thing you can do over the holidays is to increase your water intake, especially if you are drinking alcohol. The health benefits of water are already well known, but did you know it has a profound impact on weight loss? Most of us retain water because we do not drink enough water. We even mistake thirst for hunger, so we eat more instead of drinking water. Don’t wait until you are thirsty to drink water, start early in the day and make sure you have access to water all day long. Keep in mind, dehydration not only has health consequences but also affects our mood and can make us lethargic, making it impossible to function, exercise and shop.

Did you "survive" the Thanksgiving holiday?

2009-11-30T13:39:00.004-05:00

Getting through the everyday routine is stressful enough, but the holidays can definitely turn it up a notch. After Thanksgiving and Black Friday holiday schedules kick into high gear with holiday shopping, parties, and family get-togethers. To make it through without blowing a fuse (or your budget), here are some tips to stay fit and healthy, both in body and mind:

1. Take a Step Back

Remember that the holidays are about sharing time with loved ones and, for many, celebrating your faith. Don’t let a long to-do list or gift shopping prevent you from making the most of the season. Make a promise to enjoy all that is wonderful about this time of year.

2. Stay Active

The holidays bring fat-laden and sugary temptations galore, from the hearty buffet tables at parties to the seasonal Hershey Kiss-filled candy jars at work. Increasing your calorie intake will translate to added weight. Stay extra active by taking a walk during your lunch hour, parking your car far away from the store entrance when you’re out shopping, or taking the stairs at the mall instead of the elevators. Make sure you are at least as active as you regularly are. Be creative—play a few rounds of charades after dinner with your family.

3. Stick to a Schedule

Keep track of all your obligations in your planner or your Google Calendar. Schedule appointments with yourself to research or purchase holiday gifts. Set a budget and make a list of gifts you plan to purchase and compare prices online to find out where the best deals are. This will not only prevent last-minute impulse shopping, but will also keep your checkbook under control (and will keep the post-holiday stress at bay!).

4. Plan Your Calories

There are plenty of healthy recipe options for big family dinners. Planning ahead and checking out different resources, whether in cookbooks or on the Internet, will help you make the best choices for your waistline.

5. Give Back

Give toys to a collection drive, or donate canned foods to the local food bank, which are facing an increasing need during the holidays. Doing something extra for others is a good reminder to ourselves of all we’ve been blessed with, and sometimes that’s all we need to keep a bit of perspective during the holiday season.

What are you doing to stay stress-free this holiday season?

By Mitzi Dulan, RD, CSSD

How will you handle the "Eating Season?

2009-11-13T23:46:00.002-05:00

We are now a couple of weeks into what I like to call the “Eating Season”. It starts off with that creepy yet sugary holiday Halloween. Where we buy bags and bags of candy to give away to soon to be obese children but end up eating most of it ourselves. It then picks up steam as we move closer to the crown jewel of gluttony Thanksgiving. Things really get rolling to what must be a spandex chimney on December 25th. And just as soon as we almost get the table cleared from that we then must celebrate the end of one year and the beginning of what we hope to be a better one. We make those New Year's resolutions then we are once again attacked buy a celebration that has to be number by the Romans, The Super bowl. This is our last excuse for sweat pants and elastic waist bands. So in defense of all of that I have put together a list to help me and maybe others fight off the beast. “Happy Holidays and a Healthy New Year!”

50 ways to lose your blubber
1. Schedule your workouts
2. Drink more water
3. Watch your carb intake
4. Walk more
5. Go to the gym
6. Reward yourself without food
7. Don’t shop for comfort
8. Eat 5 small meals a day
9. Give up cheese
10. Make meals a special time
11. Read diet or fitness magazines
12. Join Weight Watchers
13. Have a weight goal
14. Associate with thin people
15. Exercise 6 days a week
16. Get a fitness partner
17. Keep records of weight and exercise
18. Don’t have a sugar bowl
19. Don’t be afraid to throw food away
20. Only eat ½ your meal
21. Watch less television
22. Picture yourself thin
23. Lift weights
24. Mix up your exercise routine
25. Buy less food
26. Eat at home
27. Take your measurements
28. Take vitamins
29. Burn more calories
30. Have a stationary bike at home and use it
31. “Eat mor chikin”
32. Workout in the morning
33. Eat oatmeal for breakfast
34. Get a personal trainer
35. Sign up for a boot camp
36. Vary your workout plan
37. Take an exercise day off
38. Eat more fish
39. Don’t eat anything white
40. If it taste good spit it out
41. Sign up for a race
42. Breathe
43. Get at least 8 hours of sleep
44. Weigh every day
45. Buy some good running shoes
46. Buy some new workout clothes
47. Have your body fat measured
48. Shop with a list
49. Make a weekly menu
50. Remember sweat will not kill you.

Is there a "right way" to grieve?

2009-11-01T23:02:00.002-05:00

Let me answer that immediately: There is no one "right way" to grieve. Losses are inevitable and are ever present in all lives. Death is universal. Grief is universal. We all must cope with bereavement at some stage in our lives. Even though death can be separated into two categories, long-term illness and sudden death, all death is sudden.
The finality of death brings to those left behind a tremendous amount of emotional pain. Grief is not something abnormal; rather, it is a normal and inevitable step in our journey through life. Two simple definitions of grief are
1) the conflicting feelings caused by the end of or change in a familiar pattern or behavior.
2) a normal, natural and painful emotional reaction to loss. We can grieve not only for the passing of a human life, but also for the death of a relationship (divorce) or we can suffer the same emotional reactions over the loss of a beloved pet. Grieving is difficult because it involved many intense feelings – love, sadness, fear, anger, relief, compassion, hate, or happiness to name a few.
Not everyone experiences all of these feelings but many in the grieving process experience several of them at the same time. The feelings are intense, disorganizing and can be long lasting. Grieving often feels has been described as drowning in a sea of painful emotions.

Grieving is difficult work. The following are some suggestion to help in navigating the journey through grief.

-Take time. Don’t let others rush you into “getting over” your feelings.

-Don’t make major decisions. The time of grief is a time of instability.

-Avoid the temptation to use alcohol or drugs to numb the painful feelings.

-Cry. Tears are the healthiest expression of grief. Don’t try to hold back crying for the sake of others.

-Know that there will be good days and bad days. Pangs of intense grief can surface during holidays, significant events such as birthdays or anniversaries.

-Remember the loved one often and as much as you need to. Look at photographs, read old letters and retell your memories to friends and other members of the family.

-Seek people who will understand your need to talk about what happened. Seek out people who will really listen to your remembrances.

-Allow yourself time to heal. Pay attention to your health. Make sure you are getting enough sleep. Eat a healthy diet. Get outside in the sunshine for exercise
or a mild walk.

-Ask for what you need from others. Accept what help they offer. Now is not the time to try to do everything by yourself.

-Seek out grief counseling if you feel you cannot cope alone. Grief counseling is available through community resources, churches and licensed therapists. Join a grief support group. Local community papers will usually have listings. Use the Internet and join an electronic bulletin board dedicated to supporting individuals who have lost loved ones.

-Remember your grief is individual to you. Not everyone’s grief is identical to yours. You will share some similarities with others, but grieving is a very personal and very individual process.

How do eating disorders get started?

2009-10-18T22:24:00.003-04:00

The start of eating disorders really comes from a variety of factors. While the skinny models of the 1990s are perhaps the origin of a new era of self-conscious, thin-is-in youth, that is not the whole picture. If the public as a whole didn't adopt the idea of thin as ideal beauty, the number of eating disorders we see today probably would be a lot fewer. The following are some different factors that really led to the start of eating disorders in a contemporary setting.

Looks Over Talent

While not all celebrities are exceedingly attractive, almost every one of them is thin. While there are always exceptions, the majority of people who want to succeed in show business, modeling, or popular music are pressured to be thin. In many cases, there are probably plenty of other people out there who are as talented, or even more talented, when compared to the famous actors and musicians out there. The main difference is, only the people with the good looks got the job. Consider all of the instances of very attractive pop singers who rely on the studio to make their voice sound good. They aren't hired to be the most original songwriter or the best singer--they're hired to look good on the album cover and in the music videos.

Peer Pressure and Put Downs

You probably knew that one kid that everyone made fun of or tried to avoid. Maybe that kid was overweight, or had weird clothes, or smelled bad. The moral of the story is, how other people treat you is one of the most important influences you have. If you were abused or made fun of when you were younger, you're more likely to want to find a way to avoid being ridiculed ever again. If that means an eating disorder, some people are still willing to suffer rather than be teased. More than just put downs, peer pressure can be a huge factor. Girls are fiercely competitive, and if they see someone that they think looks better, they can get it in their head that they have to look like her. Sometimes, a bad relationship or abusive boyfriend/girlfriend can nudge someone into having an eating disorder.

Family Troubles

A huge number of people who develop an eating disorder had some sort of trouble in the family when they were growing up. It could have been a divorce, abuse from a parent or sibling, neglect, a lack of support or need for attention, etc. In addition, when parents aren't as involved with their children's lives, the children almost always to turn to the media and their own peers as a source of information. Without the critical role of parents in their lives, many children grow up with a skewed view of what is important and what is normal.

The start of eating disorders might come from your home growing up, the influence of pop culture and the media over today's youth and adults, or even a few cruel words from a peer. Whatever the reason, know that eating disorders are not the answer, and if you know someone who is struggling, make sure that they get some help .

Emile Jarreau, aka, Mr. Fat Loss is fascinated by health, nutrition and weight loss. For more great info about eating disorder for losing weight and keeping it off visit http://www.MrFatLoss.com

Positive thoughts to start your day!

2009-10-13T18:55:00.006-04:00

I don't normally send out two posts, two days in a row but I thought this one was particularly good! Hope you think so too!

Alice

'Be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.'
A sharp tongue can cut your own throat.
If you want your dreams to come true, you mustn't oversleep.

Of all the things you wear, your expression is the most important.

The best vitamin for making friends...... B1.

The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts.

The heaviest thing you can carry is a grudge.

One thing you can give and still keep.....is your word.

You lie the loudest when you lie to yourself
If you lack the courage to start, you have already finished.
One thing you can't recycle is wasted time.
Ideas won't work unless ' You' do.

Your mind is like a parachute...it functions only when open..

The 10 commandments are not a multiple choice.

The pursuit of happiness is the chase of a lifetime! It is never too late to become what you might have been.

Life is too short to wake up with regrets. So love the people who treat you right.. Forget about the one's who don't. Believe everything happens for a reason. If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.

Friends are like balloons; once you let them go, you might not get them back. Sometimes we get so busy with our own lives and problems that we may not even notice that we've let them fly away. Sometimes we are so caught up in who's right and who's wrong that we forget what's right and wrong. Sometimes we just don't realize what real friendship means until it is too late. I don't want to let that happen so I'm gonna tie you to my heart so I never lose you.

Send this to all your friends including me and see how many you get back. Even send it to your balloons that you think have flown away forever. You may be surprised to see it return. Send this heart to everybody you love and like and that have touched your life in a positive way.

Your emotional health

2009-10-12T10:14:00.001-04:00

A friend sent this to me this morning and I thought I would share it with my friends and clients! I'd love to know what you think!

Emotional Addictions

Everyone has their own set of unconscious programs in which they automatically respond to the events in their lives.

Look at your life and ask yourself what emotion or behavior you might be addicted to. Are you attached to drama? Are you playing out a victim or martyr role? Are you attached to a state of mind in which nothing works? Are you holding on to financial limitations?

Observe without judgment everything in your reality. Take one aspect of your life and look at the pattern from the intention of understanding and releasing. Ask yourself if there was an emotional addiction what would it be? Know that in the asking the answer will be revealed.

Once you have observed your dysfunctional addictions, it is now a matter of intention and celebration to shift that pattern at every opportunity. It becomes a playful conscious game of discovery and expansion. We are in a time of great accelerating transformation in which these automatic responses can be discovered, disconnected and deleted.

All multidimensional humans are being invited into the awareness of who they are and the service they offer from their most magnificent self.

Observe the challenges being attracted into your life. These challenges are your greatest gift, for they hold the key, the puzzle piece, to your dysfunctional programs and patterns. With clear intent and gentle observation of ego self notice and recognize the limiting patterns. Is it your health, wealth, happiness or joy that you are limiting?

Be kind with this search. Ask assistance from your multidimensional awareness; know you are being supported in the clearing of these limitations and the restoring of your true cosmic magnificence.

You are one with the energy fabric of humanity and the universe. When you heal or transform some energy pattern in your circuits, this transformation is available to the entire matrix. You are a transformer.

It's all about "Resiliancy"

2009-10-01T16:09:00.002-04:00

Did you ever notice that there are some people
that seem to live in the "flow?" They seem to
attract money, great opportunities and display
unwavering confidence in themselves at all times.

This is not an accident or sheer luck.

These people have learned how to conquer limiting
beliefs that hold back most others.

One small limiting belief will keep you paralyzed
in fear. And this fear will keep you from taking
action and moving forward in your life.

OR, you can take inspired action and learn how to
conquer limiting beliefs, once and for all, and
attract miracles in your life. (Which I'll show
you how to do in a minute.)

First, let's see if you have any limiting beliefs
and then I'll show you an effective technique to
help conquer them.

If you say of any of the following things to
yourself, you have at least one limiting belief...

- "I'll never lose this weight."
- "I cannot be cured of this disease."
- "I'll never be wealthy or financially free."
- "I'm not smart enough."
- "My relationship is over, so why bother trying
to fix it."
- "Who am I to think I can be successful.
Nobody in my family is."
- "I'm afraid to switch jobs. What if it
doesn't work out?"
- "Why should I try?"
- "I'm a big loser."
- "Nobody will ever love me."
- "I'm not attractive."
- "My (wife/husband) does not love me anymore."
- "I can't afford it."
- "Investments are for rich people."
- "I'm too old to go back to school."
- "I have no business experience, so I'm sure to
fail."
- "I cannot afford to invest in anything. I'll
probably lose it all."
- "I'm too young, nobody will take me
seriously."

Do any of these seem familiar?

Heck, you may have many more limiting beliefs.
It's very important to be honest with yourself
about this. (And believe me - you're not alone.)

Now...I want to teach you a clearing method that
conquers limiting beliefs called "The Vital
Message."

Here's what you do...

1. Write down any ailments, feelings, or other
discomforts you are experiencing.

2. If you have a pain, ailment, or feeling, you
do not like...welcome it. Then write down a
description of it. How deep is it? What color
is it? How intense is it? Really feel it and get
in touch with it.

3. Ask the feeling what it is trying to tell you.
Just pretend you can hear an answer. Go with it.
You'll be surprised what it will tell you. Then
write it down. This alone is liberating.

4. Take any action steps that the feeling may
request of you, and write down your experience and
insights. In time, this will clear your limiting
belief.

Repeat this for each limiting belief. Keep in
mind that this takes practice. If you take
inspired action and persist, it will work for you.

Many people, in fact hundreds, since the original
program began, have gone on to conquer limiting
beliefs enabling them to attract their own
miracles.

Some are attracting new cars, homes, new found
happiness, and better health - while others are
experiencing weight loss, quitting smoking,
starting a new business, getting over traumatic
memories, and even finding their soul mate.

All these people followed a proven system, that
works consistently, day after day, year after
year. This process is built around conquering
limiting beliefs.

In fact, once you learn this process - it keeps
right on working for you.

(from an email I received from Dr. Joe Vitale

Coping with the loss of a parent

2009-09-18T22:23:00.004-04:00

Recently, I've known so many friends and clients who have lost a parent. Even when you know it's coming, the death of a parent can be a very shocking and life-changing experience. Suddenly the person that you turned to for their wisdom and their advice is no longer available. Suddenly you may find yourself the oldest generation of the family.

Oftentime, people neglect themselves during this time because they are focused on the loved one. With that in mind, I offer these suggestions from Dyer K. 2002. How to Cope with Loss, Grief, Death & Dying
1.Take it one hour at a time, one day at a time.

2.In as much as possible maintain a normal routine. Keep doing your regular activities.

3.Get enough sleep or at least enough rest.

4.Regular exercise, even just walking, helps to relieve stress, tension and improve a person's overall mood.

5.Eat a balanced healthy diet with plenty of water. This will help your body keep functioning during the time of added stress. Limit the high calorie and junk "comfort" foods.

6.Avoid using alcohol, medications or other drugs to mask the pain.

7.Do those things and be with the people who nurture, comfort and recharge you.

8.Talk to or interact with others (inperson or online groups), especially those who have lived through and survived similar experiences. They may provide valuable insights for coping.

9.Do something creative--writing, journaling, gardening, painting, woodworking, building, photography--to express the intense feelings.

10.Remember the coping strategies used to survive past challenges. Draw upon these inner strengths again.

Don't get stuck in past or future

2009-09-07T12:16:00.002-04:00

Oftentimes clients come in and report the same past hurts over and over. They know that they are stuck in the past and that the past can't be changed, but they go back over and over to re-visit these hurts, slights, tragedies, etc.

Then there are those that are immobilized because of things that "might happen" next week, tomorrow or even later today. Still, it's the future.

The reality is that life happens in the present and that's the only thing we can really do anything about. Do YOU have trouble staying in the present? A technique to become present, according to Lea Cordon, is to "Picture 2 boxes in your head, one for the past and one for the future. Concentrate on inhaling and exhaling deeply. If thoughts come to your mind sort them into one of the 2 boxes until your mind feels quiet and at peace."

Where will YOU spend this Labor Day?? Have a good one!

Learning to Dance in the Rain

2009-09-04T12:52:00.004-04:00

Do you know what a blessing it is to be able to choose your attitude? We can't change other people, places or things, but can change how we react to things. Watch this little video and tell me what you think!

http://www.danceintherainmovie.com/. I think it's excellent!

Have a wonderful Labor Day holiday!

Alice

Learning to be patient: your day will go better!

2009-08-30T21:48:00.006-04:00

Could you use some more patience? We live in an impatient society and it takes a toll on everyone. Try these steps and try to be patient with YOURSELF!

1.Try to figure out why you're in such a hurry. We tend to lose our patience when we're multi-tasking or when we're on a tight schedule. If you're stretching yourself too thin, you should reconsider your to-do list before you attempt to change your natural reaction to an overwhelming situation. Try to spread out your tasks so that you're doing only one thing at a time. Delegate responsibilities to others if you can; this in itself may be a test of your patience, but you have to learn to share the load.

2.Pinpoint the triggers that often make you lose your patience. Impatience creeps in insidiously, and if you feel anxious, worried, or unhappy you may not even realize that the underlying cause of these feelings is impatience. To reduce the frequency of impatience, it helps to be aware of it. Which events, people, phrases or circumstances always seem to make you lose your cool? Sit down and make a list of all the things which cause you anxiety, tension, or frustration. At the core of most triggers is a reality that we have a hard time accepting. What are those realities for you?

3.Overcome bouts of impatience. In the long run, developing patience requires a change in your attitude about life, but you can immediately make progress by learning to relax whenever you feel impatient. Take a few deep breaths and just try to clear your mind. Concentrate on breathing and you'll be able to get your bearings.

4.Look for patterns. Being aware of your impatience also gives you a chance to learn from it and perhaps uncover a relationship or circumstance that is simply not healthy or constructive, and that you may have the power to change. Figure that out, and you can then think logically about the problem issue and decide whether or not your impatience is warranted or helpful. It usually isn't, but when it is you can then figure out ways to fix the root problem rather than simply feeling stressed about it.

5.Let go if you can't do anything about the impatience trigger. If there isn't anything that you can do to resolve whatever has triggered your impatience, just let it go. Easier said than done, yes, but it's possible, and it's the only healthy thing to do. Initially, you will probably find it difficult to let go if the matter is important to you--waiting to hear back after a job interview, for instance--but you should be able to alleviate impatience that's caused by issues of less consequence (i.e. waiting in line at the grocery store). If you make a concerted effort to be more patient in relatively inconsequential, short-term situations, you'll gradually develop the strength to remain patient in even the most trying and enduring situations.

6.Remind yourself that things take time. People who are impatient are people who insist on getting things done now and don't like to waste time. However, some things just can't be rushed. Think about your happiest memories. Chances are, they were instances when your patience paid off, like when you worked steadily towards a goal that wasn't immediately gratifying, or took a little extra time to spend leisurely with a loved one. Would you have those memories if you had been impatient? Probably not. Almost anything really good in life takes time and dedication, and if you're impatient, you're more likely to give up on relationships, goals, and other things that are important to you. Good things may not always come to those who wait, but most good things that do come don't come right away.

7.Expect the unexpected. Yes, you have plans, but things don't always work out as planned. Accept the twist and turns in life gracefully. Keep your expectations realistic. This applies not only to circumstances, but also the behavior of those around you. If you find yourself blowing up over your child or your spouse accidentally spilling a drink, you're not in touch with the fact that people aren't perfect. Even if the occasion is not an isolated incident but is instead caused by their repeated neglect and carelessness, losing your patience isn't going to make it any better. That's something to be addressed with discussion and self-control.

8.Give yourself a break. The meaning of this is twofold. First, take a few minutes to do absolutely nothing. Just sit quietly and think. Don't watch television; don't even read. Do nothing. It may be hard at first, and you may even feel pretty impatient after a minute or two, but by taking some time out you can essentially slow your world down, and that's important to develop the attitude necessary to develop patience. Second, stop holding yourself and the world around you to unreachable standards. Sure, we'd all be more patient if babies didn't cry, dishes didn't break, computers didn't crash, and people didn't make mistakes--but that's never going to happen. Expecting the world to run smoothly is like beating your head against the wall. Give yourself a break.

9.Remember what matters. Not focusing on what matters most in this life fuels impatience. Move the world toward peace by being kind, generous in forgiveness of others, being grateful for what is, and taking full advantage of what matters most. When other less important things fuel our impatience, taking time to remember any one of these items reduces our tendency to want something different right now.

Tips for Dealing with Back-to-School Anxiety

2009-08-16T21:31:00.002-04:00

The countdown to the start of the school year has begun. And while most kids aren’t exactly looking forward to it, some kids are truly dreading the return to the classroom.

Anxiety over making new friends, being in a new school, facing bullies, feeling “uncool” or coping with academic pressure can make even a well-adjusted child anxious. And that anxiety or fear can build up in a child’s mind, leading them to act on it in many ways — from tummy aches and sleep problems to out-and-out refusal to go to school — says a University of Michigan Health System child psychologist.

Fortunately, there’s still time to do something about it. Parents can start now, in the summer, to help kids face their fears and calm their worries, says Michelle Kees, Ph.D.

Most kids can overcome their fears with the help of a parent, she says. But for children who show signs of anxiety over a longer period, or intense fears, parents shouldn’t hesitate to seek professional help from someone trained to help children and teens with anxiety problems and other mental health issues. As many as 5 percent of children have expressed some sort of prolonged “school refusal,” experts estimate.

Fear of school can also have its roots in other situations — such as stressful home events, learning problems or bullying — that need prompt attention. And serious untreated anxiety in childhood can put a child at risk for problems later in life.

“Going back to school can be a very exciting time for children, or it can be a time of great anxiety, apprehension and uncertainty,” says Kees, a clinical assistant professor of psychiatry, who treats children with anxiety disorders through the U-M Child & Adolescent Psychiatry clinic. “With any change that we experience in our lives, natural emotions such as anxiety can emerge. For children, this becomes more pronounced because every year they have this new experience of returning to school or starting at a new school.”

If kids and parents don’t deal with the anxiety and its causes, Kees says, “it can get out of control very easily. Often times, it’s a vicious cycle where a child will feel anxious about going to school, the parent will feel badly for the child, and allow them to stay home. The next day, it becomes even more difficult for that child to go to school.”

So, no matter what, parents shouldn’t let anxiety keep kids away from school, she says. Talk to school counselors and teachers, and mental health professionals if need be, to figure out what might be done. And most important of all, work hard to talk openly with your child about what’s worrying them, and how they might deal with it.

Depending on your child’s age, different things might be causing them to worry, and different techniques might be able to ease their back-to-school fears, Kees explains. She offers this advice:

Kindergarten and elementary school children
Parents of young kids often have a lump in their throat as they send their child off for the first day of kindergarten or first grade. Kids can pick up on that nervousness, says Kees, making their own worries even more intense. Months of buildup to the start of school, talking about it as a big event in the child’s young life, can also make a child anxious.

“Young kids who are anxious might avoid talking about going to school, or about school supplies, or about going to get their new school supplies,” says Kees. “Parents should begin early by opening a line of communication even with young children about school experiences and expectations, and about a child’s thoughts and feelings about school. Help children connect with their school by visiting it before school starts, especially if it’s a school they haven’t attended before.”

Shopping together for school supplies, and using the shopping trip as a time to talk about what to expect at school, can be a healthy way to keep a child talking. Parents should also try to connect their child with future classmates. “If a child knows someone who is going to be in the same classroom, that can greatly reduce their apprehension and fear of the unknown,” says Kees.

What if the first week of school arrives and a child still doesn’t want to go to school? He or she might not say it directly, but rather claim to have a tummy ache, a sore throat or a headache that quickly disappears once it’s decided to keep him or her home from school. Kids might hide when it’s time to get ready to go to school, or throw temper tantrums. Anxiety can also cause a child to have trouble sleeping or have nightmares while they’re sleeping. Little ones especially may become very clingy, and not want to leave a parent’s side – especially if they aren’t used to being away from parents during the day.

All of these signs of anxiety may end soon after the start of school. But if they continue for several weeks, Kees recommends that parents talk to a school professional or mental health counselor.

Middle school children
Making the transition from a small elementary school to a bigger middle school with different classes and more difficult work can be a big hurdle for some pre-teens. This age also comes with the added issue of meeting new children and facing social pressures about clothes, appearance and other things.

“For parents, recognizing anxiety in middle-school children can sometimes be difficult. This is the age when friends start to become more important than parents in a child’s view, and they may not share their feelings with you,” says Kees. “Possible indicators include coming up with excuses for not riding the bus or staying at planned school activities, or any behavior that involves avoiding going to school.”

Children who withdraw from friends or family, seem sad or less energetic, or just “aren’t themselves” may be experiencing issues about going to school or something more serious such as depression.

“If parents notice a dramatic change in their child’s attitude about school, their level of enjoyment or interest, as well as their performance, this is a red flag that something might be going on that should be addressed,” Kees explains. Parents can start by talking with their child’s teacher or school counselor, and perhaps seek advice from a mental health professional in the community.

High school students
Health Minute ImageBy the time they reach high school, kids face a growing amount of responsibility at school, including pressure to fit in, and to do well academically in order to prepare for college or technical school. This is also the time of a young person’s life when they develop their own identity and the self-confidence needed to be independent.

Starting high school comes with a whole range of anxieties, says Kees. “The fear of starting high school and thinking, ‘Where do I fit in, what will people think of me, and will there be peer pressure to do things I don’t want to do,’ can be quite overwhelming as a freshman, or even later,” she says.

Teens tend to talk with their friends rather than their parents when something is bothering them, says Kees, and if their parents ask if something’s wrong, they may deny it. But parents can try to keep the lines of communication open by talking to teens about their friends, about their interests and activities, and anything else that might help a teen “open up” and say if something’s on their mind. Teens with anxiety issues may also have frequent headaches, dizziness, nausea and muscle aches that don’t seem to have any cause, or may have trouble sleeping.

Anxiety and depression can go hand-in-hand in teens, and the late teen years are a peak time for depression to begin. Parents should keep an eye out for major changes in their teen’s behavior and attitudes, loss of interest in things that once held their attention, large drops in their grades, aggression or irritability, or withdrawal from friends and family. These kinds of signs can signal a more serious problem that will need professional help to address.

When anxiety about school “masks” something else
Kids of any age who don’t want to go to school, or avoid it, may be doing so because of a specific issue beyond general anxiety, worry or depression, Kees notes.

“Children who are bullied or teased often become anxious about going to school, and if the problem is not addressed, the anxiety will continue along with a host of other problems,” she says. “Similarly, children who are avoiding school may be doing so because school is hard for them — school anxiety many times emerges just before a child is diagnosed with a learning difficulty.”

The bottom line, she says, is for parents to reach out to their kids and talk honestly about what’s going on. And, if problems persist, reach out for help — through the school, the child’s doctor or nurse, or a mental health professional.

source: http://www.med.umich.edu/opm/newspage/2006/hmschoolanxiety.htm

Facebook | Alice H. Cash

2009-08-16T13:32:00.000-04:00

Facebook Alice H. Cash

Hurt people, hurt people: Tips on Anger Management

2009-08-12T12:18:00.001-04:00

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"Hurt people, hurt people." In other words, people who hurt others with their actions and words are people who are hurting inside themselves! When someone lashes out at another person, they are expressing their hurt in a destructive and irresponsible manner. Feelings of hurt and pain are normal parts of everyday life. Therefore, it is important to find solutions to our problems that are constructive and responsible in order to enjoy the pleasures that life has to offer, as well.

Feelings never tell us what to do. They only tell us that something requires our attention. So negative feelings can play a positive role in our lives. We must put ourselves in control of the painful emotions rather than be controlled by them. The first step in taking control is to ask the question, "What is causing these feelings?"

Sometimes the cause of the feelings is from recent events-job loss or health decline. Other times, the cause is a manifestation of negative emotion from long ago-unresolved issues of adolescence. Take the time to ask the question, think, and seek answers. This is important whether you are the one who is angry or the one who is on the receiving end of an angry person's wrath.

If you are angry and find yourself hurting others, here are some things that should help you deal with your feelings in a more constructive way:

1. Be mindful that you are entitled to the full range of feelings that life has to offer, one of which is pain. Make up your mind that you are not entitled to hurt others with those feelings. It is normal to feel pain. It is unacceptable to inflict it.

2. Take note of what makes you want to act ugly, sullen, and resentful. Is there a pattern? Do your assumptions about people and life need adjustments so that you're not so upset by (often unrelated or minor) irritants?

3. Remain current with your feelings and needs. Don't put off taking care of yourself. Feel pain, acknowledge it, and search for solutions. Reactions that are solution-oriented help you find good ways to deal with hurt.

4. Change you attitude about hurt. This allows you to avoid hurt in the first place. By this, I don't mean you should avoid things that make you feel bad. Adopt a personal policy not to let negative emotion control you. When you decide to take control, pain can't fester into an uncontrollable monster.

5. Don't choose the pain. I hate to say this, but some people hurt, because they choose to hurt. They decide that something is worth suffering over and believe that they need to "dwell here now." That's not to say that you should no longer discriminate between right and wrong. However, be more discriminating about that on which you're willing to expend mental energy.

6. Approach people and situations with patience and understanding. This causes you to slow down and act less impulsively. Imagine that a child spills milk at the table and an adult goes bonkers. The adult hasn't stopped to think about the fact that when children are growing up, the latter are clumsy at different developmental stages by nature, and that the spilt milk was not intentional or the result of laziness.

7. Look for non-destructive ways to express your anger. Being current, as previously mentioned, is one way. Others include, but are not limited to, taking slow deep breaths, biting your tongue, holding in your stomach, counting to ten, meditating, contemplating and praying. All of us do better when we control our impulses when expressing anger.

If you're someone who finds yourself in a hurt person's line of fire, you need some tools to manage their feelings as well as your own. Some options include:

1. Let them vent. Listen to their frustrations before you speak or act. Never interrupt, because until you hear their story, you know nothing. Find out as much as you can about the source of their pain and you'll know why they're angry.

2. Assess your level of responsibility in causing their pain. If you are directly involved, take responsibility and make things right. However, often you will find that you are not the target or cause of the pain. If you were just in the right place at the right time, don't take it personally.

3. Adopt an attitude of forgiveness. Try to understand that when people are hurt, they don't always think clearly and they say things that they don't really mean. It's easy to be consumed with reciprocal anger, so avoid the urge by forgiving them.

4. Be mindful of how you respond to them. The goal is to make things better, not worse. Sometimes they just want someone to acknowledge their pain. You can do so by saying something like, "I don't know just what to do to help you right now, but I want you to know how sorry I am about this."

5. Take control of your own feelings. Don't give up your power to them by allowing their words to control the way you respond. Their pain, even when directed at you, does not define you.

Hurt people can only hurt others if allowed to do so. With adults, know that you can judge the size of a person by the size of the things that they allow to make them angry. Yes, we've all had initial feelings of hurt as the result of others' actions and words. But, when we take a moment to really look at the situation, all of us have the power to draw the line and refuse to accept another's hurt.

Remember that people say and do boneheaded things from time to time without thinking. People forget, lose their tempers, underachieve by our standards, break promises, cheat, lie and do other things that disappoint us. Make allowances for people's differences. Human beings make errors. Values amongst us are varied. If you keep your standards very high, you are subject to be more sensitive around people with low standards. If you have low standards, you will feel offended and slighted by those who have high standards. That said, the bottom line is this: when someone is hurting someone else, they are acting from a place of pain and hurt. Diminish the hurt to make room for enrichment. Instead of hurt people hurting people, you then have enriched people enriching people.

Some tips on working with hospitalized children

2009-08-09T23:12:00.003-04:00

This is an excellent article by Stephanie Innes of the Arizona Starnet:

advertisementThe adolescent boy is lying on his hospital bed with a wet towel over his eyes, which are burning from a recent chemotherapy treatment.
"Would you like me to bring you anything?" Allison Woods asks the boy, a leukemia patient at University Medical Center who has relapsed after a long remission and is scheduled to have a bone marrow transplant later in the week.
The boy shakes his head no, and sounds like he's crying.
Woods, remaining upbeat, suggests a stress ball.
"Yes," the boy says. "I'd like that."
Woods is what's called a "child life specialist," someone with whose aim is to make the hospital experience for children as pleasant as possible. Among other things, that means asking young patients what they want — whether it's honest information, a stress ball, or a reward for enduring "pokes" — hospital lingo for needles and other invasive medical procedures.
Increasingly, child life specialists are recognized by doctors, nurses and social workers as crucial members of pediatric medical teams. They operate on a philosophy of treating young patients and their siblings with respect and helping them gain a sense of control over what they are experiencing.
Reflecting a national trend, the number of child life specialists in Tucson has more than doubled in the last decade and both Tucson Medical Center and UMC — Tucson's two largest hospitals — plan to add more in the near future as they expand their services for children.
"The unknown is always petrifying, even for us as adults," said Jolene Eggert, TMC's child life manager. "I remember having my tonsils out and just screaming. My mom heard me screaming all the way up the elevator. She wasn't allowed to come with me."
It's different now. Parents and guardians are encouraged to stay with their children as much as possible, as long as the medical situation allows it. And the child life specialists prepare kids by reviewing what is going to happen to them.
While doctors and nurses often have to tell children what is happening to them, child life specialists are able to allow some choice, and in turn pass that information to the rest of the medical team. Is there an arm they prefer to use when having blood drawn? Is there a special toy they want to be there when they wake up from surgery? Do they want to know how the doctor will take their appendix out?
"A lot of control is taken from kids when they are in the hospital," said Woods, one of the six child life specialists at UMC. "This is something they can control. They guide the conversation, and they can refuse me, too."
Teddy bears with tonsils, anatomically correct dolls, visualization and books are all used to prepare kids for needles, ports, tracheotomies and anesthesia masks. Though they aren't invasive, masks in particular can be terrifying for a child who has never seen one and is lying helpless on an operating table.
The child life team invites children to play with medical equipment before they go into the operating room. One day last week, hospitalized children and their siblings at TMC used syringes to squeeze out paint and make art projects.
TMC has a coloring book about a turtle named Tomás who goes to the hospital and is shown under an X-ray and in the operating room. When there's a procedure that requires taking big, deep breaths, Eggert and her team work with kids beforehand by having them blow bubbles and pinwheels.
There are 3,400 active certified child life specialists worldwide — most of them in the U.S. — with most of the growth occurring in the past decade, the national Child Life Council says. The specialists must have a bachelor's degree, typically in psychology, family studies or a related field, complete nearly 500 hours of clinical internships and pass a national certification exam.
"Honesty was not the policy decades ago. Children didn't really have any voice. We big people thought we knew what was best and easiest and it was really what was best and easiest for us," said Linda Throne, director of nursing for women's and children's services at UMC.
"When I first came here 14 years ago, there was one certified child life specialist. There was another person put in that role long ago, before we really understood you need a certain level of education and national certification."
Often when a trauma patient comes in or a pediatric "frequent flier" returns, the doctor or nurse will be asked to "page child life." Medical personnel at UMC have found that when children feel calm and safe, they fare much better going through medical procedures.
"As our population grows, so will the number of child life specialists," Throne said. "They are an integral, respected part of the medical team and a very equal part of the team, too."
Ed Motzkin, whose son, 15-year-old William Motzkin, has had six surgeries at TMC in the past year, said his son often wants to go to the hospital and say hello to the staff, even when he isn't sick.
"He loves them. The child life staff actually develop a friendship with the kids," Motzkin said.
William said that when he missed school, Eggert and her staff coordinated with his teachers to make sure he could continue his studies in the hospital.
"They are really good supporters, and they are really nice," he said. "They would just be cheerful and would really make me laugh. Like if you are down, they have video games."
Both TMC and UMC have big yellow toy chests on wheels called Andrea's Closet. It's a program named for a young Phoenix girl named Andrea Brunk, who died of complications from leukemia in 2002. Andrea's Closet allows children to pick out toys when they have to endure the "pokes" of painful medical procedures.
At UMC, a Wii, televisions, Playstations and game chargers have been provided to the child life program by a local organization called the Kick Cancer for Stephen Foundation. It is named for Stephen Placencia, a Cienega High School student who died of cancer last year at age 17. His parents want to make sure that teens have age-appropriate activities in the hospital — something the child life specialists are working on, too.
"Stephen was a quiet, shier boy. He did appreciate what the child life people tried to do for him — they were always checking to see if we needed anything, if we didn't understand what was going on," Stephen's mother, Francie Placencia, said.
"It wasn't just Stephen — they always made sure our other three children were OK, and offered us resources in the community."
She noticed a difference when Stephen had a surgery in Pennsylvania, and there was no child life specialist offered to the family.
"There was not someone constantly checking, no game room, and no activities," she said. "It's always nice to know you have someone on your side."
Woods seems to instinctively know what her patients need.
She helps Sierra Johnson, a 3-year-old leukemia patient, cut up her sausage and eggs, plays a game of peek-a-boo that sends the toddler into fits of giggles, and then does a painting project with her. Sitting beside Sierra on the bed is a doll that, like Sierra, has a port in her chest with a tube attached to medicine.
At her next stop, she allows a 5-year-old girl with cancer to pick out some stamps from Andrea's Closet because the girl had "a lot of pokes" that day.
She holds the hand of a teen-aged boy with cerebral palsy and then attaches a colorful mobile to the edge of his bed.
After agreeing to getting a stress ball for the adolescent leukemia patient, she offers him several other activities, like movies. He declines. He wants to stay lying down, and his eyes hurt.
"How about a Bionicle, and maybe a GameCube for later?" she asks him.
"OK ... please," he replies.
Woods tries to make sure someone is there for him when his family isn't. He's being encouraged to walk to keep up his strength before the transplant.
"I'll come back later and we can either build the Bionicle or do walks if you are feeling better," Woods tells the boy.
"Yes," he replies. "I'll see you soon."
TMC team focuses on chronically ill children
Tucson Medical Center recently began a team approach to take better care of young patients who are chronically or terminally ill.
The new palliative care program is called Tucson Lifeline for Children — TLC — and is expected to accommodate 250 children per year eventually. So far, 52 have enrolled in the new program, which is headed by Dr. Gina Jansheski.
The children she sees have diseases like cerebral palsy, cystic fibrosis and spina bifida, and often have multiple other ailments, too. The program is part of a growing trend in health care, sometimes called the "medical home," where medical professionals from many disciplines come together to help patients as a coordinated team.
"It's like first-class service for our frequent fliers," Jansheski said. "I get paged when they come into the hospital and welcome them back. They are our special patients."
In addition to doctors and nurses, members of the TLC include child life specialists, dietitians, pediatric pain specialists, music therapists, Spanish-language interpreters, massage therapists and respiratory therapists.
Jansheski, who is director of TMC's pediatric palliative care and hospice, begins by spending about two hours with each patient's parent or guardian. She takes an inventory of the child's needs and the family's needs, too. The categories she covers include physical, spiritual, cultural, psychosocial, and advanced care directives.

How do YOU cope with Stress?

2009-07-27T11:37:00.002-04:00

WAYS TO COPE WITH STRESS

Courtesy of the Tripler Army Medical Center, Honolulu, Hawaii

*Get up 15 minutes earlier
*Prepare for the morning the night before
*Avoid tight fitting clothes
*Avoid relying on chemical aids
*Set appointments ahead

*Don't rely on your memory ... write it down
*Practice preventive maintenance
*Make duplicate keys
*Say "no" more often
*Set priorities in your life
*Avoid negative people
*Use time wisely
*Simplify meal times
*Always make copies of important papers
*Anticipate your needs
*Repair anything that doesn't work properly
*Ask for help with the jobs you dislike
*Break large tasks into bite size portions
*Look at problems as challenges
*Look at challenges differently
*Unclutter your life
*Smile
*Be prepared for rain

Could you benefit from family therapy?

2009-07-17T21:07:00.006-04:00

Attachment Disorders

Socio-economic status has nothing to do with the ability to establish successful attachment relationships. Children who have had a succession of nannies, or orphaned children who spend their early years in orphanages or move from foster home to foster home, are at risk for severe attachment disruption. It also can occur as a result of severe illness in the parent or the child, parental unavailability, or emotional trauma. Some children have inborn disabilities or temperaments that make it difficult for them to form a secure attachment, no matter how hard the parent tries. In any case, there generally are several factors involved. The major causes of attachment disorders are:

•neglect, including emotional neglect
•abuse, physical or sexual
•separation from primary caregiver
•changes in primary caregiver
•traumatic experiences such as death of parent or disaster
•maternal depression
•maternal use of drugs or alcohol
•undiagnosed, isolating painful illness such as colic or ear infections
Divorce

Separation and divorce can be devastating but there are things you can do to support and comfort your child. There are also things you may unwittingly do that can make coping with separation and divorce harder for your child --now and in future relationships.

Learn how to help your child cope with the negative short and long term effects of separation and divorce, as well as ways to help prevent trauma and decrease hardship. Challenges that are confronted effectively can improve relationships and strengthen your childs ability to cope.

When talking with your children about separation or divorce, it is important to be honest, but not critical of your spouse. Most children want to know why their lives are being upset. Depending on the age of your children and reason for divorce, this may require some diplomacy. As children mature, they will probably want more information.

Here are a few suggestions:

•Make plans to talk with your children before any changes in the living arrangements occur.
•Plan to talk when your spouse is present, if possible.
•Remind your children of your love.
•Be respectful of your spouse when giving the reasons for the separation.
•Tell them that your marriage problems are not their fault. Let them know they are not responsible for fixing them.
•Tell them about changes in living arrangements, school or activities. Let them know when they will happen. But do not overwhelm kids with details.
•Be emotionally available to comfort them. Even if there has been much conflict in the home, children may deeply experience the loss of the leaving parent, or the loss of hope for reconciliation.
Blended Families - Stepfamilies

Studies show that children of stepfamilies face a higher risk of emotional and behavioral problems. They also are less likely to be resilient in stressful situations. Although most parents are able to work out these difficulties within the family, they should consider a psychiatric evaluation for their child when he exhibits strong feelings of being:

•alone in dealing with his losses;
•torn between two parents or two households;
•excluded;
•isolated by feelings of guilt and anger;
•unsure about what is right;
•very uncomfortable with any member of his original family or stepfamily.
A psychiatric evaluation might be appropriate for both the child and the family when:

•the child directs his anger upon a particular family member or openly resents a stepparent or parent;
•one of the parents suffers from great stress and is unable to help with the childs increased need for attention;
•a stepparent or parent openly favors one of the children;
•discipline of a child is left to the parent rather than involving both the stepparent and parent;
•members of the family derive no pleasure from usually enjoyable activities such as learning, going to school, working, playing, or being with friends and family.
By devoting the necessary time to develop their own traditions and form caring relationships, stepfamilies can create emotionally rich and lasting bonds for each member. In the process, the children acquire the self-esteem and strength to enjoy the challenges that lie ahead.

source: http://www.drmarge.com/areas_of_focus/Family_Therapy.htm

Could music make your life better?

2009-07-14T23:25:00.005-04:00

I know that all of you know that I am also a musicologist and music healer. Tonight as I listened to "America's Got Talent" I was so touched by a woman who sang her heart out and the judges loved her. When asked how she felt after this outstanding performance, she said she felt as though it were the second miracle in her life. "What was the first?" Sharon asked her. The dear lady then revealed that she was a cancer survivor for the last five years! Then Piers Morgan asked her if she believes that singing contributed to her healing. She replied that there was no doubt about that. Piers said" your singing has healed not only YOU but also everyone that hears you!"

What music is healing to you? What music lifts you up and gives you strength and hope? Find that music and listen to it often! It's free!!

No More Excuses

2009-06-29T08:48:00.001-04:00

Having a tough day? Feeling like your life is not what you were promised? Check out this video and see what this guy has done despite some really bad luck! Have a good day!

http://www.thegolfchannel.com/golf-videos/meet-butch-lumpkin-9477/?ref=26000

Alice

Dealing with Mood Swings

2009-06-21T23:13:00.006-04:00

Do you or someone you love have mood swings? Probably most humans have mood swings but it's how far you swing and how often your moods swing that determine whether or not it's worth considering therapy and/or medication. This is an excellent article I found on http://www.babyboomerarticles.com/. I hope this will be helpful to you!

Alice

Mood Swings: Dealing With The Unpredictable By: Harvey D. Ong
In one moderately publicized case in the US, a man filed for divorce, wishing to part ways with his wife, who had just given birth. The reasons for the divorce were summed up as “irreconcilable differences,” which tends to be legal jargon for “they got each other angry and neither one is mature enough to apologize.”
The divorce proceedings didn't get very far because it wasn't all that hard to dismiss, according to people who were aware of the confidential details of the case. As one of them anonymously commented, the whole thing really came down to the man being unable to deal with his pregnant wife's mood swings.
Among the multitude of things that people might find annoying or difficult to deal with while a woman is pregnant, the mood swings might be among the most complex. Simply defined, mood swings are those sudden changes in the emotional state of a person. These can happen for any number of reasons, with some people choosing to blame hormones and others finding fault in the woman's psychology.
In general, most physicians believe that the emotional changes that women undergo during pregnancy are caused by hormones. Pregnancy causes spikes in hormone levels that prevent fertilization when a woman is already pregnant. These same hormones also affect physical changes in the body, such as increased milk production in the breasts and preparing the pathways through which the baby will pass through during the birth process.
Hormones can also affect mental changes, making a woman happy and perky one minute, depressed and in despair the next.If the woman isn't pregnant, then there are still other possible reasons for them to have mood swings. Even men can have sudden changes in their mood and emotional state. Bipolar disorder is known to cause mood changes in the people that have them. These changes tend to be infrequent, but can occur very suddenly and without any sort of indication that they are going to happen.
Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) has also been known to cause someone's mood to suddenly and rapidly change, though this is not considered a common occurrence among those with ADHD. Other mood disorders, like depression and anxiety disorder can also bring about sudden changes in mood. It should be noted that mood swings are not necessarily a symptom of ADHD. Anything that can alter or tamper with the hormone levels of the body can result in sudden changes in a person's mood.
These include post-menstrual syndrome, menopause, and puberty.If the problem is hormonal, the best approach is to simply wait it out. Human bodies tend to even out their hormone levels after a while, returning to what can be considered a “default” state. Once the hormones have returned to their normal levels, then the person's mood should return to normal as well.
If the problem isn't hormonal, then it is usually best to find a therapist that one is comfortable with, to discuss the potential causes and the best treatments for it. It is better to seek professional help than let something like this do damage to one's personal relationships.
Article Source: http://babyboomerarticles.com

12 Tips for Stress-Free Vacations

2009-06-08T11:45:00.004-04:00

Hello Friends!

I had no idea it had been 3 weeks since I sent you a Crescent Hill Counseling blogpost! Time does fly, doesn't it?

I thought perhaps that since summer is upon us and people are vacationing whether at home or elsewhere, I'd send out this great article I found about "stress-free vacations!" Hope you'll find it helpful!

See you soon! Alice

12 Tips for Planning a Perfect Day of Sightseeing
Don't over-schedule. Think back to your last vacation—did you overextend yourself or visit so many attractions that you ended up not liking some of them? Resist succumbing to the fear that you may never return and so must see everything a destination has to offer, and instead focus on those activities and attractions that truly appeal to you. Take it easy—this is your time off.
Vary your activities from day to day. Visiting large art museums back-to-back can be taxing for even the most ardent culture vulture, just as shopping for six straight hours can wear out inveterate browsers. If you're someone who simply must pack a lot into every day of your trip, try to mix and match your activities. Spend a morning at a museum, and follow with a light hike or garden tour in the afternoon. Save a second museum for a different day, when you might also take a bus or boat tour.
Reconfirm hours and admission. No matter how much you trust your guidebook, or how recently you've checked an attraction's Web page, call the day of your visit to make sure the place is open. Some museums open or close late or early at a whim, or may close unexpectedly because of a staff shortage, a local holiday you're not aware of, a change in the budget, or for renovations.
Plan for inclement weather. There's no reason that a rainy day should put a damper on your vacation. Consider the climate where you're headed, and then plan realistically for the possibility that you'll have some rain—perhaps this will be when you go shopping or to a museum? If there's even a slight chance of an afternoon shower, carry along a lightweight, collapsible umbrella. If you're traveling with children, bring along games you can play, rent a video in your hotel room, or make a list of indoor attractions that you can enjoy regardless of wet weather.
Carry a bit of change in local currency with you. You might find that little unexpected payments are required in order to gain admission to sights, like public parks, or in order to use illumination devices in churches (timed lights on certain parts of the interior or artwork).
Pack light. Bring along just one bag, fill it with only a day's worth of necessities—guidebook, maps, cell phone, bottled water, IDs, sunscreen, portable umbrella, etc.—and take turns carrying it. There's no reason for everyone in the group to haul around a separate bag.
Don't forget your cell phone or phone card. Carry your phone with you, even if you don't plan to use it. Turn it off and use it only when you want or need to, but do keep it close at hand. It can be a lifesaver when you're trying to confirm a museum's hours, directions, or admission; need to make or change a dinner reservation for later in the day; or if you become lost or disoriented. If your cell phone doesn't work where you're going, you can rent one or get a prepaid phone card to make calls home.
Write down your hotel name and address on a slip of paper. In places where you don't speak the language, jot down the name, address, and phone number of your hotel on several pieces of paper, along with the same information for any restaurants, attractions, or other sites you're planning to visit, and present these to cab or bus drivers as you travel. Be sure, if appropriate, to write this information in both the local alphabet and your own.
Find out when museums offer free admission. Many large museums offer free or "pay-as-you-wish" admission one or two days per week, often for just part of the day (the first couple of hours in the morning, or a few hours late in the evening). Thursday and Friday evenings are common for this practice, but exact days can vary greatly—you might be able to plan your museum visits to get into several places free. Keep in mind, however, that most museums are nonprofit. If you are in a financial position to make a donation, it's always appreciated.
Plan a late-night museum jaunt. Quite a few major museums extend their usual opening times by two or three hours one night a week. This can be a great time to visit a museum, perhaps combining your tour with dinner afterward at a nearby restaurant. Sometimes museums offer special evening programs, such as lectures, wine-and-cheese socials, exhibit openings, or films.
With a group? Consider a theme park. Most parks have been planned specifically to appeal to a broad range of interests, so apart from wild rides there are gentle ones that please young children, older travelers, and more sedate types. Plus, many attractions in many theme parks are completely accessible to people who use wheelchairs or who have other disabilities.
Go with theme-park discounts. Local tourism boards almost always have coupons for the big theme parks—and many people are eligible for corporate deals through their company, school, or credit-card company. If you go after 4 PM, many parks charge almost half price; if you go in the offseason, your discounts will be even better. Check around for deals before you fork over your money.

Through the Eyes of a Child--refreshing!!

2009-05-17T13:41:00.001-04:00

1st grade school teacher had twenty-six students in her class. She presented each child in her classroom the 1st half of a well-known proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. It's hard to believe these were actually done by first graders. Their insight may surprise you. While reading, keep in mind that these are first-graders, 6-year-olds, because the last one is a classic!

1.
Don't change horses...
until they stop running.
2.
Strike while the...
bug is close.
3.
It's always darkest before...
Daylight Saving Time.
4.
Never underestimate the power of...
termites.
5.
You can lead a horse to water but...
How?
6.
Don't bite the hand that...
looks dirty.
7.
No news is...
impossible
8.
A miss is as good as a...
Mr.
9.
You can't teach an old dog new...
Math
10.
If you lie down with dogs... you'll stink
in the morning.
11.
Love all, trust...
Me.
12..
The pen is mightier than the...
pigs.
13.
An idle mind is...
the best way to relax.
14.
Where there's smoke there's...
pollution..
15.
Happy the bride who...
gets all the presents.
16.
A penny saved is...
not much.
17.
Two's company, three's...
the Musketeers.
18.
Don't put off till tomorrow what...
you put on to go to bed.
19.
Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and...
You have to blow your nose.
20.
There are none so blind as...
Stevie Wonder.
21.
Children should be seen and not...
spanked or grounded.
22.
If at first you don't succeed...
get new batteries.
23.
You get out of something only what you...
See in the picture on the box
24.
When the blind lead the blind...
get out of the way.
25.
A bird in the hand...
is going to poop on you.
And the WINNER and last one!
26.
Better late than...
Pregnant

Mother's Day Feelings

2009-05-10T12:49:00.002-04:00

Today is Mother's Day and many people will joyfully celebrate with their mother's or will lovingly and gratefully remember their mothers. But what about all the people who are angry with their mothers and unhappy and resentful about the way their mothers treated them or didn't treat them? One of the most difficult life lessons is accepting the things we cannot change, changing the things we can and having the wisdom to know the difference.
If you did not get along with your mother and have angry bitter feelings still, what can you do? Some of the things that people learn in therapy is that most parents tend to parent in the same way that they were parented. When people come into my office with painful mother-child relationships, I often ask them what they know about their own mother's childhood. Invariably it was abusive, neglectful and pretty awful too. Now of course, two wrongs don't make a right, right? But when humans have terrible childhoods and parenting, unless they get a lot of help themselves, many of these patterns are likely to be repeated.
Healing painful relationships with parents can be a lifelong task but things CAN get better. Forgiveness is done for the one feeling the pain. It helps you and does not "let the offender off the hook."
If you are having some feelings of pain around this, please let me know and we can talk about it this week! Happy Mother's Day to you!

"Mine that Bird: the ultimate Underdog!"

2009-05-04T08:57:00.003-04:00

If you were looking for a real emotional picker-upper last Saturday, I sure hope you saw the Derby!!! Not only did Calvin Borel come from dead last to win the Derby by multiple lengths, the horse "Mine that Bird" was a 50-1 longshot! Most people were still bemoaning the fact that "I Want Revenge" was scratched the morning of the race because he was widely predicted to win. The weather was worse than "iffy" and the track was muddy with water actually standing on it so that the horses and jockeys had to slog through it to get their mounts.

Whereas most of the horses were flown to the Derby (and some came from other countries and continents) "Mine That Bird" was driven to the Derby from New Mexico in a 21-hour drive that got her there just shortly before the Derby! Calvin Borel said he wan't thrilled with this horse, but he was supposed to have ridden "I Want Revenge" and this was the only horse he could get! Wow!

To me, the message is...never give up, never say never, and expect the unexpected!!! You never know what the Universe has in store for you and if you just hang in there and do the next right thing, you can do amazing and wonderful things! Have a great week!

What do you know about positive thinking CD's?

2009-04-28T22:40:00.000-04:00

Positive thinking CDs can be classified into three types:

1) Self-Hypnosis - A positive thinking CD of this type repeats a certain message to the listener over and over again and urges him/her to follow as well. It gets across the message to the persons subconscious in an unapparent way, resulting in the individuals’ change of beliefs about his/her abilities. Such positive thinking CDs can be further classified into two types:

a) Conscious - This type of positive thinking CD is played back to the individual while he/she is awake. It normally has several oral exercises for the person to indulge in and gain from significantly.

b) Subconscious - As evident by the name, such positive thinking CDs are meant to influence the person’s outlook by reaching his/her subconscious mind directly. They are normally used while the person is asleep.

2) Therapeutic - It is common knowledge that music has phenomenal healing powers. It is a medium that can effectively be used to alter any type of behavioral pattern that a person may be suffering from. There are positive thinking CDs available that have effectively harnessed this power of music and presented it in a manner that directly affects and changes a persons emotional state. Such positive thinking CDs normally either have inspirational background music or have songs that contain positive messages for the listener.

3) Audio Books - With the changing lifestyles and living patterns, people nowadays aren’t left with much time to catch up on their reading habits, leave alone indulging in self-introspection to change one’s outlook.

This type of positive thinking CDs are directly targeted at such upwardly mobile people who can listen to many self-help books that are available in this format. They can either be played back on the CD player on the car while driving or can even be transferred onto your IPODs for better mobility. With the help of such positive thinking CDs, it has become very easy for people to understand their weaknesses and work on them in an effective manner

Derby Week and Addictions

2009-04-26T21:20:00.004-04:00

Let's see, how many addictions can get triggered during Derby Week?? Well, the two that come to mind quickest are gambling and alcoholism. Those two are definitely "givens." Derby week is all about horse racing and "winning big." It can, of course, also be about losing big, loosing your shirt, and blowing lots of money you don't really have. Maybe I'm just down on gambling but it has also been a very scary proposition to me, especially if you have an addictive personality and like the idea of "instant wealth" with out good old-fashioned work. Of course it appeals to people. When advertisers come up with phrases like "somebody's got to win, why not you?" it's bound to suck lots of people in. In preparation for Derby Week, I thought you might like to see some of the signs and symptoms of problem gambling...just in case you're looking forward to it too much:

Myths & Facts about Gambling Addiction and Problem Gambling

MYTH: You have to gamble everyday to be a problem gambler.
FACT: A problem gambler may gamble frequently or infrequently. Gambling is a problem if it causes problems.

MYTH: Problem gambling is not really a problem if the gambler can afford it.
FACT: Problems caused by excessive gambling are not just financial. Too much time spent on gambling can lead to relationship breakdown and loss of important friendships.

MYTH: Partners of problem gamblers often drive problem gamblers to gamble.
FACT: Problem gamblers often rationalize their behavior. Blaming others is one way to avoid taking responsibility for their actions, including what is needed to overcome the problem.

MYTH: If a problem gambler builds up a debt, you should help them take care of it.
FACT: Quick fix solutions may appear to be the right thing to do. However, bailing the gambler out of debt may actually make matters worse by enabling gambling problems to continue.

Adapted from: Chris Lobsinger's Problem Gambling

Each day this week, I will focus on a different addiction that could be triggered this week just in case you know that you're prone to addictions! Let me know if you want to talk about this during your session.

How's YOUR inner child doing today?

2009-03-24T08:53:00.004-04:00

Did you know that you have an "inner child?" It's the part of you that still feels and thinks like you did when you were actually a child. As it turns out, that part of us is often bigger than the adult part of us and can cause a lot of problems because children don't have all the facts and make conclusion and decision that are based on partial information and through a child's eyes.
Inner child work is in one way detective work. We have a mystery to solve.Why have I been attracted to the the type of people that I have been in relationship with in my life?Why do I react in certain ways in certain situations? Where did my behavior patterns come from?Why do I sometimes feel so: helpless; lonely; desperate; scared; angry; self-destructive; etc."
It is very important to start awakening to the Truth that there is nothing inherently wrong with our being - it is our relationship with our self and with life that is dysfunctional. And that relationship was formed in early childhood.That is the purpose of inner child healing - to stop letting our experiences of the past dictate how we respond to life today. It cannot be done without revisiting our childhood. We need to become aware, to raise our consciousness. To create a new level of consciousness for ourselves that allows us to observe ourselves.It is vital to start learning how to not give power to that critical shaming voice. We need to start observing ourselves with compassion. This is almost impossible at the beginning of the inner child healing process - having compassion for our self, being Loving to our self, is the hardest thing for us to do. (to be continued)

Happy St. Patrick's Day from Crescent Hill Counseling

2009-03-17T09:44:00.002-04:00

I wish you the luck of the Irish today and offer the ancient Irish Blessing to you!

May the road rise to meet you,May the wind be always at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face,The rains fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again,May God hold you in the palm of his hand.

May God be with you and bless you: May you see your children's children.
May you be poor in misfortune,Rich in blessings.
May you know nothing but happinessFrom this day forward.
May the road rise up to meet youMay the wind be always at your back
May the warm rays of sun fall upon your home
And may the hand of a friend always be near.

May green be the grass you walk on,
May blue be the skies above you,
May pure be the joys that surround you,
May true be the hearts that love you.

Singing and happiness: what's the connection?

2009-03-11T22:41:00.001-04:00

Singing and happiness: what's the connection?
In her blog post today, Marci Shimhoff writes about the power of singing as a path to happiness! Marci says "For the first time in history, we know that happiness isn’t an abstract emotion; it’s a physiological state that can be measured" As a clinical musicologist and speaker, people ask me all the time if it's more healing to sing or play an instrument or listen to favorite music on CD or iPod. The answer is SING!! That is the natural, God-given musical instrument and the one that stirs vibration and healing in our bodies. We also tend to sing the music that we love most and that is therefore uniquely healing to our bodies! I could go on and on, but I won't. Just don't forget to sing a little every day. Sing in the shower or the car or while you're walking the dog. Even humming or whistling can be powerful!

Unwanted negative feelings

2009-03-01T13:22:00.001-05:00

If your days seem filled with unwanted negative feelings, there is only one cure. When they come, choose them. Don't ask why, don't wonder how, don't fight them and never put yourself down for having them.
But most of all never blame someone else for how you feel.
If you do, it means you are still fast asleep and your choice is to be a victim.

When the feelings come, even big disturbing emotional feelings say, "I choose this feeling" and know it comes because of something you have thought or done in the past, perhaps a certain belief that you have learned or an attachment that is threatened.

Choice does not mean you want the feelings, but it does mean you are taking responsibility for them. And that is the beginning of self mastery. It is the first step to the healing and resolving of your emotions.
But only the first step.

Try this today and then ask yourself what the next step might be.

If you are really interested to know, you will come to know!

************************************************************************************ESPAVO..............

Acceptance is the secret of contentment. Appreciation is the secret of happiness
thanks to my friend Sandi Lee for this.

Learning to "fight fair"

2009-02-24T22:15:00.003-05:00

Do you have conflict with your partner or spouse? Well, I'm sure that you know it's not unusual if you're a real human being! But there are effective ways to disagree and there are painful, humiliating ways. Which would you prefer? Are you willing to learn and practice some "fair fighting techniques?" OK, let's get started!

The Bible on One Page

2009-02-15T14:50:00.003-05:00

This is an amazing labor of love that someone has gone to a lot of trouble to create. Check it out and realize that there are lots of good people out there working hard to make the world a better place!

Have a good Sunday!

Alice Bible on One Page

Ten Important Insights for Inner Peace

2009-02-02T14:47:00.002-05:00

The greatest goal you can set this year is to make peace with your life, no matter your circumstances.
These 10 powerful insights from Eckhart Tolle will get you started.

Don't seek happiness. If you seek it, you won't find it, because seeking is the antithesis of happiness. Happiness is ever elusive, but freedom from unhappiness is attainable now, by facing what is rather than making up stories about it.
The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but your thoughts about it. Be aware of the thoughts you are thinking. Separate them from the situation, which is always neutral, which always is as it is. There is the situation or the fact, and here are my thoughts about it. Instead of making up stories, stay with the facts. For example, "I am ruined" is a story. It limits you and prevents you from taking effective action. "I have 50 cents left in my bank account" is a fact. Facing facts is always empowering.
See if you can catch the voice in your head, perhaps in the very moment it complains about something, and recognize it for what it is: the voice of the ego, no more than a thought. Whenever you notice that voice, you will also realize that you are not the voice, but the one who is aware of it. In fact, you are the awareness that is aware of the voice. In the background, there is the awareness. In the foreground, there is the voice, the thinker. In this way you are becoming free of the ego, free of the unobserved mind.
Wherever you look, there is plenty of circumstantial evidence for the reality of time—a rotting apple, your face in the bathroom mirror compared with your face in a photo taken 30 years ago—yet you never find any direct evidence, you never experience time itself. You only ever experience the present moment.
Why do anxiety, stress, or negativity arise? Because you turned away from the present moment. And why did you do that? You thought something else was more important. One small error, one misperception, creates a world of suffering.
People believe themselves to be dependent on what happens for their happiness. They don't realize that what happens is the most unstable thing in the universe. It changes constantly. They look upon the present moment as either marred by something that has happened and shouldn't have or as deficient because of something that has not happened but should have. And so they miss the deeper perfection that is inherent in life itself, a perfection that lies beyond what is happening or not happening. Accept the present moment and find the perfection that is untouched by time.
The more shared past there is in a relationship, the more present you need to be; otherwise, you will be forced to relive the past again and again.
Equating the physical body with "I," the body that is destined to grow old, wither, and die, always leads to suffering. To refrain from identifying with the body doesn't mean that you no longer care for it. If it is strong, beautiful, or vigorous, you can appreciate those attributes—while they last. You can also improve the body's condition through nutrition and exercise. If you don't equate the body with who you are, when beauty fades, vigor diminishes, or the body becomes incapacitated, this will not affect your sense of worth or identity in any way. In fact, as the body begins to weaken, the light of consciousness can shine more easily.
You do not become good by trying to be good, but by finding the goodness that is already within you and allowing that goodness to emerge.
If peace is really what you want, then you will choose peace.

Coping with Low Self-Esteem

2009-01-28T23:05:00.003-05:00

Feeling troubled by low self-esteem? Here are some suggestions to help.Choose the ones that are most relevant to your situation and work on them.Don't expect immediate change from yourself. Be patient change takes time and work.Low Self-esteem Description:
You avoid looking into the eyes of others.
You do not smile easily.
You avoid other people.
You push people away, even your friends and family.
You constantly feel bad.
You are tired all the time.
You are afraid to take risks.
You create negative situations.
You constantly analyze yourself and wonder why you are the way you are.
You talk negatively to yourself
You don't tell the truth or keep your word.
You have trouble forgiving yourself or others.

Start Your Journey to Happiness and Self EsteemDetermine which area of your life you want to work on and begin today!Be "Positive" when deciding what you want to achieve. Don't tell yourself you can't do it. When you talk to yourself use positive affirmations and write them down. Keep them shortand very specific.Believe in yourself and your goals. Be persistent and close out your inner voice from negative remarks.Set aside a specific time each day to meditate, and visualize your goals and achievements. This will help you to set a pattern of daily affirmations to reach your goals.

Steps to Changing Bad Habits

2009-01-18T15:13:00.004-05:00

"Habit is habit and not to be flung out of the window by any man but coaxed downstairs a step at a time." - Mark Twain"

Ill habits gather by unseen degrees, as brooks make rivers, rivers run to seas." - John Dryden

Laura Barwegen, in an article in Discipleship Journal, tells of routinely watching "Jeopardy!" and eating a bowl of Raisin Bran after coming home from work. Now, 15 years later, she still gets hungry for a bowl of Raisin Bran whenever she hears the theme music to "Jeopardy!". Habits are necessary to get us through the normal day.

When I get up in the morning and head for the bathroom, I am pretty much on automatic - my habits are definitely in control. Everything has a prescribed order and woe be it if I deviate. I even have a particular pattern for shaving. Any other pattern takes longer - I have to think.

The wrong kind of habits can be a real problem, however. Some habits probably are better classified as addictions, and we may need outside help to break them. Smoking, drug abuse and pornography fit into this category. Other bad habits are simply a result of our own choices and/or failure to stop undesirable actions. When we get home from work, our habit may be to read the newspaper or turn on the TV. But today, our spouse or child may need to talk. Can we break from our habit without getting visibly upset?

We may also have the "habit" of failing to consider our spouse's needs for entertainment and recreation. Can we force ourselves to schedule times doing what they like? For example, establish a date night once a week or even once a month. Turn off the football game and play a board game with your wife.

As an aside, breaking out of old habits may be good for you in other ways. Studies show that unless we continue to learn, our brains literally begin to atrophy, which may contribute to dementia, Alzheimer's and other brain diseases. Continuously stretching ourselves will even help us lose weight, according to one study.

So what can we do to break bad habits? Barwegen suggests a few simple steps for us to consider.

First of all, be aware of how that habit got started. You started doing something on a frequent and regular basis, thus programming your brain to operate in a certain way without thinking. Deviation from that programmed path now becomes uncomfortable.You have to consciously choose to turn off the TV or to plan events on a regular basis with your spouse. At first this will be uncomfortable, but keep at it.

This leads us to Barwegen's second simple suggestion: Keep practicing.To quote Barwegen, as we practice desirable behaviors and thought patterns, taking small, incremental steps "may feel awkward at first, but as we repeat them, they'll take over more brain real estate and will eventually become unconscious habits."

Finally, as we begin to change old habits and establish new and more desirable habits, reward that success. Give yourself a verbal pat on the back. Talk about what you are doing with others. Hopefully they have noticed and are also giving you positive feedback. One of the main reasons for establishing habits is our fear of failure or conversely our desire to be comfortable. We find something that works or at least keeps us out of trouble, and we cement that in as a desirable behavior.Consider once again turning off the TV or planning events. TV has a way of enabling us to turn off our brains; it's almost like an anesthesia - it deadens us to work problems and home noises. Planning events sets us up for rejection or failure as we try something different.Healthy relationships are all about building mutually beneficial thought patterns and behaviors. It's worth it!

The Stages of Grief

2009-01-11T22:27:00.000-05:00

People grieve for man reasons. I think most people belief that death is the only reason for grief but actually, the break-up of a relationship or marriage, the loss of a pet or a job are all causes for grief. I found this article online thatI think might be helpful to you.

In one way or another, we are all affected by death. Losses are inevitable and are ever present in all lives. Death is universal. Grief is universal. We all must cope with bereavement at some stage in our lives. Even though death can be separated into two categories, long-term illness and sudden death, all death is sudden. The finality of death brings to those left behind a tremendous amount of emotional pain. Grief is not something abnormal; rather, it is a normal and inevitable step in our journey through life. Two simple definitions of grief are 1) the conflicting feelings caused by the end of or change in a familiar pattern or behavior. 2) a normal, natural and painful emotional reaction to loss. We can grieve not only for the passing of a human life, but also for the death of a relationship (divorce) or we can suffer the same emotional reactions over the loss of a beloved pet. Grieving is difficult because it involved many intense feelings – love, sadness, fear, anger, relief, compassion, hate, or happiness to name a few. Not everyone experiences all of these feelings but many in the grieving process experience several of them at the same time. The feelings are intense, disorganizing and can be long lasting. Grieving often feels has been described as drowning in a sea of painful emotions.
There are certain stages of grief. 1) Shock – Immediately following the death of a loved one it is difficult to accept the loss. A feeling of unreality occurs. During those first days and through any religious rituals or memorials there is a feeling of being-out-of-touch. 2) Emotional Release – the awareness of just how dreadful the loss is accompanied by intense pangs of grief. In this stage a grieving individuals sleeps badly and weeps uncontrollably 3) Panic - For some time a grieving person can feel in the grip of mental instability. They can find themselves wandering around aimlessly, forgetting things, and not being able to finish what they started. Physical symptoms also can appear -- tightness in the throat, heaviness in the chest, an empty feeling in the stomach, tiredness and fatigue, headaches, migraine headaches, gastric and bowel upsets. 4) Guilt – At this stage an individual can begin to feel guilty about failures to do enough for the deceased, guilt over what happened or what didn’t happen. 5) Hostility – Some individuals feel anger at what “caused” the loss of the loved one. 6) Inability to Resume Business-as-Usual Activities - the ability to concentrate on day-to-day activities may be severely limited. It is important to know and recognize that this is a normal phenomenon. A grieving person’s entire being – emotional, physical and spiritual, is focused on the loss that just occurred. Grief is a 100% experience. No one does it at 50%. 7) Reconciliation of Grief – balance in life returns little by little, much like healing from a severe physical wound. There are no set timeframes for healing. Each individual is different. 8) Hope - the sharp, ever present pain of grief will lessen and hope for a continued, yet different life emerges. Plans are made for the future and the individual is able to move forward in life with good feelings knowing they will always remember and have memories of the loved one.
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Grieving is difficult work. The following are some suggestion to help in navigating the journey through grief.
-Take time. Don’t let others rush you into “getting over” your feelings.
-Don’t make major decisions. The time of grief is a time of instability.
-Avoid the temptation to use alcohol or drugs to numb the painful feelings.
-Cry. Tears are the healthiest expression of grief. Don’t try to hold back crying for the sake of others.
-Know that there will be good days and bad days. Pangs of intense grief can surface during holidays, significant events such as birthdays or anniversaries.
-Remember the loved one often and as much as you need to. Look at photographs, read old letters and retell your memories to friends and other members of the family.
-Seek people who will understand your need to talk about what happened. Seek out people who will really listen to your remembrances.
-Allow yourself time to heal. Pay attention to your health. Make sure you are getting enough sleep. Eat a healthy diet. Get outside in the sunshine for exercise or a mild walk.
-Ask for what you need from others. Accept what help they offer. Now is not the time to try to do everything by yourself.
-Seek out grief counseling if you feel you cannot cope alone. Grief counseling is available through community resources, churches and licensed therapists. Join a grief support group. Local community papers will usually have listings. Use the Internet and join an electronic bulletin board dedicated to supporting individuals who have lost loved ones.
-Remember your grief is individual to you. Not everyone’s grief is identical to yours. You will share some similarities with others, but grieving is a very personal and very individual process.
Death like any great wound leaves a scar. It may heal and the pain may ease but the mark is always there. But the memories of the loved one are always there also. The most important thing to remember is -- there is no right way or wrong way to grieve. People grieve in their own time and in their own way. The second most important thing to remember is – everything you feel during bereavement is normal. The third most important thing to remember is – if you feel you cannot cope with your loss alone, you don’t have to. Seek help. Grief is the pain of not having the person who is gone. Through bereavement we learn to live without that person and in the words of St. John Chrysostorn, a bishop living in the fourth century: He whom we love and lose is no longer where he was before. He is now wherever we are.

New Year's Resolutions: Do They Work?

2009-01-04T22:31:00.003-05:00

This time every year, people draw up lists of New Year's resolutions: lose weight, exercise, quit smoking. New Year offers us a sort of "restart" button. Sure, we're not cleaning out our mental or physical hard drives entirely. None of us change ourselves completely. But we can use this time to "reboot" — take a pause and, hopefully, perform somewhat better going forward.
People have been making New Year's resolutions for hundreds of years, I'm sure. It's just logical to want to make changes at such a momentous point in the calendar year. But I believe that it's important to believe that one can start over at any time...your don't just have to wait to January 1st or May 1st or any other particular time.
If you do choose to make resolutions, it's important to be realistic: I'll lose 5 lbs each month, not 10 or 15 or 20! Otherwise you set yourself up for failure. "Easy does it" is a great mantra. I'm always happy to help people set do-able goals to improve their lives. Let me know if I can help you!

Talking with Your Children About Divorce

2008-12-28T16:40:00.005-05:00

When people get married, the last thing they're thinking of is divorce. When people are welcoming their beautiful children into the world, the last thing they're thinking about is divorce, but unfortunately, divorce happens. Despite everyone's best intentions and best efforts, sometimes people do grow apart and can't ever seem to find that common ground that brought them together initially. Here are a few tips for navigating this difficult process:

Tips for Helping Children Through Divorce
• Be as honest with them as possible.
• Acknowledge their feelings.
• Discuss upcoming changes with them.
• Give them reassurance and a sense of security.
• Be fair when discussing their other parent.
• Provide them as much stability as possible.
• Support and encourage their individual
interests.
• Trust their ability to adapt.
• Tell them both of their parents love them.

Christmas Holidays and STRESS

2008-12-26T21:07:00.003-05:00

Did you have any stress related to your Christmas holiday this year? If you did, you're certainly not alone. All over the world, people get their hopes and expectations really high and imagine a "Norman Rockwell/Hallmark" kind of Christmas.

The media, in an attempt to sell lots of toys, food, clothes, cars and jewelry, portray happy, joyous families. Everyone is hugging, kissing and getting along beautifully. For folks who did or didn't have thiskind of Christmas growing up, people get their hope up that Christmas will be like this if they just buy the "right stuff."

By the time Christmas Day arrives, everyone is exhausted and stressed. Someone says something careless and suddenly people are shouting, crying or storming around. Unfortunately, sometimes violence erupts and people get hurt, emotionally if not physically.

What to do? If anyone is willing to make a move toward peace or apology, this can be a way to nip things in the bud. Acknowledging that you may have spoken harshly or too quickly can do miraculous work toward restoring a nice day. If no one is willing to make that move, then getting some physical space might help. Just separating the quarreling people into different areas of the house might help. If alcohol or drugs are involved, the impaired person needs to be removed to a quiet spot where they can sleep and begin to sober up.

Families really do want to get along down deep, but hurt feelings can be very toxic and painful. The adult/parent figures in the house really do need to set the example of dealing with hurt/angry feelings withot violence to retaliation. Of course, processing all of this with a therapist can be helpful too! Take care and I'll see you soon!

Coping with Financial Insecurity

2008-12-14T22:47:00.004-05:00

Who isn't having financial concerns these days? I don't know of anyone who isn't tightening their belt and looking for ways to cut their expenses. But you've heard the expression "penny-wise and pound-foolish?" You know what that means and I urge you not to make any major financial decisions without giving it considerable thought and time and checking with a couple of people that are financially savvy. I always prefer to think of how I can make more rather than spend less on the basics of living. I wanted to share some highlights of an excellent financial article with you! Feel free to talk about financial concerns in your therapy session too!

First: Look at the Big Picture. Denial isn't healthy. So first of all, be honest with yourself and take stock of your financial life.
While there is math involved in this process, it need not be a sophisticated analysis: a back-of-the envelope approach is generally sufficient.
What is the amount of your net worth, your investment assets, earned income and annual expenses? Do you anticipate significant financial events in the future-selling a business, an inheritance or paying off significant debts?
Assume that future returns over longer time periods will be equal to long term averages of capital markets–say 10% for stocks and 5% for bonds–or 7.5% for a 50/50 portfolio. Now do you have enough to meet your financial goals? Can you live on 5% to 8% of your working assets?
This exercise can help by distinguishing a real financial problem from psychic poverty– i.e. feeling poor, even if you're not. It should also help by highlighting the magnitude of any projected shortfalls.
Problem-focused Coping: Consider Alternatives. Knowledge is power and we're most stressed when we don't have alternatives. So if you identify a true financial problem looming, look at your financial life and consider your options.
Increase Income. Look at whether you have alternatives for generating additional earned income. Delay retirement. Consider a career change. Think about part time work. Review payout options in your retirement plan and/or Social Security.
Cut your Expenses. It's a good exercise to tighten our belts occasionally. Review your spending habits and cut out those extras.
Bigger Changes. Are there more significant alternatives to consider? Sell a vacation home. Move to that smaller house. Think about a reverse mortgage on your primary residence.
Review your investments. As our primary business, this is a constant process for us with our clients. We believe that the asset allocation is an investor's most important decision. Once set, it should be changed as your situation changes, but not in response to market conditions.
It's important to set the right mix of assets to match your goals and risk tolerance. Is your equity exposure correct? Do you have sufficient diversification–both in your equity and fixed income segments?
Be sensitive to timing: you don't want to decide to be more conservative and sell your equities in a down market. So move gradually if you decide you want to shift your assets.
Emotion-focused Coping: Now Move On. This is the tough part. Once you've done your homework and addressed the things you can change, refocus your energy in other directions. Develop a sense of healthy optimism in the future, rather than dwelling on potential problems or market fluctuations. The fancy psychological terms are: acceptance and positive re-interpretation–but our mothers knew best when they told us to find the silver lining.
In a recent study, Psychologists Ginzburg, Solomon and Bleich found that patients who repressed traumatic events in their lives generally fared better in coping than those who exhibited "a specific combination of anxiety and defensiveness". So the power of positive thinking does seem to work.
Our most successfully coping clients seem to be those who don't deny financial reality, but who also don't agonize over investment losses or possible future money problems. Developing a sense of trust in one's own personal resourcefulness–and in the future, seems to be a behavioral quality which can be cultivated.
After doing what you can to address your financial plan, divert your energy to family, to hobbies, to other interests. Don't dwell on investment fluctuations you know you can't control but wait for better economic times to come

By Jim Martin, President, Arbor Investment Advisors

What is psychotherapy supposed to do?

2008-12-07T13:50:00.003-05:00

Many things bring people into my office, but at the heart of it all is one big thing: emotional pain. Sound familiar? Yes, everyone has emotional pain from time to time but every now and then, an event such as a divorce, loss of a job, death in the family or an affair will suddenly catapult the level of emotional pain that a person feels. The following article answers a lot of the tough questions people have. Hope it helps. See you this week?

Alice
What’s the cure? What does psychotherapy do?
If my answers here seem arbitrary, I encourage you again to read the earlier pages in this website before looking at this one. (Think of how strange it might be to someone who knows nothing of the human nervous system if you try to explain to him that the pain in his leg -- sciatica -- is caused by disc problems in his back. "My leg hurts, and you want to examine my back? What kind of quack are you?")

The cure for psychological problems is increased awareness of the "other agendas" discussed in Why go. Psychotherapy is the process that accomplishes this. The less aware we are of our motives, feelings, thoughts, actions, perceptions, the more they control us and the more we stay stuck in old patterns that don’t work anymore. Relief from symptoms lies in discovering and incorporating into our constant, every-day consciousness that which is being masked, distracted from, or indirectly "acted out" in symptoms. (Take a look at the characters in Personality for examples of this process.) Virtually all psychotherapies work in this way, by expanding awareness (which is why the term "shrink" is so silly; psychotherapy is supposed to do the opposite). In fact, even when the focus of treatment is not symptom relief, when the goal is a general increase in contentment, power, freedom, happiness -- "self-actualization" it’s sometimes called -- the key is awareness.

Before you say, "But I know what I feel, do, believe": If we were perfectly aware, we would have no symptoms. [Jim, Ed, Ed - II, Evan] We would experience reasonable emotional reactions to the ups and downs of life instead of sinking into incomprehensible panic, anxiety, depression. We would behave rationally, putting our talents, intelligence, and energy towards gratifying ends. We would learn from our mistakes; we would not hurt the ones we love nor be drawn to those who hurt us. Again, if this idea is hard to swallow, take a look at the earlier pages, especially Why Psychotherapy.

Of what exactly do we need to become aware? No, not of some forgotten childhood memory; that’s too glib and rarely is the answer. Rather, we need to recontact the specific experiences -- wholly lived moments of perception and feeling, regardless of where they originated and even if not attached to specific events -- that are being both avoided and indirectly expressed via symptoms. The bully needs to become conscious not of who bullied him (if anyone did), but of his fears of humiliation and powerlessness. Only by such means can he cease the constant compensation for those fears -- the insistence on total control of people and situations, the self-imposed isolation when he isn’t assured of such control, even the phobias and panic attacks that such people can develop when they fear losing that control. The flincher, too, needs to recall that same original horror so he can stop fearing it around every corner. Think what this means: To get over his symptoms, a person must face exactly that which his defenses were created to protect him from; he must face his worst nightmare.

The good news is that this awareness is the one magic psychotherapy has to offer. I have seen it again and again, in all kinds of patients, in friends, in myself: When you feel whatever it is you spend your energy trying not to feel, you feel better and you function better.
from the site: http://www.aboutpsychotherapy.com/Tthecure.htm

Tune in to yourself this holiday

2008-12-05T11:31:00.001-05:00

If you know a little of yourself, you will have realized that you are more than meets your eyes in the mirror in the morning.

What you see is not what you are.

You see the form not the content, the body not the soul, the matter not the mind. In quiet and profound moments, we innately know that is true. But we forget.

The world tells us and wants us to believe that we are what we see - and we take the easy way out. We believe.

That's why the awakening of spirit and the flowering of our spirituality (nothing to do with religion) means we have to keep reminding ourselves, a hundred times a day, I am a soul - not a body, I am an eternal spirit - not a perishable piece of meat. I am quality, not quantity. I am. Otherwise, freedom is not possible.

And if we are not free, in the deepest space inside our own being, we cannot be truly happy.

~~Today's Thought~~
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The purpose of life is a life of purpose. ~~Robert Byrne~~

Anger Outbreaks: 1 simple exercise

2008-11-30T23:08:00.002-05:00

Have you ever wondered why some people can control those mental outbreaks, whereas some people cannot simply do it. It all depends on the things we can do when dealing with anger itself. By taking anger management exercises, you definitely get help and make your life better to keep your anger under control. You will be able to control your emotions and your feelings with a few simple exercises. What you need to do first?# 1 Keeping a record of all your mental outbreaks that you had.#2 Write them down on why you are mad and why you have this type of feeling during the outbreaks. #3 Keeping records of the things that you say and do and to whom you said to them.By keeping a record of how anger is damaging your life, you will realize why it is vital to prevent this way of emotion that is taking your life away. Once you are able to identify the signs or symptoms that your emotions are controlling you that are kicking in.Control it before it starts.When you feel that you are going to have an anger disorder problem and should immediately try to control it before it even starts surfacing. You will want to know from the inside out what you are feeling so that you can better understand what this anger is taking over your body.This simple tip can help.All you need to do is to breathe. One of the anger management exercises is to breathe well. Not just ordinary breathing but control deep breathing. Controlling how you inhale and exhale will ease off unwanted anger emotions that are damaging you from the inside. Taking long and deep breaths can help you relax and calm down before you go into an anger attack. Think about what you are doing and stop it before it starts.Do it when you like it.When you are having an angry or upset moment, you can exercise which can be a great help to your overall being. Take out your frustration in the gym or simply go for a running spree, which can be a great stress reliever. You will be able to let go those angry feelings without hurting your loved ones. After doing that, your body just feel better because you are using your feelings productively and not having an outburst that is embarrassing and damaging to your life.Another exercise you can do.Taking a good break for the moment is another good anger management exercise you can take which I believe it work for some people out there. You can get away from the situation that is making you crazy. Take the time to gain your thoughts and be free for a moment or two. This will help you clear your mind and get back to what you were doing before the outbreak came on.Do you realize you can do it now?Knowing how to control your anger and leading a happy life is something most people like to do and acquire. There are all types of pressure that you simply do not have to deal it yourself that are making your life hard.You can have a good life and not have to worry about when your next anger outbreak will be. With the right anger management exercises, you will be able to stop the problem before it occurs. With that in mind, Eddy believe that he can help people reduce their anger WITHOUT the use of DRUGS and THERAPY.
Article Source: http://babyboomerarticles.com

How will YOU get through the holidays?

2008-11-24T23:27:00.001-05:00

The holidays can be fun, but they also can be a source of great stress — and no wonder. The holidays are often depicted as a magical time when people reconcile and dreams come true.
How Can You Deal With Continuing Family Problems During The Holidays?
Being realistic is the first step. If you have bad feelings about someone, try and avoid him or her and not make an issue of it but don't pretend that all is well. This will enable you to feel true to yourself and less stressed out.
Do Financial Pressures Stress People Out to the Point of Ruining the Holiday Spirit?
Knowing your spending limit is also a way to relieve holiday stress. People believe that they have to go out and buy gifts because it's the holidays, even if they can't afford to do so. Not only is it stressful to feel that you have to buy everyone an expensive gift, but you'll be stressed for the rest of the year trying to pay off your bills. You can show love and caring by getting something that you know is meaningful and personal for that person that doesn't have to cost a lot.
How Do Time Pressures Affect People Around the Holidays?
People shouldn't have to put their lives on pause or totally rearrange their schedules either because of the holidays. Learn to prioritize the invitations you accept and don't feel that you have to go to every holiday gathering.
How Does a Person Deal With the Holidays When He or She Has Just Experienced A Recent Tragedy, Death or Romantic Break-up?
If you're feeling really out of sorts because of any chronic or current stressors, like a death or recent romantic break-up, you may want to avoid some of the festivities because they are so out of sync with how you're feeling. Try to tell those around you what you really need, since they may not know how to help you, and ask for their understanding if you decline an activity.
How Do You Cope With Kids Who Want Everything For The Holidays and Have No Sense of What Things Cost?
Parents need to tell their children to be realistic. It is OK to say to your child that a certain toy is too expensive. And even Santa Claus has limited funds and has to choose what to give because he has a very long list. You can also tell your children that Mom and Dad and Santa Claus will try to choose the most suitable present for the child. Children have to learn that their wish is not someone's command and to curb their desires for instant gratification.
What Are Some Good Coping Strategies?
Take stock of your expectations and make sure they're realistic. Don't expect more of this time of year than of any other. Take a break from holiday music and television specials if you find that they're turning you into "Scrooge."
Most people dread the holidays because their inner experience is so different from what is being hyped. You should trust your own instincts and don't try to be what you're not. Keep up your normal routine and know that this day will pass too.
If, however, you are unable to shake what you think are "holiday blues" your feelings may not be about the holidays, but about other things in your life. If you need help in sorting out or dealing with this issue, a licensed clinical social worker is a person with the training to help you do so. Call 502-419-1698

Trouble with Teens

2008-11-16T23:39:00.003-05:00

It seems that many people in Louisville are struggling with angry teens. Both boys and girls are pitching fits, screaming at parents, and refusing to go to school. Today, there was an excellent article in the Courier-Journal and, in case you didn't see it, I thought I'd share it with you. Hope to see you soon!

"Yes, you have to clean your room. No, you can't go to the party. Yes, you have to ride the school bus. GET UP!
Patricia Lorenz knows how hard it can be raising teens, and she knows it four times over.
"They fray the apron strings by being obnoxious little twerps," said Lorenz, whose brood is now grown, out of the house and doing great. "But that's their job. I don't ever remember wishing I could drop them off somewhere."
In Nebraska, that's exactly what's happening under a safe haven law that has stressed-out parents abandoning children as old as 17 without fear of prosecution. While the intent of such laws is to allow desperate mothers safe options for unwanted newborns, safe haven in Nebraska has gone awfully wrong, or is it terribly right?
Raising teenagers -- still kids in some ways, but old enough and big enough to think of themselves as full-in-control adults -- can be a frustrating experience far different from any other, parents say. And unlike the baby years, where there are new parents' gatherings, and relatives eager to help out, the teen parenting years can feel isolating and scary.
Some experts say the parents of teens who have turned their kids over to the state probably made a tough choice.
"In some ways what they're doing is an incredibly noble thing to do," said Betty Londergan, author of "The Agony and the Agony: Raising a Teenager Without Losing Your Mind."
"You can get so sideways with your kids, and to actually reach out for help is an incredibly valiant thing to do, as opposed to hitting them, or worse," she said.
Londergan, with a 17-year-old daughter from a previous marriage, and her husband, Larry Schall, moved to Atlanta from Swarthmore, Pa., three years ago. That made it difficult for Schall to spend regular quality time with his three kids from his first marriage. His son, then in ninth grade, grew increasing defiant and difficult to control.
After the teen disappeared for nearly two weeks, and faced other problems, the family spent thousands of dollars and months in agony for the teen to live for two months in a therapeutic wilderness program, followed by an alternative boarding school earlier this year. Schall says his child, now 17, is in a far better place.
"I know I am in a very small group of parents that could even consider doing this kind of intervention," Schall said. "And now (the teen's) college savings are gone. I would do the same today as I did a year ago. The experience has been transformative for all of us."
Those parents and others around the country have been closely following the saga in Nebraska. The state, the last in the nation to enact a safe haven law, didn't specify an age limit for child abandonments, making it the broadest measure on record and opening the floodgates for children as old as 17.
Since the law went into effect in July, 30 children have been dropped off at state-licensed hospitals. Many are teens and nearly all are older than 10, with some from as far away as Georgia, Michigan and Iowa.
Several parents or guardians who left children in Nebraska reported out-of-control behavior.
"Those people are saying, 'I've done the best I can and I can't do it anymore,' " said Dr. Jason Stein, a family therapist in Los Angeles. "That is a very telling piece of the story. It goes to the humility of being a parent. It's easy to judge and chastise these people, but they're actually making a very proactive decision, albeit not necessarily the best one."
Londergan and Schall, both 54, along with other parents of adolescents, empathize with the relentless pressure and frustration that come with the territory. The stress, they said, can be an isolating experience unique to the age.
Lorenz, 63, remembers it well. She divorced her husband after three kids and seven years of a troubled marriage. She remarried and had a fourth child, only to divorce again. Never earning more than $28,000 a year, she struggled alone, living in Wisconsin, far from relatives.
Now enjoying life on the flip side in Largo, Fla., Lorenz said she had kids in college every year for 17 years while making it as a writer, supporting her family working on radio commercials and renting out bedrooms to airline pilots passing through.
"It wasn't easy and it hurt twice as much when one of the kids rolled their eyes at me in disgust," she said.
While sympathy runs high for a parent dealing with a colicky infant, a towering teen screaming at a parent in a public place is more apt to bring annoying glares than soothing condolences from onlookers.
"Parents are almost always blamed," said Dr. Norman Hoffman, a family therapist in Ormond Beach, Fla., and author of the book "Bad Children Can Happen to Good Parents."
"It's like, 'What did I do wrong?' But there's hope in every city and every state. It's just a matter of understanding the ways in which to work with the system. You have to fight, you have to scream and shout for services."
"It's a tightrope that we walk for 18 years," Lorenz said. "Click your heels and say hallelujah because your struggles are going to make your children more capable and more interesting."

Stress and Your Memory

2008-11-09T22:02:00.003-05:00

Feeling stressed out? Having trouble remembering things like names, dates, appointments, assignments, etc.? You've probably heard me say that stress can cause everything from a hang nail to cancer and I do believe that's true. And one of the main symptoms of stress is memory problems. I talk to people every day who think they must be in the early stages of Alzheimer's because they forget names, faces, places, their keys, their sunglasses, etc. There are some fun and easy memory games that you can play either alone or with a friend or spouse. For example, think of 20 words that begin with K within 30 seconds or think of 10 words and find their opposites within 60 seconds. You can help sharpen your brain by making up other games too! It may now sound that amazing but testing has shown over the past several decades that this sort of thing can not only sharpen your memory, but also destresses you by taking your mind off your problems for a few minutes. Give it a try!

Negative Politial Ads and Your Mental Health

2008-11-03T09:46:00.003-05:00

How are you doing with all of the negative political ads that have hijacked the airwaves lately? Personally, I am so sick of them that I mute the TV no matter who comes on saying what. It is so sad that our country deteriorates in this way every time an election comes around. I think that for people who are already struggling with depression, anxiety, addictions of all kinds and stress of all kinds, it is just too much to deal with!!
Negativity of any kind is a tremendous stressor and is both a symptom and a result of depression and being "stressed-out to the max!"
I find the ads to be unbelieveably confusing and I think that's what the ad writers want. They must believe that if they just bombard you enough that when you go to vote you'll remember their candidates name in the best light and vote accordingly. Soon, it will all be over and hopefully the hostility and name-calling will begin to fade into the past! But, there's got to be a better way!!
See you this week!

Overcoming Adversity

2008-10-26T23:44:00.003-04:00

After watching this, you will never, ever complain again about anythng!! What an inspiration this man is!!

Hope to see you this week!

Alice

How to Talk to a Man...Communication Between Men and Women

2008-10-19T20:36:00.004-04:00

I can't think of anything we do more often ... AND ... mess up more often ... than the process of communication. In fact a large percentage of what we say gets misinterpreted, and a large percentage of what we hear is misunderstood.

A reader sent me an example. She said, "My husband and I were dressed and ready to go out for a New Year's Eve party. We turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on, covered our pet parakeet, and put the cat in the backyard. We phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi."

"The taxi arrived, and we opened the front door to leave the house. Unfortunately, the cat we put out in the yard, scooted back into the house. We didn't want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat the bird."

"So I went out to the taxi, while my husband went inside to get the cat. The cat ran upstairs, with my husband in hot pursuit. Waiting in the cab, I didn't want the driver to know that the house would be empty for the night. So I explained to the taxi driver that my husband would be out soon, that he was just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother."

"A few minutes later, my husband got into the cab. 'Sorry I took so long,' he said, as we drove away. 'That stupid thing was hiding under the bed. I had to poke her with a broom to get her to come out! She tried to take off, so I grabbed her by the neck. Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked! I hauled her butt downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!'"

"The cab driver sped off and hit a parked car, he was so shocked."

Well maybe you get shocked too ... when you try to communicate ... and the other person just doesn't "get" it. And that's especially true when you try to communicate with a person of the opposite gender. More often than not, there's a lack of communication.

That's why I developed and taught the first university course in the nation ... way back in the 1970's ... on "Communication Between The Sexes." And that's why I continue to research and teach on this topic in such venues as my annual marriage enrichment cruise.

Of course, you may be well aware of the fact that men and women DO NOT
understand each other much of the time. And there's a biological reason for that. Neuroscientists tell us men and women process information differently. When they're engaged in a mental task, for example, in the man's brain the areas involved in the task are concentrated in a few centers. In the woman's brain, multiple sites throughout the left and right hemispheres are active. So it's no wonder why men excel when focusing on one issue at a time while women have an edge when it comes to multitasking.

That being the case, let me address a very controversial topic: HOW DO YOU TALK TO A MAN? After all, I've heard so many women say, "Sometimes talking to the man in my life is like banging my head against a brick wall. He just doesn't listen, or he's irritated, and doesn't respond." So women ask, "What works when you talk to a man? How should I do it?"

Try these techniques.

=> 1. Describe the importance of what you're about to say.

Let the man know when you're about to say something that needs his
close attention. Tell him you want to have a serious talk.

In other words be direct. Women have higher concentrations of the
neurotransmitter dopamine in the part of the brain responsible for language
and memory. Put simply, many men just don't "get it" as quickly as women do when it comes to communication.

So be direct. If you want something, ask. Don't hint.

=> 2. Get rid of distractions.

As I said, men don't multitask as well as women. So don't expect to have a decent conversation with a man who is watching TV or reading a newspaper.

You may need to get out of your male boss' office or your husband's
workshop if he tends to look at those things or keep on fidgeting with
some task while you're talking.

=> 3. Ban the blame.

Don't open the conversation with an attack on his poor communication
skills. That almost never works.

Instead of saying, you never listen or you never remember from one day to the next what we talked about, start with a positive comment. It tends to warm up and open up the communication channels. Say something like, "I know you really care about our relationship," or "I have no doubt you want what's best for our department."

=> 4. Ask for what you want.

Men are programmed to solve a problem when presented with one. But a
solution may not be what the woman is after. Sometimes she simply wants
to vent frustrations or talk through potential solutions.

If you're a woman, you're much more likely to get the response you want if you tell the man what you want from the conversation. And tell him at the beginning of the conversation. You might say, "I'd like you to listen to some of the options I'm considering, but I don't want you to tell me what to do." Of course, if you do want an answer, ask him directly what he would do.

=> 5. Say what you mean.

As so many women say, "Why should I have to ask him to unload the
dishwasher? I want him to see that I'm tired and just do it."

Dr. Marianne Legato, the author of "Why Men Never Remember and Women
Never Forget," says that's baloney. In her words, "It's lovely when the people in our lives anticipate our needs, but expecting it without going to the trouble of making our needs known is nothing more than setting a trap."

You've got to SAY what you mean -- for a very simple reason. Men tend to miss or misread body language. Research has found that men have much more difficultly identifying facial expressions than women do, especially on the female face.

And women use a lot of facial expressions to communicate ... which leads to frustration for both parties. The woman feels she has communicated her needs through her rather obvious body language ... which the man may have missed. So he doesn't respond to her needs. The woman ends up feeling like her needs are being ignored, and the man feels exasperated by what he considers to be her unreadable body language.

So SAY what you mean. And going back to point four above, ASK for what
you want.

=> 6. Stay focused.

Don't generalize by saying, "You never finish on time." And don't drag up past history, such as "That's just like the time you forgot my birthday ten years ago."

Unfortunately, that's easier said than done. When women commit a situation to memory, research shows there's extra blood flow to the part of her brain that stores and retrieves those situations. So it's easier for women to bring up incidents from the past.

You've got to stick to the subject at hand. Stick to the current challenge. If you bring up too many situations, the chances of having a productive discussion are very slim.

=> 7. Don't talk too long.

In one of my presentations, I use a PowerPoint slide, showing a teacher
talking to her class. The caption reads, as the teacher talks, "It's my job to talk and your job to listen. I hope you don't finish your job before I do."

The same could be said about male-female communication. Men seem to
have less stamina for extended conversations than women do. So watch for
the clues that say he's bored or losing patience. There's not much use in pushing on if neither of you is at your best. It may take a few short talks ... rather than one long, dragged-out discussion ... to get the job done.

=> 8. Review the takeaways.

Boil down your 5, 10, or even 60 minute conversation into 1, 2, or 3 succinct take aways. Summarize the key points that were said, any decisions that were made, and what the next step will be -- if any. You increase the chances the conversation will stay in everyone's memory.

There is nothing in life more important than the ability to communicate effectively. And if you're going to communicate with a man, you will be well served if you start with these tips.

Staying Calm during Times of Financial Turmoil

2008-10-12T20:14:00.003-04:00

The financial news is bad and getting worse every day.
How do you stay calm and hang on to your investments? How do you resist the urge to panic?
"I don't pay any attention to how I'm doing. I only open my investment statements once a year," says Dan Richards, president of Strategic Imperatives Corp., who helps train financial advisers.
He files his statements and opens them in December, when he meets with his own financial adviser. That's when they review his investments and tweak them for the coming year.
This would be a strategy that best applies to long-term investors holding diversified mutual or exchange-traded funds, as opposed to individual stocks.
Ask him how much his portfolio has dropped this year and he can honestly say he doesn't know.
"My solution is that I just don't think about it. I haven't looked at my account online or on paper since the beginning of January."

A woman named Heather has this to say:

"My husband and I have a significant (to us) amount of money invested in mutual funds. The failure of the Wall Street bailout to pass the House caused the Dow to drop 777 points yesterday - the largest one-day point drop in history.I track our investment portfolio in Microsoft Money, and when I signed on yesterday, I nearly had a stroke! We lost $1500. In ONE day. Add that to the consistent quarterly losses that we've endured over the course of the last year, and you have the formula for severe depression.I'm not a person who is comfortable with financial risk, and a loss like this is very upsetting to me. I know that we're not the only people in this situation, and while I'm not a financial expert by any means, I do hope that I can offer some words of comfort to those of you who may be struggling with fear and anxiety during these trying economic times. Here are just a few thoughts:1) Don't panic! Remember that retirement investing is long term investing, and people who wait out dips in the market are typically much better off in the long run than those who panic and sell. Timing the market usually doesn't work - don't make long term mistakes based on short term events.2) Remember that there have been markets like this before. In the 11 years that I've been investing, I can remember 2 - 1998 and 2002- and each time it felt like the world was coming to an end. However, each time turned out to be much shorter lived than we thought it would be. In 2002 we had a definite recession, and some stocks that lost two thirds of their value regained it all within 12 months. While past performance does not guarantee future results, this is still encouraging to know!3) Now is the time for thrift. If you haven't started saving toward an emergency fund, start now! Even if you can only save $10 a week, it's better than nothing! Your ultimate goal should be to save 3-6 months of gross income. My husband and I currently have 6 months of gross income in a savings account that yields about 3% interest. I can't tell you what a comfort that cushion is to us! We know that if my husband gets hurt or sick, or his workload drops drastically, we have something to fall back on. During scary economic times when everything seems out of control, frugality can help you regain control of your money, which will help you feel safer and less anxious. "

Dr. Cash returns from Italy trip!

2008-10-05T11:52:00.003-04:00

Hello to all my clients, former clients and friends of Crescent Hill Counseling! I returned last night from a wonderful two-week trip to Rome, Florence, and Sorrento, Italy! We had a great time and ate our way through each city as we saw famous art, sculpture, and architecture. I missed each and everyone of you though and look forward to seeing you in the next weeks and hearing about how your lives are going! You'll see a small photo-album in the waiting area outside my office and I hope you'll flip through if you're interested! Here is this weeks article:

Coping with Change

It’s been said that the only constant in our world today is change. As we look back over our marriage to this point, we would have to agree.
We have faced our fair share of uncertainty, surprises and transitions. In a period of just eight years, we experienced:
A move into our dream home, which Denise had designed
The loss of this home, along with a business
Three forced changes of careers
A move away from our family and friends in Northern Ontario to Toronto then to Vancouver
The loss of Denise’s father to leukemia in 6 weeks
The words “imposed change” were part of the fabric of our life, and on the stress scale, we should not have made it as a couple.
Coping with change is never easy. Most of us resist it, because we are comfortable and secure in our world as we know it. And yet, if change is an inevitable reality of life (and it is), then we’d better be prepared to respond when the unexpected comes knocking on our door.
We’d like to share with you some principles for dealing with change, which we developed as we moved through these experiences. Because change comes in countless different forms, every situation is unique. Nevertheless, these lessons will be helpful for you to keep in mind and adapt to whatever circumstances you may face.
1. Recognize That You are in Change
As we have said, most of us have a natural aversion to change. We have a tendency to want to stick our heads in the sand and hope that it will go away by the time we come up for air.
This strategy may provide short-term relief, but it never helps in the long-run. Denial does not make our problems disappear; instead it usually makes things worse by giving us less time to think through a reasoned response. Instead, when unexpected circumstances arise, it is best to face them head on.
2. Honestly Face Your Fears
Not every person has the same tolerance to risk. Some adventurous souls actually relish the adventure of new situations. Others like their life exactly as it is: nice and predictable. For these people, the idea of change produces fear. We recommend developing an accountability relationship with another person. An accountability partner can give you the encouragement you need to press on.
3. Communicate, Communicate, Communicate!
John Kotter, Management Consultant and Author, writes that one error leaders make during times of change is that they underestimate the issue of communication by a factor of 10. Certainly the same is true of couples. In order to successfully navigate change as a couple, it is vital that you be on the same page with one another. You need to know how your spouse feels about the impending transition. You also need one another’s wisdom and ideas as you explore all of your options.
If you are approaching a major change in your life, set aside a special date night to talk through the issues with your spouse. Coping with change is difficult enough when we are united; it is much harder when we are pulling in different directions.
4. Take Stock of Your Resources
Anytime unforeseen circumstances arise, a key step is to evaluate the resources you have at your disposal as you deal with the issue. Depending on the specific situation you are facing, your relevant resources could include finances, time, skills, or even other people in your life that can help you through the adjustment.
At times, change might require you to make some tough decisions, like perhaps re-working your budget. For us, it meant the sale of our dream home, to pay off debt. You may need to seek some outside counsel from someone on this.
5. Anticipate Stress
Change is rarely easy; it is often a source of great stress. To make matters worse, you and your spouse may deal with it completely differently. We would suggest that both of you obtain an assessment on your individual styles and how you each handle stress. This will help you to understand one another’s stress reactions and will enable you to work together more effectively.
Times of intense pressure can either pull you together or push you apart. Stress will come, and you need to ensure that it does not divide and conquer.

by Dr. Bruce and Denise Gordon, with Glen Hoos

Coping with Sunday's Windstorm

2008-09-16T12:30:00.003-04:00

I hope you've survived the unbelievable windstorm we had Sunday afternoon! I'm enclosed some tips for coping with disasters. See you soon!

Coping with Natural Disasters

These events create a tremendous amount of stress and anxiety for those directly and indirectly affected. In the days and weeks following the disaster, you may begin to have some of these common reactions:
Common Reactions
Disbelief and shock
Fear and anxiety about the future
Disorientation; difficulty making decisions or concentrating
Apathy and emotional numbing
Nightmares and reoccurring thoughts about the event
Irritability and anger
Sadness and depression
Feeling powerless
Changes in eating patterns; loss of appetite or overeating
Crying for “no apparent reason”
Headaches, back pains and stomach problems
Difficulty sleeping or falling asleep
Increased use of alcohol and drugs
Tips for Coping
It is ‘normal’ to have difficulty managing your feelings after major traumatic events. However, if you don’t deal with the stress, it can be harmful to your mental and physical health. Here are some tips for coping in these difficult times:
Talk about it. By talking with others about the event, you can relieve stress and realize that others share your feelings.
Spend time with friends and family. They can help you through this tough time. If your family lives outside the area, stay in touch by phone. If you have any children, encourage them to share their concerns and feelings about the disaster with you.
Take care of yourself. Get plenty of rest and exercise, and eat properly. If you smoke or drink coffee, try to limit your intake, since nicotine and caffeine can also add to your stress.
Limit exposure to images of the disaster. Watching or reading news about the event over and over again will only increase your stress.
Find time for activities you enjoy. Read a book, go for a walk, catch a movie or do something else you find enjoyable. These healthy activities can help you get your mind off the disaster and keep the stress in check.
Take one thing at a time. For people under stress, an ordinary workload can sometimes seem unbearable. Pick one urgent task and work on it. Once you accomplish that task, choose the next one. “Checking off” tasks will give you a sense of accomplishment and make things feel less overwhelming.
Do something positive. Give blood, prepare “care packages” for people who have lost relatives or their homes or jobs, or volunteer in a rebuilding effort. Helping other people can give you a sense of purpose in a situation that feels ‘out of your control.’
Avoid drugs and excessive drinking. Drugs and alcohol may temporarily seem to remove stress, but in the long run they generally create additional problems that compound the stress you were already feeling.
Ask for help when you need it. If your feelings do not go away or are so intense that they interfere with your ability to function in daily life, talk with a trusted relative, friend, doctor or spiritual advisor about getting help. Make an appointment with a mental health professional to discuss how well you are coping with the recent events. You could also join a support group. Don’t try to cope alone. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness

Therapy for the Soul

2008-09-07T23:26:00.003-04:00

Life can be tough. One of the best things we can do is cling to those we love and let them know how much they mean to us. Family and friends are more important than any amount of money in the world. Give yourself and your mental health and boost and watch this little video...http://www.bettertobless.com/movie3.html
And have a wonderful week! Hope to see you!

Choose Your thoughts carefully!

2008-09-01T20:56:00.004-04:00

Hello Everyone! Hope you've had a good Labor Day holiday and ready to go back to school/work tomorrow! I've had a wonderful, restful day and gotten some good planning done for my own Fall semester in the School of Life! Just wanted to share this good piece with you on the importance of your thoughts!

"Thinking is one of the daily aspects of linear living. Everything you participate with right down to the brand of toothpaste you use is a thought process. It's something you do automatically without understanding the grandness of what is occurring. Every time you think of something it manifests itself into your daily routine. All occurrences and experience in linear are a result of your thoughts. Often we are asked to define what will occur with one's life. A more informative answer would be for us to ask the questioner what their thoughts include. Are they positive? Negative? Or are they a jumble of randomness with no direction? We find that the more troubled the individual is the more scrambled is their thought process. Our advice is to understand how important thinking is. If you are currently dissatisfied with your life for any reason take the time to examine your thoughts. If you are truthful with yourself you will be able to see the process that has brought you to where you are now. How do you change it? Start by carefully examining what you think about but more importantly how you think. Consider it. Your thought creates your reality. Would it not be a comfort to change those things that are unsuitable for you? It is within your power. Thoughts are the most powerful tool in the universe and they are right there in your head."

More back-to-school tips for you and your child!

2008-08-26T09:14:00.002-04:00

Survival Tips
Here are some more things that can help put you ahead in school:
The old saying "breakfast is the most important meal of the day" is never more true than when you're going to school. Students are more alert and perform better in class if they eat a good breakfast.
Get enough sleep. Studies show that teens need at least 8½ hours of sleep each night to feel rested. Sleep deprivation can lead students to fall asleep in class (embarrassing if you're caught!) and can also make it hard to concentrate. It can be more productive to get the sleep you need than it is to stay up late cramming: A recent study found that students who got adequate sleep before a math test were nearly three times more likely to figure out the problem than those who stayed up all night.
Do more at school and you'll have less to do at home. Take advantage of those times during the school day when you're not in class: Review notes, go to the library or computer lab, get a head-start on your homework, or research that big term paper. You'll be thankful later while you're at the mall or a concert and your classmates are stuck at home cramming!
One of the best ways to make friends and learn your way around is by joining school clubs, sports teams, and activities. Even if you can't kick a 30-yard field goal or sing a solo, getting involved in other ways — going to a school play, helping with a bake sale, or cheering on friends at a swim meet — can help you feel like a part of things.
School is a time to make friends and try new things, but it's also a place to learn skills like organization and decision making that will come in handy for the rest of your life.
Reviewed by: Steven Dowshen, MDDate reviewed: August 2007Originally reviewed by: David B. Waldman, MA

Back-to-School Tips for Parents!

2008-08-11T22:27:00.004-04:00

Getting a new school year off to a good start can influence children’s attitude, confidence, and performance both socially and academically. The transition from August to September can be difficult for both children and parents. Even children who are eager to return to class must adjust to the greater levels of activity, structure, and, for some, pressures associated with school life.

The degree of adjustment depends on the child, but parents can help their children (and the rest of the family) manage the increased pace of life by planning ahead, being realistic, and maintaining a positive attitude. Here are a few suggestions to help ease the transition and promote a successful school experience.
Before School Starts
Good physical and mental health. Be sure your child is in good physical and mental health. Schedule doctor and dental checkups early. Discuss any concerns you have over your child’s emotional or psychological development with your pediatrician. Your doctor can help determine if your concerns are normal, age-appropriate issues or require further assessment. Your child will benefit if you can identify and begin addressing a potential issue before school starts. Schools appreciate the efforts of parents to remedy problems as soon as they are recognized.
Review all of the information. Review the material sent by the school as soon as it arrives. These packets include important information about your child’s teacher, room number, school supply requirements, sign ups for after-school sports and activities, school calendar dates, bus transportation, health and emergency forms, and volunteer opportunities.
Mark your calendar. Make a note of important dates, especially back-to-school nights. This is especially important if you have children in more than one school and need to juggle obligations. Arrange for a babysitter now, if necessary.
Make copies. Make copies of all your child’s health and emergency information for reference. Health forms are typically good for more than a year and can be used again for camps, extracurricular activities, and the following school year.
Buy school supplies early. Try to get the supplies as early as possible and fill the backpacks a week or two before school starts. Older children can help do this, but make sure they use a checklist that you can review. Some teachers require specific supplies, so save receipts for items that you may need to return later.
Re-establish the bedtime and mealtime routines. Plan to re-establish the bedtime and mealtime routines (especially breakfast) at least 1 week before school starts. Prepare your child for this change by talking with your child about the benefits of school routines in terms of not becoming over tired or overwhelmed by school work and activities. Include pre-bedtime reading and household chores if these were suspended during the summer.
Turn off the TV. Encourage your child to play quiet games, do puzzles, flash cards, color, or read as early morning activities instead of watching television. This will help ease your child into the learning process and school routine. If possible, maintain this practice throughout the school year. Television is distracting for many children, and your child will arrive at school better prepared to learn each morning if he or she has engaged in less passive activities.
Visit school with your child. If your child is young or in a new school, visit the school with your child. Meeting the teacher, locating their classroom, locker, lunchroom, etc., will help ease pre-school anxieties and also allow your child to ask questions about the new environment. Call ahead to make sure the teachers will be available to introduce themselves to your child.
Minimize clothes shopping woes. Buy only the essentials. Summer clothes are usually fine during the early fall, but be sure to have at least one pair of sturdy shoes. Check with your school to confirm dress code guidelines. Common concerns include extremely short skirts and shorts, low rise pants, bare midriffs, spaghetti strap or halter tops, exposed undergarments, and clothing that have antisocial messages.
Designate and clear a place to do homework. Older children should have the option of studying in their room or a quiet area of the house. Younger children usually need an area set aside in the family room or kitchen to facilitate adult monitoring, supervision, and encouragement.
Select a spot to keep backpacks and lunch boxes. Designate a spot for your children to place their school belongings as well as a place to put important notices and information sent home for you to see. Explain that emptying their backpack each evening is part of their responsibility, even for young children.
Freeze a few easy dinners. It will be much easier on you if you have dinner prepared so that meal preparation will not add to household tensions during the first week of school.

By Ted Feinberg, EdD, NCSP, & Katherine C. Cowan National Association of School Psychologists

Benefits of helping others

2008-08-10T22:22:00.002-04:00

When you become detached mentally from yourself and concentrate on helping other people with their difficulties, you will be able to cope with your own more effectively.

Somehow, the act of self-giving is a personal power-releasing factor.
- Norman Vincent Peale
************************************************************************************ESPAVO.............. "There is no exercise better for the heart than reaching down and lifting people up." - John Andrew Holmes Jr. -

What is a phobia? What can be done?

2008-08-03T16:48:00.004-04:00

Do you believe that you might have a phobia? Plenty of people do! Some of the phobias that we hear about are:

fear of spiders and snakes

fear of public speaking

fear of flying

fear of small, enclosed spaces

fear of having certain illnesses

What keeps people from getting treatment for these often-debilitating disorders? Actually, it's the fear of what someone else might say or think about getting help for a problem like this. It's not logical but then many of the things we are taught about the way life works are not logical. Some people are lucky enough to wake up one day and say, "wait a second, my mother, father, sister, brother, teacher, coach or baby-sitter may have told me that _________ was true, or would happen if I do ______. but that's crazy!" I'm going to get some more information on this ( or that) and try doing things or thinking about this in a new, improved way!"

What freedom and empowerment this brings to people. I see it happen every day and it's what makes me love being a therapist/counselor. Are YOU ready to look at your fears and "stinkin' thinkin'?" Please give me a call at 419-1698 and set up an appointment.

A Message from Louise Hay

2008-07-30T22:00:00.002-04:00

Experience Your Own Freedom of Choice

Write down all the shoulds in your life. All the things you feel guilty about and feel that you should be doing. Now examine each should and ask yourself:

Why have I not done this?
Do I really want to do it?

Stay with each one until you get a satisfactory and honest answer. Feeling guilty about something we don’t want to do but feel we should do is giving away our own personal power. Who is trying to manipulate you through guilt? Your answers will enable you to release these old patterns or to realize what areas you really need to work on.

Turn every should in your life to a could, both for yourself and for others. Drop the word should from your vocabulary. Drop the concept of should from your mind. Replace both the word and the concept with could. Should is limiting, could is choice.

I Should…
I Could…if I wanted to

All the shoulds and the should-nots in your life are just trying to live up to someone else’s idea of acceptable behavior. Let your own Power of Freedom decide what you want to do and what would be best for you not to do. Free yourself from the tyranny of shoulds. Come from Freedom of Choice.

Affirm today: I stand tall and free. I am strong and confident in all that I do.

How do you know if you need therapy?

2008-07-27T20:30:00.002-04:00

Obviously, this is not a "one size fits all question." I'd like to give you an overview, however, of what the web has to say about this.
"Things aren't going well. You leave for work with a sense of dread and come home half-dead with fatigue. You fight incessantly with those you love-or can't find anyone to love. The toll of smoking or excessive drinking is obvious, even to you, but you keep on doing it.
Maybe something happened to knock you off balance. You lost your job a month ago, and now it's hard to get up and get dressed. A friend is terminally ill, and you can't put thoughts of him out of your mind. Since that emergency landing at O'Hare, every business trip gives you nightmares.
Or there's nothing really wrong, nothing you can put a finger on. But one day you realize that you've been struggling through the motions in a miasma of low-level discomfort and dissatisfaction. Whatever you do doesn't seem like the right thing, and none of it gives much pleasure.
What are you going to do? There's no shortage of books to tell you how to heal whatever ails you, no lack of talk-show gurus with wise advice on everything from beating the blues to finding lasting love or the job of your dreams. Maybe you've assembled your own little arsenal of strategies that help when the burdens get heavy and the skies refuse to brighten: taking a long, strenuous walk, a hot bath, a vacation. Volunteering at a soup kitchen. Cultivating your garden.
Friends and family are an age-old source of solace in times of trouble. Human beings are essentially social creatures; we need each other, and a sympathetic ear, an encouraging word can work wonders. It's been shown that simply having a confidant-someone you can trust to listen and care-reduces stress, eases anxiety, and lifts mood.
But sometimes the usual fixes just don't work; you know you've got a problem, and it's not about to go away. And the question comes up, moves up rapidly from the back of your mind (or perhaps it's suggested-diplomatically or otherwise-by a friend or loved one): should you go for therapy?
What Is Psychotherapy?
We all know what therapy is-until we try to pin it down, and realize how many very different things have come to carry the label. "Therapy" can last six weeks or six years. It may involve two people-you and the therapist-or your whole family, or even a group of strangers. You may talk about today's crisis or last night's dreams, or events you can scarcely remember. You may be encouraged to keep a diary of your thoughts, or to free-associate. To pound pillows or to take pills.
What do they all have in common? No matter what particular form therapy takes, the essence is an ongoing relationship. Researchers who seek to find what makes therapy successful return again and again to that central fact: whatever else happens, the closeness and trust between patient and therapist-what is called the "therapeutic alliance"-is a key factor. It even appears to be important when medication is the main treatment.
Therapy is a unique type of relationship, and what makes it valuable is what sets it apart from friendships, working partnerships, family connections, and love affairs. Its purpose is well defined: understanding and change. It comes into being, that is, to help you identify and understand dysfunctional ways of thinking, feeling, and acting, and to generate more productive and satisfying ways of thinking, feeling, and acting.
Friends and family members want to help us when we're in distress, and the advice they offer (with or without solicitation) can be useful. But the kind of counsel you'll get from a therapist is different. Rather than being simply instructive ("Here's what you ought to do"), it's likely intended to be a catalyst, to quicken your own ability to work things out. " This is an excerpt of a book by Carl Sherman called "How do you know if you need therapy." If you're getting this newletter, chances are that you're now in therapy. Just thought you'd enjoy it anyway and want to know more perhaps??

You ALWAYS have a choice; did you know that?

2008-07-20T16:28:00.002-04:00

You don't have to buy from anyone.
You don't have to work at any particular job.
You don't have to participate in any given relationship.
You can choose.
You steer the course you choose in the directionof where you want to be today, tomorrow,or in a distant time to come.
You hold the tiller.
You can decide to alter the course of your life at any time.
No one can ever take that away from you.
You can decide what you want and go after it.
It's always your next move.

Isn't that good news? I'll be happy to talk more with you about this!

Dr. Alice

A few tips to get your week started right!!

2008-07-13T12:07:00.002-04:00

Hi Friends,

Just got this in my Inbox and thought it was worth sharing with you all! Hope it's helpful!

Dr. Alice

Never borrow from the future. If you worry about what may happen tomorrow and it doesn't happen, you have worried in vain. Even if it does happen, you have to worry twice.

1. Pray.

2. Go to bed on time.

3. Get up on time so you can start the day unrushed.

4. Say No to projects that won't fit into your time schedule, or that will compromise your mental health.

5. Delegate tasks to capable others.

6. Simplify and unclutter your life.

7. Less is more. (Although one is often not enough, two are often too many.)

8. Allow extra time to do things and to get to places.

9. Pace yourself. Spread out big changes and difficult projects over time; don't lump the hard things all together.

10. Take one day at a time.

11. Separate worries from concerns. If a situation is a concern, find out what God would have you do and let go of the anxiety. If you can't do anything about a situation, forget it.

12. Live within your budget; don't use credit cards for ordinary purchases.

13. Have backups; an extra car key in your wallet, an extra house key buried in the garden, extra stamps, etc.

14. K.M.S. (Keep Mouth Shut). This single piece of advice can prevent an enormous amount of trouble.

15. Do something for the Kid in You.

16. Carry a book with you to read while waiting in line.

17. Get enough rest.

18. Eat right.

19. Get organized so everything has its place.

20. Listen to a tape while driving that can help improve your quality of life.

21. Write down thoughts and inspirations.

22. Every day, find time to be alone.

23. Having problems? Talk to God on the spot. Try to nip small problems in the bud. Don't wait until it's time to go to bed to try and pray.

24. Make friends with good people.

25. Keep a folder of favorite sayings on hand.

26. Remember that the shortest bridge between despair and hope is often a good "Thank you Lord."

27. Laugh.

28. Laugh some more!

29. Take your work seriously, but not yourself at all.

30. Develop a forgiving attitude (most people are doing the best they can).

31. Be kind to unkind people (they probably need it the most).

32. Sit on your ego.

33. Talk less; listen more.

34. Slow down.

35. Remind yourself that you are not the general manager of the universe.

36. Every night before bed, think of one thing you're grateful for that you've never been grateful for before.

Good Food for Thought!

2008-07-08T22:33:00.002-04:00

The present is defined by a confluence of your thoughts, otherwise known as your beliefs.

The future is what you experience when your beliefs change.

Time measures how much energy or effort you require to change your thoughts, or, the degree of conflict between old and new thinking. And space shows exactly what you're now thinking about.

And the one, universal, immovable, unifying equation that sums up all things physical and metaphysical, is.... Thoughts Become Things. Which is all you really need to know.
~~Mike Dooley~~
************************************************************************************"When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, "I used everything you gave me".Erma Bombeck

Fireworks, bottle rockets and Elvis: How to enjoy this 4th of July safely

2008-07-03T22:42:00.001-04:00

I really hate negative stories and nervous Nellies, but that’s what I have come down to today.
Please be careful shooting fireworks.
I read that Elvis and his friends used to shoot bottle rockets at each other for fun. Bad idea. Stupid. (I am a big fan of the King). First there are the hand injuries. I have seen amputations due to fireworks. Then the burns on the body and clothes catching on fire. Eye injuries, even blindness, occur every year.
According to the CDC, 9,200 people went to the emergency room in 2006 for fireworks-related injuries. Five percent were hospitalized; 11 died. In 2004, fireworks caused at least 2,200 fires. It’s very disheartening for me, not to mention the patient and the family, to see someone who has an eye put out due to a preventable cause.
If you do shoot fireworks, at least being extremely, extremely careful: Wear goggles and don’t let children play with them. Take the dangers seriously. Most injuries are from common bottle rockets and firecrackers because they are used the most and taken lightly. Sparklers account for up to one-third of fireworks burns in children under 5.
In an article for American Council on Science and Health, LASIK surgeon Emil William Chynn, M.D., F.A.C.S., M.B.A., suggests having a bucket of water nearby. “In case of eye injury, do not touch the eye,” he says. “Tape a clean paper cup over the eye to prevent contamination or further injury” and seek professional help immediately.
In the end, why not just leave it to the professionals and watch the community display this year? Have fun, eat watermelon (good nutrition) and enjoy the fireworks from afar.
What are your plans? Any public activities you’d like to point out?

Do you have fibromyalgia?

2008-06-27T10:54:00.003-04:00

One of the most frequent diagnoses that I help people cope with is fibromyalgia. Doctors used to think this was "made-up" and just the result of people having a few little aches and pains and blowing them out of proportion. Today we know that fibromyalgia is real and there are things you can do about it! Please read this article:

Maintaining a Positive Attitude: Ten Strategies

"Have a positive attitude." How many times have we heard that one? While our emotions can not cause fibromyalgia or chronic fatigue syndrome, they no doubt affect our symptoms. But how can we maintain good thoughts when our bodies feel so lousy? This challenge, of course, does not pertain exclusively to chronic illness, but to any time when things do not go as we wish. But in the case of ongoing illness, seeing the positive presents a continuous struggle.
Yet our moods are not perfectly correlated with our physical state. Most likely we can all recall times that despite much pain or fatigue, we were able to cope and even achieve high spirits. Perhaps the weather was perfect, good friends visited, we just accomplished something or helped somebody, making us feel good about ourselves. Other times, depression seems to take hold even when our physical discomfort is at a manageable level. Why is this? Answering this question is the key to finding optimism.

To me, the vicissitudes of fibromyalgia feel like a swim in the turbulent sea -- sometimes it seems we have fallen and the waves continue to crash on our heads, as we fight to rise, only to be knocked down yet again. But that same ocean sometimes allows us to find a wave we can ride smoothly to the shore.

What can we do when we feel under the waves? How can we find the strength to climb back on top, and the patience to know that we will? Here are ten cognitive exercises I use to maintain the most positive attitude I can:

1. Expect bumps! It is important to acknowledge that we will sometimes feel down. Who wouldn't in our condition? But by expecting rather than dreading down time, such periods become more tolerable. In addition, recognizing that we will have blue periods helps keep them in perspective. We will be able to say to ourselves, "I was depressed before, and got out of it; this time, too, it will pass." It is easy to forget that before our illness, there were times we felt down. Now these periods are wrapped up in our medical problems; but everyone gets depressed some of the time. After accepting that we will sometimes feel sad, and even experience self pity, we can concentrate on ways to shorten these periods and make them fewer and farther between.
2. Track the changes. Keeping track of moods helps put ups and downs into perspective. During your best times, make a conscious attempt to capture the feeling. Leave notes on your wall attesting to the way you feel. Living with chronic illness easily creates a Jekyll-and-Hyde persona, where your optimistic self and your flare-up self are not sufficiently acquainted. When we feel bad, it becomes quite difficult to imagine that things can be otherwise. Similarly, during times of improvement, it's amazing how quickly we may forget how bad a previous period was, making subsequent flare-ups not only intolerable but shocking. Counting and measuring the duration of the bad times -- as well as the good ones -- can put them into perspective. It may be that over time, our worst occurs about once a month, although it feels much more frequent. This knowledge is empowering, because we can remind ourselves that a bad flare is, for example, our monthly temporary setback, and find ways to ride it out until our baseline returns.
3. Stockpile fun distractions. We all need to keep lists handy of the things that make us happy. One of the cruelties of our condition is that when we need distractions most, we are least equipped to seek them out. For this reason it is important to compile a list of our favorite activities when we are feeling optimistic to be used when we most need them. People with fibromyalgia often describe how even their worst pain can be put on a back burner, so to speak, when they become engrossed in an activity. This is not only a psychological but a physiological response: our brains can only process so much input at once. When we are engrossed in a beautiful movie, talking to a good friend on the phone, or listening to our favorite music while lying on a heating pad or in the bathtub, we can trick our pain receptors into leaving us alone! Meanwhile improvements in spirit have an added impact on our entire well-being. Laughter is good medicine; while dwelling on our troubles tends to compound them.
4. Shape your perspective. Is the glass half empty or half full? Perspective determines, quite literally, how we view the world. Having a chronic illness creates an ambiguous construction of reality for us. Am I, for example, a successful cripple or an unsuccessful professional? In American culture, much emphasis is placed on independence, individualism, and achievement. Through this lens, developing a condition that makes us feel more dependent and less productive is likely to be a huge disappointment. Yet as we get older, it becomes more likely that we, or somebody close to us, will experience debilitating problems. People are often forced to adapt to sudden, new conditions by adopting a perspective that accommodates change. Our perspectives are shaped by the comparisons we make and the expectations they create. Consider, for example, the immigrant who had been practicing medicine in his home country, but flees to the US to escape a repressive political regime. Here he works as a janitor; after years of medical study, he has lost a prestigious and rewarding occupation. Yet he is thankful for the opportunity to work and wakes each day driven by hope, perhaps, of a better future for his children. Yet his difficulties are also quite apparent. What keeps his spirits up and makes him thankful rather than bitter? His perspective.
5. Create a new self. If we hang on tightly to the "old self" we were, finding the value of our "new self" becomes increasingly difficult. (We may even exaggerate how fit that person was: "I didn't need any sleep, I never felt bad, I could do anything!"). This does not mean we should totally discard our previous conception of self; rather, we need to find a way to integrate the two. In other words, we should seek to find in our new bodies new ways to enjoy and experience the things that we had done before. Consider all the aspects of yourself that you like, and the things that you most want to do; then step by step, find ways to achieve as many of these as you can. At the same time, recognize that our expectations must shift so that we can once again meet them.
6. Don't forget the good stuff. While the physical symptoms of fibromyalgia can feel all-encompassing, there are other parts of our life--our social relationships, passions, family -- that also exist. By focusing on the positive aspects of our life, we become more aware of how many there are: the friends that stuck by us, the things we still enjoy, and the accomplishments we have been able to make, however small, under very different conditions. Because each task now represents a challenge, we should celebrate whatever we manage to accomplish. As we have been told many times, if we shorten the list and pace ourselves whatever we do eventually adds up to something to be very proud of.
7. "Oy, it could be worse." (The Jewish mantra). As comparisons shape our view, it is helpful to find comparisons that will provide a fuller appreciation for what has befallen us. OK, the "eat because children are starving in (fill in the developing country)" did not work for you as a child. But try to think of it this way: Many bad things happen in the world. The odds are that some of them will happen to us. Not because of anything that we have done, but because, as the saying goes, shit happens. It takes only a short view of the evening news to remind ourselves of the horrors occurring every day. So, this is what has happened to us. We too were caught. Let us examine what we have: (a) We know our condition is not terminal, so we need not begin contemplating our pending mortality. (b) As bad as we sometimes feel, our underlying condition is not going to get worse. We have already experienced the worst, and, to our credit, have gotten through it. (c) Although few people achieve permanent remission, many improve significantly. As we understand how our actions and emotions influence our general well-being, we can find ways to partake in more and more activities.
8. Keep the hope alive! There is so much room for hope. It has only been since the 1990s that our condition has acquired any legitimacy from the medical community. We are in a far better position than the generations before us who suffered without ever receiving validation. We know much more about the important roles of exercise, medication, stretching, pacing and meditation to bring relief and a sense of control. Furthermore, as medical research increases, it is only a matter of time before better therapies (and perhaps even a cure!) are introduced.
9. Lean on me! A single most important predictor of how we do is the support network we create. We certainly appreciate what it means when someone helps us when we feel especially lousy. Make sure that, within your means, you continue to be a good friend to those you care about. We still have lots to give. During a good moment, write to a friend that you are thinking about her. Help your family and friends find ways to maintain their relationship with you. Invite them to your place to eliminate traveling (and do not worry what your place looks like! They came to see you, not your housecleaning abilities). Try to be open with family members, while at the same time supportive of their needs. Put yourself in their shoes as often as possible -- it can be scary to have someone you love be sick! Also make sure to seek help outside of your immediate circle so as not to drain your closest friends and family. There are now all sorts of support groups, both live and in virtual computer space.
10. Indulge whenever you can. We have lots of time to focus on our thoughts. Most people do not have the luxury of taking time to relax and think. OK, we did not ask for these "time outs." They are demanded by the needs of our bodies. Nevertheless, we have control over how we use this extra time. Instead of dwelling on what our bodies are not doing, give your fantasy full liberty. Turn these rest periods around to be indulgent time. In our mental playground, we can practice dance steps we used to know (for there will be some times we can dance!). We can use the time to think through problems we face and how we want to spend time when we are feeling ready, or we can analyze a movie we recently saw, say prayers, or mentally write a letter to a friend. The article you are now reading is a product of a spell in the middle of the night, when I lay in bed, unable to sleep. After taking steps to make myself more comfortable, I decided to think about what I would write next. I figured that if I fell asleep, great! But if not, I'd have thought through my next article. It was about this point when I, satisfied, went off to dreamland.

Deborah A. Barrett has a Ph.D. in Sociology from Stanford University. Since then she has worked as a postdoctoral fellow at University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, Emory University, and Duke University.

How do you remember your father?

2008-06-15T21:16:00.003-04:00

It’s an unfortunate fact of life that parenthood comes with no instructions. It can be tough to balance everything in life, especially since every father-child relationship has its own unique challenges. Although there are no clear-cut methods to successful parenthood, there are some habits you can develop as a father to ensure that you are prioritizing the right things, and to guarantee that your family sees you as a real hero.
1- Being consistent It may seem like children love the inconsistency of chaos, but what kids really need the most is a solid structure to learn and grow from. For that reason, consistency in parenting is vital to a child's sense of security, and integral to their behavioral development.There are two important aspects to behaving consistently as a father. The first is to ensure that what you say is actually what you do. Every child needs to believe she has a dependable father, so if you promise you’ll make it to the soccer game or take her to the zoo or make her favorite dinner, it’s important to follow through no matter what comes up in the meantime. If your child believes your word, trust will soon follow. The second side to consistency is structure in discipline. Remember that your kids aren’t perfect -- despite what you may think -- and they need guidance. It can be hard to discipline your children because you’re ready to stand at their defense no matter what. But remember that rules and structure are important in life and the earlier they learn that, the easier their lives will be. Rules are there for a reason and you need to make sure your children understand this.
2- Scheduling family recreation Although it's necessary to work hard all week, you also need to plan some fun activities for downtime and stick to them. It is far too easy to just assume that family time will come naturally when the weekend arrives. Unfortunately, work spillover, visits from family members or home improvement projects -- just to name a few scenarios -- can easily take that time away.Not to mention that as your kids develop their own social schedules, they’ll quickly let quality time with their families slip away. For this reason, advanced planning is crucial in maintaining this important aspect of your family life. Just like you’ll keep New Year’s resolutions more often if you write them down as a promise, making appointments with your family will make time with them a priority -- for both you and them.
3- Keeping stress to yourself This can be difficult, but the fact is there are better outlets for your stress than your children. Kids shouldn’t have to be burdened with adult troubles. They have enough to deal with just being kids; growing, learning, exploring, and evolving. Rather than sharing your difficulties with them, keep your time with them about them. Try to keep your work or financial stress to yourself and don’t let it affect your attitude when you’re around your kids.Teaching them and being involved will help you succeed... Next >>

The Non-Alcoholics Bill of Rights

2008-06-09T19:23:00.003-04:00

At Crescent Hill Counseling, alcholism and the resulting co-dependent relationship is dealt with on a regular basis. I keep my eyes wide open for relevant articles that might be helpful to my clients and to their families. I hope this one is helpful to you!
In a codependent-alcoholic relationship, individual human rights are not respected, and this is the primary devastating factor to families dealing with alcoholism. This article outlines a code of basic human rights applicable to the non-alcoholic.
You and your children have:
THE RIGHT TO a loving and secure relationship based on healthy mutual dependence;
THE RIGHT TO peace and harmony in your home;
THE RIGHT TO a stable, secure, and nurturing environment conducive to personal growth and self-discovery;
THE RIGHT TO a healthy self-concept, knowing you are worthy, valued, and loved;
THE RIGHT TO human dignity; to be respected and treated as an individual human being, and not be put down, demoralized, and dehumanized;
THE RIGHT TO not live a life of â€œalways waiting for the other shoe to drop,â€ never knowing whether it will be a soft slipper or steel-toed work boot;
THE RIGHT TO a life free of the fear of emotional terrorism, physical abuse, and constant arguing;
THE RIGHT TO a life free of nightmares, day terrors, and insecurity;
THE RIGHT TO a life free of guilt and shame, and freedom from manipulation through guilt and shame;
THE RIGHT TO not be emotionally drained and â€œall used upâ€ from the rigors of a codependent-alcoholic relationship;
THE RIGHT TO use any possible means (short of physical assault) to positively change your own circumstances;
THE RIGHT TO leave a physically abusive alcoholic relationship immediately and without advance notice to the alcoholic;
THE RIGHT TO leave any relationship that is not healthy and not actively improving;
THE RIGHT TO not live life on a roller coaster, going from one alcoholic crisis to another;
THE RIGHT TO go to work or school without dragging all the baggage of codependent-alcoholic dysfunction.

Sunday Night Wit and Wisdom

2008-05-25T22:48:00.002-04:00

THE HOT CHOCOLATE STORY: A group of graduates, well established in their careers, were talking at a reunion and decided to go visit their old university professor, now retired. During their visit, the conversation turned to complaints about stress in their work and lives. Offering his guests hot chocolate, the professor went into the kitchen and returned with a large pot of hot chocolate and an assortment of cups-porcelain, glass, crystal, some plain looking, some expensive, some exquisite -- telling them to help themselves to the hot chocolate.When they all had a cup of hot chocolate in hand, the professor said: 'Notice that all the nice looking expensive cups were taken, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the sour ce of your problems and stress.The cup that you're drinking from adds nothing to the quality of the hot chocolate. In most cases it is just more expensive and in some cases even hides what we drink. What all of you really wanted was hot chocolate, not the cup but you consciously went for the best cups...and then you began eyeing each others cups.Now consider this: Life is the hot chocolate, your job, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain life. The cup you have does not define, nor change the quality of life you have. Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the hot chocolate we have.The happiest people don't have the best of everything. They just make the best of everything that they have.

UPDATED OLDIEs: Some of the artists of the 60's are revising their hits with new lyrics to accommodate aging baby boomers. They include:
Herman's Hermits--- Mrs. Brown, You've Got a Lovely Walker.
Ringo Starr--- I Get By With a Little Help From Depends.
The Bee Gees--- How Can You Mend a Broken Hip.
Bobby Darin--- Splish, Splash, I Was Havin' a Flash.
Roberta Flack--- The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face.
Johnny Nash--- I Can't See Cl early Now.
Paul Simon--- Fifty Ways to Lose Your Liver
The Commodores--- Once, Twice, Three Times to the Bathroom.
Marvin Gaye--- Heard It Through the Grape Nuts.
Procol Harem--- A Whiter Shade of Hair.
Leo Sayer--- You Make Me Feel Like Napping.
The Temptations--- Papa's Got a Kidney Stone.
Abba--- Denture Queen.
Tony Orlando--- Knock 3 Times On The Ceiling If You Hear Me Fall.
Helen Reddy--- I Am Woman, Hear Me Snore.
Leslie Gore--- It's My Procedure, and I'll Cry If I Want To.
Willie Nelson--- On the Commode Again ----------

Hurtful words---Pieces or Peace?

2008-05-18T23:13:00.003-04:00

Did you hear the story of the little boy with a bad temper? Handing his son a bag of nails, the boy's father explains each time his son loses his temper and shouts angry hurtful words he must hammer a nail into the back of the wooden fence in their yard. On that first day 37 nails went into the fence.Over the next few weeks the boy began discovering it was easier to hold his temper and his tongue than trek all the way out to the back fence and pound those nails into the fence. After some time the boy proudly approached his father and announced he had not lost temper at all for several days. His wise father suggested his son pull out one nail for each temper-free day. Finally, boasting that all the nails were gone, the boy takes his dad's hand and leads him to the fence without nails. "You have done well, my son. Now look at the holes in the fence. It will never be the same. When you say things in anger your words leave scars, just like these holes."I've heard some people try to justify, rationalize or excuse their harsh words and disrespectful attitudes by proclaiming "You're just too sensitive, don't take it so seriously!" or "This is me...so get over it." "What's the big deal anyway?" Anger itself is not evil, but unchecked angry and aggressive words can cause paralyzing fear, painful hurt, distancing and loss of intimacy.The truth is, harsh, harmful and hateful words can be just as deadly to our spirit as weapons of mass destruction are to our lives. In Eph. 4:19 Paul reminds us it is okay to be angry, but don't use damaging words, condemn or tear down someone's self-esteem. The problem doesn't lie in the expression of anger, but in the way we use it. We can choose to express anger in healthy or unhealthy ways--in ways that heal or hurt.There is a difference between getting angry and being an angry person. When the expression of anger dominates our life and personality we are no longer a person with anger, but an angry person. A study, by Mary K. Biaggious, discovered students who were quick to express anger had less self-control, less tolerance and less flexibility than those who were able to keep their anger in check. Students who were slow to anger demonstrated more dependability and social maturity. continued

Do you know the signs and symptoms of gambling addiction?

2008-05-04T23:26:00.001-04:00

Gambling addiction is sometimes referred to as the "hidden illness" because there are no obvious physical signs or symptoms like there are in drug or alcohol addiction. Problem gamblers typically deny or minimize the problem. They also go to great lengths to hide their gambling. For example, problem gamblers often withdraw from their loved ones, sneak around, and lie about where they’ve been and what they’ve been up to.
While the warning signs of problem gambling can be subtle, there are some red flags that should put you on alert:
Secrecy over money and finances
New desire to control household finances
Overdue or unpaid bills
Unexplained loans or cash advances
Lack of money, despite the same income and expenses
Unusual increase in credit card activity
Asking friends and family for money
Missing jewelry, cash, or valuables
Dwindling savings or assets
Missing bank or credit card statements
Calls or letters from bill collectors
Unexplained cash, especially when there are unpaid bills
Do I have a gambling problem?
You may have a gambling problem if you:
Neglect work or family to gamble
Gamble in secret
Lie about how much you gamble
Feel compelled to keep upping your bets
Feel remorse after gambling
Gamble until you’ve spent your last dollar
Gamble with money you need to pay bills
Steal, borrow, or sell things to get money for gambling
Dream of the "big win" and what it will buy
Gamble to escape worries
Gamble in order to solve financial problems or win back losses
Celebrate by gambling
If you feel that any of these issues apply to you or someone you care about please contact Crescent Hill Counseling at 502-419-1698 for quick, discreet assistance!

What could Forgiveness do for you??

2008-04-20T22:31:00.000-04:00

If we are anything alike, you have a garage or attic or basement full of junk--old clothing that doesn’t fit or that are outdated, boxes of children's toys, papers you'll never need or even look at again. We possess sentimental attachments to things that are just taking up space.Perhaps these things are holding you back, they are not. They are surely weighing you down, if not mentally, perhaps expressively. But unless you have a problem with 'collecting' or being a pack rat, then the stuff in your attic might not be that big a deal.Similar to your attic or garage, your mind stores things for you. You've got your memories and knowledge and emotions, you've got images of the best times in your life and remembrances of the gloomy times.I'm going to show you a way to abandon this junk through the simple act of forgiveness.The point of forgiveness is not to help the other person that you're forgiving (although it probably will). The purpose of forgiveness is not to make you an improved person (although it probably will). And the reason of forgiveness is not to make you right with God (although if you believe that it will, it probably will help).Forgiveness has the potential to take away the obstacles that are holding you back plus stopping you from achieving your dreams. By clearing out the unconscious, you figuratively get rid of a huge chunk of negativity.
This is the law of attraction that has become popular recently but has been around forever. You are what you focus on. It's that easy.When we center on the hard parts, the bitterness and challenges, then all day, every day, we bring hard parts, bitterness and challenges. We're here on earth, I think, to gain knowledge from this school called planet earth that we're cable of manifesting precisely what we want in life.Let's split up our unconscious mind into sections and let's say that we can group together every one of our troubles, our problems, our bitterness, our resentments, all into one part of our unconscious. For sake of argument, let's say we've completed that now.What percentage of your unconscious is being consumed by that psychological trash?If we take all of this anger and bitterness and we give it a value in our unconscious mind... Well like; let's say that there is 5% down inside there someplace, even 1%. How would that concern you? It's like Chinese water torture. It's a trickle, trickle, trickle, pain, pain, pain, anguish, anguish, constant problems dripping, dripping, never stopping. If we could somehow root that out, get rid of it, and as a substitute, focus on our universes, what would our life become?

Good Food for Good Mood

2008-04-13T23:13:00.002-04:00

One cannot think well, love well, sleep well, if one has not dined well." - Virginia WoolfVirginia Woolf was on to something: food - and our relationship to it - is our sustenance, our lifeblood. It has the potential to be a source of nourishment and wellbeing or, as is the case for many people, a source of angst and unhappiness.Last month, I wrote about sugar and its impact on our mood, cravings, attention, and energy. I know, based on your notes to me, that many of you resonated with my thoughts, and that many of you struggle with sugar cravings, sugar crashes, and sugar conflicts of your own.This month, I want to extend that conversation to talk in general terms about food and how it affects our biochemistry (mood, cravings, attention, energy, etc. . .). It has become clearer and clearer to me as a therapist and a certified health counselor that everything we eat has a powerful effect on our lives. No, not just our weight (which is what most of us focus on), but on how we feel physically AND emotionally. MORE

Teens And Eating Disorders

2008-04-08T19:18:00.002-04:00

Eating disorders are rampant in our society. The more you understand, the better you can cope yourself or help a friend, family member, or loved one! Please forward to friends and family!

Thanks,

Dr. Alice

Mike Herman
As we were all teenagers at one time, that is if you are twenty years of age or older today, you know that the teenage years are full problems, peer pressure, stress and the desire to fit in. It is not surprising then, with all of the peer pressure and images from the media, as well as the strong desire to fit in, that eating disorders are most common among teenagers. 1. Eating disorders are known to be the result of a poor self image and/or an unhealthy relationship to food. Most people think of eating disorders as something that affects girls and young women who are dieting. The truth is that these disorders have to do with our relationship to food and issues related to body image and self-esteem, and not just our desire to to loss some weight. While most people only think anorexia and bulimia when it comes to eating disorders, there are less well-known eating disorders as well, nocturnal eating, pica and binge eating are also characterized by an unhealthy relationship to food and eating. In fact, all eating disorders have one common denominator: an ongoing and unhealthy relationship with food that becomes a disruption in a person's life. 2. Eating disorders generally affect young women, although they can affect just about anyone, middle aged women and even men. It is estimated that more than 8 million people in the United States are affected with some kind of eating disorder. While those with disorders come from all social and ethnic backgrounds, studies have suggested that young affluent white women are more susceptible to developing an eating disorder. Most disorders first become evident during adolescence and can develop in young children and pre-teens. When it come to men and doctors report eating disorders among men is increasing, it seems to be most common with athletes who want to and/or feel pressure to compete as they are vulnerable to developing a disorder. 3. These disorders can emerge during periods of stress and change. Doctors don't yet fully understand why eating disorders are present in some individuals, and not others. But they do have an understanding about the circumstances that may make some people more vulnerable to developing an eating disorder. Studies have shown that individuals who are experiencing stress, depression, or who have recently experienced some kind of major life change are much more vulnerable to developing the symptoms of an eating disorder. 4. Eating disorders can cause a variety of serious health problems. Many teenagers who become preoccupied with food, body image, and exercise do not understand the health risks posed by their actions. These health problems include heart problems, stomach problems, irregular menstrual periods, kidney problems, dental problems, hormonal disturbance, dehydration and dry skin, to name just a few. Intervention and hospitalization may become necessary in more severe cases. 5. All of these can be treated successfully. Now more than ever there is a better understanding of eating disorders, and many treatment options and resources are available for teenagers and their families whose lives have been touched by an eating disorder. Treatment consists of various therapies, including nutritional therapy, psychotherapy, and family and individual counseling. Sometimes prescription drugs are used to treat underlying problems. For instance, antidepressants may be prescribed.
Article Source: http://babyboomerarticles.com
If you find yourself or anyone around you suffering from an eating disorder and want to know more about the true fact of eating disorders, click on over to Mike Herman's site www.4HealthConcerns.com/EatingDisorders to get my newsletter and FREE ebook in regards to eating disorders to help you and your loved ones.

5 "don'ts" in a relationship

2008-04-03T23:20:00.000-04:00

There are many things that can get wrong or from bad to worse in a relationship... it is depressing how many couples split-up because of stupid reasons. If you have the slightest feeling that your relationship is in jeopardy or if you inquire what went wrong in ex-relationships, take a look at the list below.

There are 5 "don'ts" in a relationship.

1. Betrayal of the partner

Absolutely unforgivable-you have seen couples that break up because of this, even families. It is hard to forgive and forget, broken pieces stay broken, this is life.

2. Being a private eye

If you check on your partner continuously, visit unannounced... he/she will get tired of the relationship. Everybody wants freedom, a private space, friends... Love means trust and respect, it is not funny on scrutiny all the time, do not act as a detective, act as a lover.

3. Lack of emotional support and attention

In a relationship mutual support and attention are essential. We are humans and we crave for being with our loved one, for better and for worse... when it doesn’t happen we feel lonely and rejected. If you have such a problem, deal with it, do not avoid it. Stay close to one another.

4. Too many fights

Let’s face it, in every relationship there are fights. Believe it or not, specialists say they clarify things, but do not dramatize, or raise your voice or offend.
Things clarify themselves if you have patience.
In a relationship, when it comes to fights silence is golden and too many of them ruin what you both have built with love and care.

5. Boredom and lack of spontaneity

Do not let boredom to step in, be creative and spontaneous. Think of common hobbies, activities that make both of you happy.
If love is in the air, every day would be a celebration of your relationship.
Even a ride in the park on rollers can be fun, or going to a movie, exhibition, disco, party.

Before doing anything that can affect your relationship, meditate a bit. Is it worth doing it and ending up alone?

Article Source: http://babyboomerarticles.com

Linda Jones MyLove Agency Dating Service www.myloveagency.com

New information on the Mind and Mood

2008-03-24T19:50:00.001-04:00

Thoought you all might enjoy this article!

Dr. Alice

Myths About Mind and Mood Revealed
Mental Health Misperceptions Abound, Psychiatric Experts Say
By LAUREN CAHOONABC News Medical Unit
March 6, 2008 —
For some people, the idea of a mind or mood disorder conjures up visions of "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" -- odd characters talking to themselves or spontaneously shouting out nonsense.
The reality is, mind and mood disorders are no different from any physical health problem. They are real, they are treatable and ordinary people can suffer from them.
Hundreds of expert answers to common questions on mind and mood can be found at the ABC News OnCall+ Mind and Mood section, here.
"While we don't always feel comfortable talking about the subject, mind and mood disorders are very common in the U.S.," said ABC News medical editor Dr. Tim Johnson.
Currently in the United States, about one in four adults suffer from a diagnosable mind or mood disorder each year. In fact, 14.8 million American adults suffer from depression and 5.7 million suffer from bipolar disorder, according to the National Institute of Mental Health.
Despite the fact that mind and mood disorders are a timeless and widespread problem, stigma and misunderstanding still surround the conditions.
Johnson discussed some common misconceptions and myths on mind and mood disorders on ABC's "Good Morning America" today.
To help contribute to the growing understanding and awareness of mental illness, make sure you know what's true and what's not when it comes to your mind and mood.
Fact or Myth? "I'm in my twenties -- I don't have to worry about getting depression until later in life."
Answer: Myth
Actually, those who are in early adulthood do need to watch out for depression.
"The age of first onset of depression is far younger than we used to believe," said Myrna Weissman, a psychiatrist at the New York State Psychiatric Institute and a participant in the OnCall+ Depression resource section of ABCNEWS.com.
"Major depression has the highest risk of developing between the ages of 15 and 34," Weissman said.
This finding goes against the common school of thought -- that middle-age adults and women going through menopause are most at risk of developing the disease.
However, several large-scale studies found that the most common period of life for depression to develop was the beginning of adulthood, not the middle of it.
Weissman noted that depression can still set in at any age, however.
"There are some people who first get depressed when they're elderly, and they have no history of depression," she said. "And oftentimes there is some other underlying biological cause of that."
In general. people of every age should look out for the tell-tale signs of depression -- ongoing sadness and anxiety, changes in sleep and eating habits -- and seek out professional help.
Fact or Myth? Bullying increases a child's risk of depression.
Answer: Fact
"Bullying is a form of early life trauma," said Charles Nemeroff, a psychiatrist at Emory University and expert for the ABC News OnCall+ Depression section.
While bullying has long been viewed as an inevitable trial of childhood, it can pose significant harm to children who are on the receiving end.
"Bullying not only increases risk for psychiatric disorders including depression in adulthood," said Nemeroff, "but also clearly increases risk for suicide."
In one study of New York state high school students, 9 percent of the students surveyed reported that they were victimized frequently, and the National Institutes of Health reported that bullying affects more than 5 million students in grades six to 11, with one out of seven students reporting being victimized.
Because bullying is such a widespread and potentially harmful behavior, parents should look out for bullying problems and be quick to intervene.
Fact or Myth? Babies born in the winter are more likely to have bipolar disorder.
Answer: Possibly a fact
Although this may sound like an old wives' tale, there may be some truth to the idea that the season in which a child is born contributes to his or her mental health.
"There have been some reports that adults with bipolar disorder are more likely to have been born in the winter than in the summer, spring or fall months," said Kiki Chang, director of the Pediatric Bipolar Disorders program at Stanford and an expert for ABC News' OnCall+ Bipolar Disorder section.
According to current theories, a type of virus triggers the disorder in people who already have a genetic predisposition toward bipolar disorder. People are more likely to contract the virus during the winter months -- and thus, more winter babies end up with bipolar disorder. Similar research on schizophrenia has also cropped up.
"However one has to be careful when interpreting that kind of data," Chang said. "It doesn't mean that if you were born in the winter you're more likely to develop bipolar disorder. ... The risk that you have by being born in the winter does not increase it greatly enough to be clinically significant."
Fact or Myth? Shock treatment is an outdated and barbaric treatment for mood disorders.
Answer: Myth
Shock treatment -- also known as electroconvulsive therapy -- might evoke horrific scenes from "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest," but the reality is quite different.
"Electroconvulsive therapy has been around since the 1930s and is one of our oldest treatments for depression," said William McDonald, a psychiatrist with the Emory Clinic and participant in ABC News' OnCall+ Depression section.
"And the reasons it's lasted this long is that it's one of the most effective treatments for depression -- particularly for people with depression that haven't responded to the typical medications," McDonald said.
The treatment functions by stimulating the brain to release the same types of transmitters that are released by antidepressant medication. The difference is that electroconvulsive therapy works faster -- a patient can get well in a week rather than the six to eight weeks it would take for medication to take effect.
"Electroconvulsive therapy is also used [on] patients who have tried multiple different medications and not responded very well," McDonald said. He also noted that the therapy can be used for schizophrenia and bipolar disorder.
While it sounds like this therapy would do a number on your brain, "no study to my knowledge has ever shown that you can get permanent brain damage from this treatment if it's used safely," said McDonald.
The biggest side effect is short-term memory loss and doctors will adjust the treatment to deal with that problem, if it happens.
Fact or Myth? The richer you are, the more likely you are to become bipolar.
Answer: Myth
At one point, bipolar disorder seemed to be a disease of the rich and well-to-do; wealthy people were diagnosed with it much more frequently.
As it turns out, more dollars in the bank will not directly give you a mood disorder.
"[It's] likely an artifact of individuals with ... greater economic resources being able to obtain appropriate psychiatric diagnosis and treatment," said William Gilmer, a psychiatrist with Northwestern Memorial Hospital and expert featured on ABC News' OnCall+ Bipolar Disorder resource site.
Gilmer said that poorer people just can't afford to get the right treatment -- and are more likely to be misdiagnosed with schizophrenia.
Frequently, these undiagnosed or misdiagnosed people end up being incarcerated due to their untreated behavior, whereas a wealthy person with the same condition would get appropriate treatment.
Fact or Myth? If I treat my bipolar disorder, I will lose my creativity.
Answer: Myth
While there is an association between artistic careers and bipolar disorder, it doesn't mean that the condition is the wellspring of creativity.
"While artists may be more likely to suffer from bipolar illness than perhaps certain other groups," Gilmer said, "it could be because the illness in and of itself leads individuals to select work environments [that are] more tolerant of the erratic behaviors or the inconsistency that can go along with the illness."
Gilmer also pointed out that the disorder can harm a person's career potential -- scores of people have lost opportunities and jobs because of the disruptive symptoms of their illness.
"I think the danger is to romanticize a possible association of bipolar illness and creativity," Gilmer said. "In fact, recent studies have demonstrated that treating bipolar illness in no way decreases a person's creative productivity, and in fact will enhance or may increase their productivity."
Copyright © 2008 ABC News Internet Ventures

Changes are in the air at Crescent Hill Counseling

2008-03-12T21:24:00.004-04:00

When I first moved into my new office at 2720 Frankfort Avenue, there was an art gallery across the hall. Now that is gone and I basically have the whole building to myself!! Hooray!! As a result, I am hoping to get my healing music classes going again because we can drum and tone and chant and now worry about disturbing anyone.

If you're interested in incorporating music therapy into your current treatment plan, let me know and we'll find a way to do it! Hope to see you soon.

BTW, I'm doing lots of weekend and evening appts. Everything is still by appt though. Just call 502-419-1698.

Alice

Privacy and Confidentiality

2008-02-20T09:50:00.002-05:00

Are you considering coming to counseling? Are you at all concerned about confidentiality? My office is in the same building as an art gallery, on the same floor. Walking in and out of that door could just as easily be from visiting the art gallery. If you're suffering from depression, anxiety, marital/couple issues, addictions of any kind or grief and loss issues, please give me a call at 419-1698. I am accepting new patients during Spring of 2008. Most insurances accepted!

Clinical Musicologist Now Taking Patients in Crescent Hill

2008-02-17T17:16:00.004-05:00

Do you know what a clinical musicolgist is? This is the term that was literally created for Dr. Alice H. Cash when she was on staff at the University of Louisville School of Medicine in Louisville, KY. Dr. Cash is a Ph.D. level musicologist or researcher in all things musical and then went on to study music medicine and music healing around the world with people like Dr. Alfred Tomatis, Dr. Arthur Harvery and Don Campbell(author of the "Mozart Effect.") To top it off, she got a second Master's degree in clinical social work and became a licensed therapist. Now she has opened a private practice in Louisville, KY where individuals, couple, families and children can come to work on their health, wellness and mental health issues with or without the benefit of music, rhythm and vibrational healing.

If you live in Louisville or are willing to drive there, call dr. Cash at 502-419-1698 for an appointment or email her at chantdoc@healingmusicenterprises.com. Feel better fast!

Welcome to Crescent Hill Counseling!

2008-02-16T17:06:00.004-05:00

Feeling stressed out? Boss yelling at you? Husband/wife/parent/child yelling at you? Do you worry constantly about how you'll pay the bills, get all your work done, or keep your health? Are you grieving the loss of a loved one? Does someone in your family drink too much or take too many pills? Why not spend an hour with someone who understands, has been there, and has come out on the other side with a lot of tools to help you?

Crescent Hill Counseling has been helping people since 2004 when Dr. Alice H. Cash opened her private practice. She now is conveniently located in the heart of Crescent Hill, right on Frankfort Avenue next door to Carmichael's Bookstore and upstairs. The address is 2720 Frankfort Avenue, Suite 3. Dr. Cash is the only therapist in town who specializes in music-centered psychotherapy as well as addictions of all kinds, depression and anxiety, and relationship issues. Most insurance is accepted as well as private pay. Stop by or call 502-419-1698 for an appointment. Feel better fast!